Waiting for a proposal - how did you stay sane?!

jtr2803

nykied wrote: »

I knew that my OH was worried about cost before we got engaged and I also knew that he was burned by an ex too. I set myself deadlines too. I think the first one was the end of 2009. Then the next one was the end of 2010 and we actually got engaged in 2011. So setting deadlines, for me at least, wasn't about, 'Well, I'll leave him' because I knew I never would.

I wish my OH could actually specify the reason he hasn't done it yet or give me an indication of why but I honestly think he is actually quite lazy, he isn't a 'planner' and he also isn't a 'go getter' like me, we are complete opposites in that respect, it works for the most part but at times like this it is frustrating :rotfl:. My deadline isn't me saying that I will leave but that I would seriously need to consider how much longer I could wait unless he has a valid reason not to propose/get married. We have two evening receptions coming up and I know at both, there will be comments along the lines of 'you're next' or 'isn't it time you two got married' so I have decided I am not going to mention the M word for at least 6 months OR next time he tells me (umprompted) that he loves me and wants to marry me I will just say say oh good, let's go and get me a ring and make it official

In April, I was sitting at the PC in my pyjamas and he came over and knelt down next to me, not unusual in itself, he does it when he wants some attention and told me that he loved me very much and asked me if I still wanted to be his wife. I told him that I loved him too and I did still want to be his wife if it was what he wanted. His reply was that it is very much what he wants. Perhaps at that time I should have just said we should get a ring but I was a bit of an idiot and in shock so I ended up faffing and telling him that he didn't actually have to propose, I just needed to know that it was still on the agenda (I posted this story on my own debt free diary at the time because I felt like such a moron), that's why I thought it might happen on holiday!

jtr2803

Thanks MrsDrink, I totally get your point. The problem with marriage and children is that there really is no compromise, it either happens or it doesn't!

MrsDrink

jtr2803 wrote: »

I wish my OH could actually specify the reason he hasn't done it yet or give me an indication of why but I honestly think he is actually quite lazy, he isn't a 'planner' and he also isn't a 'go getter' like me, we are complete opposites in that respect, it works for the most part but at times like this it is frustrating :rotfl:.

Hahahahaaa I totally know what you mean. There are somethings that I let slide - like DIY jobs around the house - I've quickly learned if I nag it slows the process down because he gets stubborn. But the other,more important/essential things I take the bull by the horns and just do it myself - like organising holidays. I guess that is why I instigated so many of our discussions about marriage.

Reading your above 'confession' about him asking if you still want to be his wife... you don't think he thinks that you are already his fiancee do you? That you're already engaged and therefore he doesn't need to propose? To be honest I don't see the point in two people agreeing to be husband and wife, and then months/years later him 'surprising' her with a proposal. In my mind you become engaged when you agree to marry, not when you get a nice fluffy proposal, or even a ring. When we agreed to marry and we told our families - a few weeks later MrD's mum asked if we were officially engaged. Totally confused me!!

74jax

jtr2803 wrote: »

We have two evening receptions coming up and I know at both, there will be comments along the lines of 'you're next' or 'isn't it time you two got married'
I've been in this situation and just replied he doesn't want to marry me unfortunately.

next time he tells me (umprompted) that he loves me and wants to marry me I will just say say oh good, let's go and get me a ring and make it official I do think this is a good idea, if he has said it then I think that's perfectly acceptable.

and told me that he loved me very much and asked me if I still wanted to be his wife. I told him that I loved him too and I did still want to be his wife if it was what he wanted. His reply was that it is very much what he wants. So reading this I think that was a proposal?

I was a bit of an idiot and in shock so I ended up faffing and telling him that he didn't actually have to propose!

You see reading this, i'm thinking he doesn't think he needs to propose, so won't.

MrsDrink wrote: »

Reading your above 'confession' about him asking if you still want to be his wife... you don't think he thinks that you are already his fiancee do you? That you're already engaged and therefore he doesn't need to propose?

Totally agree, I would even mention now about getting a ring to make it official, or say your friends have been asking when it's coming. He asked if you still wanted to marry him and you said yes.
ng.

paulsad

I tried to be clever for my proposal to my sweet girl (35yrs ago) I took her to Manchester on a Saturday and encouraged her to look in jewelley shop windows hoping she'd see a ring she liked and I'd buy it as a surprise - she didn't like any...
When we got back to her house I told her my plan - she wasn't too amused! Had to book the Monday off work; went in the first jewellers she saw and got her ring! (She must have liked me then?)

jtr2803

MrsD/Jax, can see what you both are saying about mine and OH's little conversation, I even text my friend and said I wasn't sure if he had just tried to propose or not. The thing is, if that was a proposal in his head then he wouldn't have felt the need to state that he had no intention of proposing on our holiday so I have no idea what constitiutes an actually proposal in his mind.

It's not the first thing he had said something along those lines, in fact he says those sorts of things every 4-6 months, that's why I said next time he comes out with it I will assume he IS proposing and will suggest a trip to buy something sparkly :rotfl:

Edited to add - in regards to the us already being engaged, I hadn't really thought of it like that, I guess if you broke it down logically...I want to marry him and he said he wants to marry me, therefore it is assumed it will happen, maybe that is his way of thinking? It's going to happen because we both want it to so no need to do the whole proposal? *shrug*?

snapping_crocodile

OP take heart from my story

I've been with my OH for nearly 9 years. We met at uni, and have therefore lived together for our entire relationship (and before). In the first year we talked about getting married and having children in the future. He said he would like to wait until we were 25 to do the deed, which was fine by me. Fast forward to me now appraoching 30 and still no sign of a proposal!!

I do nag him about it every so often (well quite regularly actually :rotfl:) and he just tells me he is not ready yet, that he's waiting for an epiphany!! All of our friends our married, and most recently, his best mate got married. I thought this might spur him on but nothing. I wouldn't even attempt to propose to him because I know he would say no on principal, because ultimately he's traditional and wants to be the one to propose.

I am getting a bit impatient (as are his family!), but I would never give him a deadline because ultimately I know he is the one, and he is the only one I would ever want to marry. I have resigned myself to waiting for his epiphany (as patiently as I can ), and when it does happen I will be the happiest girl around

MrsDrink

snapping_crocodile wrote: »

He is the only one I would ever want to marry.

That is exactly how I felt! I never wanted to get married. I wasn't one of these girls who grows up dreaming about weddings, and role playing with a pillow case for veil. I didn't see the point in that piece of paper. Then *I* had an epiphany and realised that MrD meant the world to me and I wanted to be his wife more than anything in the world. If he never agreed to marry me I'd still be with him because I want to be married to him, not get married to any old bloke.

jtr2803 - just read your edit. I would say the next time he says anything about you being his wife you take that as your opportunity to have a little emotionless no pressure or tears chat Tell him you want a ring!

jtr2803

Following a lovely thoughtful PM from someone who posted on this thread many moons ago I thought I would resurrect it and see if anyone had any news?


None from me!

snapping_crocodile

Nor me!