Help! Domestic Violence!!

SailorSam

If he comes banging on the door and you feel you are in danger, it's a 999 call you need to make.

coolcait

Sorry, but this doesn't add up. Maybe your employer is so distressed that she hasn't taken things in properly. More worryingly, maybe she's not telling you the full facts because - like many vicitms of domestic violence - she is not quite ready to leave her abuser.

Have a look at the Women's Aid website, which has this information on funding for seeking protection from domestic abuse:

"If you are applying for legal aid to cover the costs of seeking protection from domestic abuse (e.g. a non-molestation order, occupation order or forced marriage protection order) then you will qualify for legal aid regardless of your income."

Have a look also at the website for the National Centre for Domestic violence.

The system isn't perfect by any means, but there's something strangely wrong with this "for every solution there's a problem" scenario that you're sharing with us.

Person_one

Frugalista wrote: »

This is what I find so appalling :mad::mad:. She feels she has gone to the police for help and they have just left her high and dry!!

To be fair to the police, they don't make decisions on prosecutions, that's the CPS.

Frugalista

Thanks for all the advice and contact numbers - I will pass it on to her tomorrow.

I agree that she maybe hasn't told me all the details - I am, after all, only her employee not her best buddy but I have to try to help her. Whether she will listen or not is open to debate. She is not an easy person to get along with - hence her lack of close friends.

However, for many years I have seen the bruises and black eyes (all explained away as dogs jumping up and head butting her/tripping her over, etc) and have suspected all along that he was abusing her - as have other staff members. I have also witnessed his violent temper tantrums and screaming abuse. This is the first time she has actually admitted it and says she is the one who feels ashamed!! I've told her the shame is all his - not hers.

I will update you when I have some news.

Frugalista

coolcait wrote: »

The system isn't perfect by any means, but there's something strangely wrong with this "for every solution there's a problem" scenario that you're sharing with us.

I quote this snip because I know I haven't been too specific with my posts. Hope this explains a little as to why this thread is a little "off".

As I said earlier, he knows I post on here (but not my username) and I am really nervous about giving too much detail. He is extremely vindictive and manipulative. I intend to delete some of the posts/information given because of this.

kizkiz

If he knows you post on here i would seriously think about deleting the lot tbh
He'd be a fool not to work it out from what's on here.

A couple of thoughts.
As already said, it's not the police that drop cases of domestic violence usually, it's the cps. I would be amazed if she hasn't been offered panic alarms if she's that hig a risk, but, and i hate saying this, a simple black eye and a few bruises don't make her high risk. So many women suffer worse. I appreciate there may be an awful lot more to this than you have told us though.
She will probably be on a special scheme for police, so that comments on the address state she's at risk of domestic violence and the response required. If she only manages to dial 999 and not say anything police will be round instantly.
At then end of the day, she has to want to leave, and then needs to see a solicitor about injunctions. The police can offer advice, but they are a civil matter,so your friend needs to do this herself

Lirin

Frugilistica,

I wish I had some advice to offer, or some way I could help. It's terrible that she isn't getting the help she needs, it's adding to stress she already has. Even if her husband does nothing, she may well buckle under the stress- she is lucky to have an employee like you.
I've been in an abusive situation- I know how much it took for her to contact anyone. If she feels unsettled in the slightest, or hears anything that's unusual at night- tell her to phone anyone. Get someone around, even if it's a false alarm. I'd echo above- would be a good idea to delete everything, as it may not go in her favour if he sees.
I think the only thing I could offer is PM me if you like- I'm always around if she needed someone to talk to. Appreciate that doesn't solve the situation she's in at the moment, and I do hope it gets sorted out for her soon...

Ladyshopper

Person_one wrote: »

To be fair to the police, they don't make decisions on prosecutions, that's the CPS.

Am so glad someone else pointed this out, as thats what I was going to say. The police don't make the decisions, its the CPS. Unfortunately its the lucky old police who get to tell the victims of the decisions the CPS have made, and believe me, that is very difficult. I only wish it was down to the CPS lawyer to have to make that call/visit, and explain in detail their reasons.

Injunctions are fairly easy to obtain these days so I've heard, and you can get them with a power of arrest attached so that if they are breached it becomes a criminal matter and they can be arrested for breaching the terms.

Did your friend give a statement and say she was happy to attend court? Whilst the CPS supposedly run victimless prosecutions, with the best will in the world these are very difficult, and they really don't like doing it. If she didn't support court action this would be another reason for CPS to decide against a prosecution.

Mupette

Been a DV victim myself, and i felt the police did nothing, well actually they didn't, whilst in the papers for being the frist fir DV in the south west, I made a complaint to the chief officer at the station, end of the day didn't get much help, especially when the police that came said oh it's just a domestic.

Several times i asked for an injunction, what angered me is no one told me how to do it.

Eventually i was told i just needed to see a solicitor, I did and had an injunction for a year, that even 10 years later the ex stuck to.

mind you the lies he said in court, he was caught out and injunction in place, he knew to keep away and grow a pair.

if this is as bad as it is, i would make the suggestion to contact all pet owners to collect their pets and close it down for her to get away for a bit, yes ok i know they will loose money, possibly the business, but if she needs help and needs to get away....

I know she just can't walk, but the pets need to be back home, or to alternative border and all pet owners informed, they will want to know their pets are safe and well.

I would be (as a pet owner) concerned for the welfare of my pet with a nasty peice of work like that hanging around. Is he likely to turn on the animals?

sueeve

Just a thought that she must keep her mobile charged, so that if he does attack the phone physically, which can be done, she still can call emergency services.