Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

Minimoo24

jtr2803 wrote: »

I'd happily accept a haribo ring too :rotfl:.I know you shouldn't compare yourself to others etc but I sometimes feel like people might be laughing at me. Back in 08 we went on a work conference to Barcelona and my OH came, he told me rather loudly at a bar in front of my work mates that he was going to marry me........and he still hasn't so I feel like people are sniggering that he didn't mean it.


i waited 7 months for my ring and we have been together 5 years next month, no 1 is sniggering at you, they might be thinking i fort her Oh said he was going to ask her, but they dont know your business, they dont know what goes on behind closed doors - they wont be sniggering i think your very sweet x

WeirdoMagnet

I *think* I get the award for waiting for the longest - just over 14 and a half years now! You get less for murder! :eek:

We met at college and lived together since 1999. We're best friends, do lots of stuff together, pretty much agree on most things, had a joint account for 12 years and bought our first house last year.

ETA I just realised I first posted on the Wedding Tips start here thread 8 years ago!!!

jtr2803 wrote: »

I wish my OH could actually specify the reason he hasn't done it yet or give me an indication of why but I honestly think he is actually quite lazy, he isn't a 'planner' and he also isn't a 'go getter' like me, we are complete opposites in that respect, it works for the most part but at times like this it is frustrating :rotfl:.

I'm not religious, and when I was younger wasn't bothered about getting married. For me, it's about OH making that effort, having a think about our relationship, planning a proposal and making that commitment. He's lots like jtr2803 describes her OH above! Endearingly infuriating!

As I got older, it also came down to children - at 35 I'm fast running out of time (think OH seems to forget this) - if I'm ever lucky enough I want my husband to be at the birth and I want my children to have the same name as me and their Dad. Incidentally our Niece (6) has just worked out that her Mum and Dad (OH's brother) are not married (even though they've been together ages too) like many of her friend's parents, and is trying to work it all out. I don't want my children to have to worry about it.

Like many of the others, I've been expectant at all major dates for ages - birthdays, Christmas, Valentines (although we don't really *do* Valentines Day), New Year, you name it, all for them to come and go. I made a promise to myself last Christmas, and that is, if nothing happens by this Christmas, I'm gonna have to do something, not sure what though!

We've been through the 'oh you'll be next' routine for what seems like eons now.

What's to be scared of? I mean, after nearly 15 years I'm a sure thing, I'd just like a tiny bit of romance!

Watch this space!

Georgina

ETA:

Little_Miss_Shopaholic wrote: »

Then on Friday we both had the day off work and went to the Zoo. We took a picnic and when we arrived he got out of the boot of the car an old fashioned picnic basket. We found somewhere to sit with hardly anyone around and he gave me a huge heart shaped cookie saying he loved me and another one saying will you marry me. He got down on one knee. It was so so romantic and just perfect. He had thought of everything and especially what I would like. He was right, I wasn't expecting it so it was quite a shock.

Little Miss Shopaholic - that is soooo lovely!

minerva_windsong

jtr2803 wrote: »

I understand your comment about being more stable financially and reaching other life goals but I can honestly tell you that my OH has ZERO goals, he doesn't think past tomorrow let alone the rest of his life! I am the go-getter and he is happy to just take each day as it comes. I have been with my company for 5 years and he has been at his for 12 :eek:.

I think other weddings actually just put him off, he sees it as a big expense that isn't necessary. I would actually quite like to do it abroad while we are away but I don't think his family would be too thrilled.

In that case I'm wondering if what other posters said about him thinking you're already engaged is coming into play - maybe he thinks, "Right, we're engaged and now it's my OH's job to plan the wedding". I'm trying to word that without making him seem like a Neanderthal as obviously I've never met him, but from what you've said about you and him he might therefore see that as not being his responsibility, which in that case I would be very tempted to ask him straight out.

I know you shouldn't compare yourself to others etc but I sometimes feel like people might be laughing at me. Back in 08 we went on a work conference to Barcelona and my OH came, he told me rather loudly at a bar in front of my work mates that he was going to marry me........and he still hasn't so I feel like people are sniggering that he didn't mean it.

I hear you on that one - I had it bad with moving in together, because we had a spate where loads of our friends in couples moved in together despite being together for less time than we had, and he'd said things that made me think he didn't actually want to live with me, which just ended up being a misunderstanding - he thought I'd want my freedom to get settled into city life and not having the living together thing on top! But it did eventually happen and we are now living together.

verandi

minerva_windsong wrote: »

I have toyed with the idea of proposing come the 29th of February next year but as sad as this sounds I want him to do it, because I don't want to feel like I made him do it just to keep me happy - a friend of his has done this and I've expressed my views quite strongly that I think it's not fair on the girl to string her out.

I understand that completely. That's partly why I'm not going to hint or let OH see me on this forum or propose to him myself. The last thing in the world I'd want is for him to propose to me because he thinks he has to, or because he thinks it's what I want. I want him to at his own pace and under his own initiative. I just wish I had met him when I was a few years younger. Then maybe I wouldn't feel the urgency in the same way I do now.

WeirdoMagnet

minerva_windsong & verandi have hit it on the head - like them I have considered proposing for the last few leap years. But I want OH to propose because he wants to, not because of the pressure I or anyone else puts on him.

snapping_crocodile

I completely agree with georgina, minerva_windsong and verandi. I have toyed with the idea of proposing in the leap year (as several family members have also suggesed!) however I don't want to because firstly I know he will say no out of principle :rotfl:, and secondly when it comes down to it, I know he wants to propose one day. That day will come when he is ready and not before. When that day comes, I know he will have done it because he is ready, and not because he feels pressured or coerced. Then no matter how romantic, or unromantic (!), the occassion is it will mean so much more to me because it will have come from his heart

ab7167

I had dropped loads of hints to OH and he was always up front about saying he didn't want to marry me. We lived together, bought (and sold and bought and done up and sold and bought) a house, I fell pregnant by accident, had the baby, second one planned - but he always said he didn't want marriage, he was comitted enough to me without that. Then last Christmas, I was utterly miserable, we were snowed in, both kids had chickenpox and I had tonsillitis - all on Christmas day. And my ring was under the tree... In his own time and I couldn't be more delighted - we are getting married on Friday. I don't think it would have been the same if I had nagged him into it, but it was a frustrating wait! I couldn't even say yes, my throat was so sore and my poor babies, all spotty and grumpy. He must really love me to propose while in that condition!

jtr2803

OMG Georgina, that is way, way waaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy long! I don't know how you have been so patient?!

I don't think my OH sees us as being engaged but I am sure that he just thinks 'well I have told you I am going to marry you so why worry?'!

I am slowly going off the idea, just because there are so many places I want to go to and things I want to do, I don't see how we will have the time or money for a wedding :rotfl:

QueenieB

We got engaged very quickly. I knew from the first time he kissed me that I wanted to marry him, and after we'd only been together a week he started dropping hints and almost but not quite proposing. This lasted about another week, when I told him that he had 15 seconds to stop hinting and say what was on his mind, or I was going to hit him. He ummed and ahhed a bit more, so I hit him (gently!). He asked me to marry him, and then 10 minutes later looked a bit stunned and asked me what my answer had been!
We got married 6 months later, and that was 18 years ago.

jemmaali

Please dont stress it will hapen when its right!!

I used to be soooo bothered about being engaged especially when I was pregnant etc also the pressure of my family didnt help!!

Anyway when we went to his best mates wedding I was at breaking point, but I failed to see that our relationship wasnt the best either!!

Anyway after a brief separation we went back to basics concentrated on our realtionship . Then I was honestly not bothered about marriage, I quite liked the facy he was still my boyfriend!!

1 year later out of the blue at someone elses wedding he asked, completly off the cuff!!! he did it again the next day and I got to choose my beautiful ring!!

It was even a bit strange to think I was getting married!!

So my advise is please dont think about it!!

x