Leaving your children with people

sooz

gingin wrote: »

I'm not a fan of thees drop off creches the staff don't know the children and their needs properly and the children don't know anyone else...

It really depends on the place. At my last gym the creche staff were always the same, every day. My youngest was assigned a particular member of staff in the baby room, and there were always children they knew there & looked forward to seeing their friends. We also had, & went to birthday parties there. It was fantastic, & I really miss it, as do the kids.

Greener_Grass

ajaney wrote: »

From the friends point of view, she maybe realises it is a big thing & is trying to help you but going about it in the wrong way!

How do you feel he will react to going to preschool?

I personally think he will be fine at preschool. as i've said he is more than happy whilst at mum and baby groups and is not phased if i leave the room, he has always mixed with lots of children so its not a case of keeping him in the house for 3 years with just myself for company.

I am aware that i need to learn to leave him but i simply do not have anyone that could look after him for me, All my friends have kids of thier own and have simply never offered.

This friend in particular has two kids and struggles at the best of times so she uses the gym creche regularly to go swimming or classes on her own.

I am not against putting him in the creche, i just think he is going to need to be broken in gently so suggesting i come to a class tomorrow isn't possible as it is going to take some time to leave him. It could be terrible or it could be great and he won't mind i've left him. i've no idea, yes i'm selfish for not doing it sooner, i know he has to do it sometime but i've just always put it off. I don't think this makes me a bad parent, i have his best interests at heart.

tizerbelle

Greener_Grass wrote: »

He mixes with plenty of kids and adults but just not when we are not there.

Mixing with others while you and/or your OH are around is not the same as developing skills of socialisation and independence without you and/or your OH around as a "comfort blanket".

You will not be able to stay with your child when he goes to pre-school / nursery so imagine the wrench that will be for him when he suddenly realises he is going to be all on his own in a room full of other people for the first time.

While I appreciate your concerns, you do seem to be making a rod for your own back here. While it may not be an issue now, it will be in the future.

Surely the gym-creche would be a good start to get little one used to being without you?
1. Presumably he wouldn't be in there long - an hour or so;
2. If there are any major problems the qualified and experienced staff can't cope with, you are in the same building so they can come and get you and finally;
3. It will give you some time away from little one with an adult friend doing something different / for yourself for once.

CH27

Greener_Grass wrote: »

I personally think he will be fine at preschool. as i've said he is more than happy whilst at mum and baby groups and is not phased if i leave the room, he has always mixed with lots of children so its not a case of keeping him in the house for 3 years with just myself for company.

I am aware that i need to learn to leave him but i simply do not have anyone that could look after him for me, All my friends have kids of thier own and have simply never offered.

This friend in particular has two kids and struggles at the best of times so she uses the gym creche regularly to go swimming or classes on her own.

I am not against putting him in the creche, i just think he is going to need to be broken in gently so suggesting i come to a class tomorrow isn't possible as it is going to take some time to leave him. It could be terrible or it could be great and he won't mind i've left him. i've no idea, yes i'm selfish for not doing it sooner, i know he has to do it sometime but i've just always put it off. I don't think this makes me a bad parent, i have his best interests at heart.

Of course it doesn't.
Can the creche be viewed from the coffee shop at the gym? Could you arrange for him to go a half an hour & observe from a distance?

ajaney

GG, You're not a bad parent at all! We all do what we have to do based on the situations/circumstances we are in. I am lucky to have family close enough to offer some help from time to time.

He has socialised so that is good for him. You should take it steady & in your own time. Maybe you could put him in the creche for a short & stay nearby, see how he reacts & how the staff are with him.

rachbc

Have a secure attachment to a parent is actually more likely to give a child confidence to go off and explore the world and less likely to be clingy. My ds didn't leave me till he started preschool and he was as happy as larry there, and still is a very well adjusted 13yo.

Do what feels right for you and your son and ignore everyone else - he's only 2 there is plenty of time for standing on his own 2 feet!

brians_daughter

I "leave" my children with others. ds2 goes to nursery 2 sessions a week -he doesnt 'need' to, but i feel its best for him to do so and he loves it. DS1 wasnt left with anyone outside immediate family ie me, partner, grannies until he started pre-school and i vowed then i would never do it that way with future children. It took him soo long to settle (2 whole terms) - i believe it to be bacause he had never been allowed independance. He ha months of bad dreams, not eating well, being generally unwell - doc said it was childhood stress and anxiety at the sudden change

ds2 goes to nursery and loves it - in all honesty if i had it my way he would be glued to me 24/7 lol but knowing now what i didnt know with ds1 i feel its for the best for everyone. He gets independance, and i get a little (well earned) rest.

dd is only weeks old, but i know come the new year she too will attend nursery 1 session a week (as long as we can afford to send her)

Its each to their own, and every child if different but for my children not allowing them to explore the world without me wasnt the right option.

I was never left with anyone apart from granny who lived next door and my gran ended up volunteering at nursery and school as i simply wouldnt stay alone. I used to cry so much i made myself physically sick, wouldnt eat etc all due to the stress of being left alone when i never had previously.

On the other hand my bro's children had never been left with anyone outside close family and the girls took to school like a duck to water - nothing like me or ds1.

A little independance for your child and a bit of you time is something to embrace, if you feel you can!

If you do decide to leave him in a creche etc it will take time, maybe a few months, before you are both happy.

Start by going with him and engaging in the activities, then sit back and watch and gradually leave him 10min, 20 min then a full session - thats the way our nursery does it anyway. None of this is chargeable at the nursery he attends until he stays alone for longer than 60 mins.

moomoomama27

I didn't leave any of my children with anyone but very close family until they went to nursery. Even now, and mine are almost 14, 6 and 8 I don't really ''leave'' them with people, as we have no socila life, so no need to! To each their own!

brians_daughter

Greener_Grass wrote: »

I personally think he will be fine at preschool. as i've said he is more than happy whilst at mum and baby groups and is not phased if i leave the room, he has always mixed with lots of children so its not a case of keeping him in the house for 3 years with just myself for company.

.

ds1 was fine with this also, it was when he realised i wasnt coming back for x hours/mins he staretd to panic. You sound like a great mum who has your sons best interests at heart You do what you feels best for all parties x

Greener_Grass

ajaney wrote: »

He has socialised so that is good for him. You should take it steady & in your own time. Maybe you could put him in the creche for a short & stay nearby, see how he reacts & how the staff are with him.

I think this is what i need to do, To be honest one of the things that has stopped me doing this in the past is I feel a bit selfish putting him in a creche just so i can go swimming or something on my own. I know this probably sounds silly, but i'm just worried he will be upset! He comes before i do so thats just how i've worked it out in my head.

I think i will book him in for one session a week in the creche and see how he gets on, think for the first couple i won't be able to actually swim or anything but even if i sit outside for half an hour chewing my nails off it's a start.

Realistically i would love it if i did actually have someone i could leave him with as my partner and myself have never gone out anywhere alone together since he was born!