Leaving your children with people

honeypop

At all the gym creches I've seen, you have to do 'settling in' sessions first. First visit you go in with the child and after the staff have explained how it all works to you, you can show him round and play with the toys for 15 mins. Next visit, you bring him in, fill in a sheet with all his needs and little things they should know about, best ways to settle him etc, then leave him for 15 mins while you sit in the cafe. They will be right out to get you if an attempt at settling him doesn't work. Only when he's successfully completed a 15 minute session can you book him in for a proper session, and even then depending ont he child they may advise you build it up by 15-20 mins at a time until he can comfortably do a whole session. You won't be putting him in for a whole session right away I'm sure. If he's truly unsettled at any time, they will come and get from whatever activity you are doing in the centre, they don't want an upset child incase it sets the others off, so I wouldn't worry about him being upset if you are not there, if he needs you they will come and get you. Also if it's at the same time or day each week, chances are the same staff will be on and they will get to know him over a few weeks and he will become more comfirtable with them too.

euronorris

Greener_Grass wrote: »

I think this is what i need to do, To be honest one of the things that has stopped me doing this in the past is I feel a bit selfish putting him in a creche just so i can go swimming or something on my own. I know this probably sounds silly, but i'm just worried he will be upset! He comes before i do so thats just how i've worked it out in my head.

In order to do that, you need to look after yourself too and allow yourself some alone time every now and then.

Have you tried explaining to your friend about how you feel about all of this? And asking for her to give it a rest for now, whilst you figure out how best to move forward for you and your son?

FunnySaving

Perhaps your friend knows you better than you realise! A few comments from people on here have made you consider the potential benefits to using the creche - perhaps this was what she was trying to achieve? I know it can be annoying when friends try to offer unsolicited advice (and from what I have witnessed, this is definitely ramped up when it comes to matters involving any hint of parenting advice), but maybe she just wanted to encourage you to give it some thought, not to mention it's more fun to work out together so she may have been trying to kill two birds with one stone. It sounds like you might have a good friend there, so if you can stop yourself being irritated by her then you're laughing!

brians_daughter

Greener_Grass wrote: »

I think this is what i need to do, To be honest one of the things that has stopped me doing this in the past is I feel a bit selfish putting him in a creche just so i can go swimming or something on my own. I know this probably sounds silly, but i'm just worried he will be upset! He comes before i do so thats just how i've worked it out in my head.

I think i will book him in for one session a week in the creche and see how he gets on, think for the first couple i won't be able to actually swim or anything but even if i sit outside for half an hour chewing my nails off it's a start.

Realistically i would love it if i did actually have someone i could leave him with as my partner and myself have never gone out anywhere alone together since he was born!

Its not silly at all, one of the hardest parts of being a parent is balancing your needs with your childs needs.

ds2 is at nursery now and i am dying to go and get him (he only went at 11.50 lol) But he loves it there, so i am now wasting away some time on here and doing the housework bits i cant get done with him here (windows etc)

I know the best bit of my day will be going getting him then he can give me a big 'i missed you mummy cuddle' and tell me all about his wonderful day with Jasmine (his new found best mate lol!) and, in all honestly having these few hours away from him makes me remember just how bloody lucky i am to have such great children! Sometimes when they are with you 24/7 you forget that (or a least i do!)

pokey128

Greener grass you could be me! I have 2 children aged nearly 3 and 15 months and they are with me always. I have left them a couple of times for a few hours with others but almost always when they are asleep. I feel very strongly that they are my children and my responibility to bring up and not a nurserys or even family members. Ds1 was left with my parents when I was giving birth to ds2 and that was the longest I've been away from him for. We go to loads of things through the week and I run a mother and baby group so then although I'm there I'm always busy and they know others there to go to if they are upset etc. Ds1 is going to preschool in august too and I'm sure he will be fine. A friend of mine is also a sahm and puts her ds in nursery 2 days a week and at least 1 full day and overnight a week with his grandparents- nothing against her but to me thats not bringing up a child (she does it so she can clean the house and relax!)
I guess only time will tell but I'm just glad to meet someone with similar views to me!
Good luck x

gregg1

Greener_Grass wrote: »

Hi,

I'm just wondering if anyone else has never left thier child/children with anyone else? My child is 2 years and 5 months, and he has never been baby sat by anyone other than myself and my partner in his whole life, not even for 5 mins.

This is partly down to neither of our families living close but also i believe he is my child, and it is my responisbility to look after him.

All of my friends don't seem to understand this and one in particular keeps insisting i should put him in the gym creche so i can come to classes with her. I personally do not want to leave my child in a creche, I have no idea who these people are and the fact that he has never been left with anyone means this would cause him great upset. This is the last thing i want to cause my child.

He will be going to preschool next year so will have to get used to being left, and i'm aware of that, i just don't personally see the big deal of never having left him with anyone else, Does anyone else feel the same? I get pretty angry everytime she goes on about leaving him in the creche, she doesn't seem to get it at all :mad:

I can't believe some of the harsh replies on here to be honest.

I would say, he is your child, you have to do what you are comfortable with and if that does not include leaving him in a creche then that is your decision and you should tell that to your friend in a firm but polite manner.

We never left our kids in creches etc when they were very young either and they were fine once they started pre-school. We never used holiday kids clubs either. We appreciated that our kids would not be young forever and wanted to enjoy every moment we could with them, particularly on holiday. Don't worry too much about the pre-school thing at this point, just cross that bridge when you come to it.

warehouse

Your Child, your rules, simple as that. You bring up that Child in your way, but it's good to take advice sometimes, doesn't mean you have to follow it.

What I would like to add is this, when my own 9 year old Daughter had her first ovenight school trip recently you could tell the kids that had never been away from Mum for more than 5 minutes in their lives. Apparently many of them cried through the night, and I bet their Mums did too. It's never too early to give a Child a bit of independence, (in my opinion ).

onlyroz

He's your child, and so it's your decision, but I do think it will be beneficial to both you and your child if you can arrange for some time apart each week. It always perplexes me when people claim that their toddler is "not ready" for nursery/playgroup/creche or whatever - little kids are social animals and love running about with other littlies, and they don't always need mummy there to watch over them. So give yourself and your child a break, and enjoy your swim and gym session.

cte1111

pokey128 wrote: »

Greener grass you could be me! I have 2 children aged nearly 3 and 15 months and they are with me always. I have left them a couple of times for a few hours with others but almost always when they are asleep. I feel very strongly that they are my children and my responibility to bring up and not a nurserys or even family members. Ds1 was left with my parents when I was giving birth to ds2 and that was the longest I've been away from him for. We go to loads of things through the week and I run a mother and baby group so then although I'm there I'm always busy and they know others there to go to if they are upset etc. Ds1 is going to preschool in august too and I'm sure he will be fine. A friend of mine is also a sahm and puts her ds in nursery 2 days a week and at least 1 full day and overnight a week with his grandparents- nothing against her but to me thats not bringing up a child (she does it so she can clean the house and relax!)
I guess only time will tell but I'm just glad to meet someone with similar views to me!
Good luck x

I'm afraid you come over as rather sanctimonious. Your friend and presumably her partner are providing their child with a nice home, ensuring that the child is well looked after, either by a parent, qualified carer or grandparent. In what way is that not 'bringing up a child'?

Some people absolutely love being with their children 24 hours a day, great go for it. Others prefer / need to have some time to themselves. Just because you don't feel like that, why do you feel th need to judge them?

OP - if you fancy taking a swim now and then, please don't feel guilty about using the gym's creche. If not then tell your friend you've decided against it and ask her to stop mentioning it.

Personally I think it is important for all the family for both parents (if they are around) to be happy and relaxed. If that means using childcare so that they can enjoy some leisure time / give the house a really good scrub and they can afford it, why not?

For my family, that means having a regular babysitter who looks after my children one night a week. We pay her so that my husband and I can go out together and enjoy time with each other without the children. We also see friends and generally adult company. This is worth the £20 a week it costs us. If you miss spending time with your partner, then why not put an ad in the local newsagent and talk to potential babysitters? If they come in the evening, chances are your son will be fast asleep but you will know that he is is safe hands if he wakes up.

OrkneyStar

pattycake wrote: »

I completely understand your attitude but are you being selfish here? You may well not be doing your child any favours as the shock of being left at pre-school will be enormous.

I certainly do not think he should be left with just anyone but a short time with a trusted friend or relative to get him used to the idea would be beneficial.

You will have to let go and some point. I am sorry if I sound harsh and I know it is not easy but kids need to mix with other kids and with other adults.

This is basically what I was going to say.