Life is what you make it .......

savingwannabe

All i can do is read theories and pass exams. Real life and interracting with people now that is difficult. Wish i was wise I am an idiot ask Beanie. I think you are all wise. I am learning from all of you.

beanielou

sw~you are not an idiot

savingwannabe

I want wisdom. Any ideas please direct them to 3dogs's thread.

SA i hope you are ok. dont be worried about things just go with the flow. focus on happy things ok like Mr T, your lovely house, your volunteer work, all the travelling you have done. We must have faith in ourselves. When we are positive we attract positive things. Firewalker's thread is very empowering and so is Marru's if you have any time. Both are very strong women who have overcome lots and inspired us along the way.

Remember this? Helen Reddy, I Am Woman
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmifO2sKT7g&feature=related

Wordsmith

Hope all is well, SA. Was thinking of you yesterday and will be again today.

savingwannabe

And me. Please be ok. Hugs from all of us.

startagain_2

I am struggling. The person training me is obviously the "real" manager in the office and not the lovely lady who appointed me but sits in another office. Everything I do or say is wrong and I get jumped on continuously. It all went off on the second evening when another of the girls in the office asked if it put me off having someone listening in and constantly correcting me? I answered that it made me feel nervous as I was waiting for her to interject all the time and all hell was let loose! Yesterday morning we had a seperate chat with lovely lady manager - my trainer has her support as she is very good at her job. Problem is - she is being horrid to me and doesn't speak to me other than for training purposes. The other girls are quiet and stay out of it but it makes for an uncomfortable atmosphere. Yet again. I feel at fault and yet I don't think I am.
I want this job, I need this job, I am unhappy.
Please do not suggest that I talk to anyone - that doesn't work in this company as previous experiences have shown. You have to put up and shut up.
SA

Wordsmith

I so feel for you, SA. Maybe once the training period is over things will calm down. But it is horrid, horrid, horrid for you right now and you must be despairing. It sounds like someone else trying to assert her authority(maybe the old manager talked to her and she is being defensive from the start). All I can suggest, if you even want suggestions, is to take it all on the nose for now, get through these first few weeks and then do the best job you can - which will be brilliant - and keep your head down until they accept you. At least you can get home quickly at the end of the day and shut yourself away or take out MrT to blow the day from your mind. You have my utmost sympathy and support, albeit from a distance. Don't lose sight of what you know you are capable of. Love to you.

savingwannabe

Oh Sh*t. I am soooooo sorry. :(

This is what i had when i first started after 4 years although the lady idiot still feels threatened by my results we keep out of each others way. She is nice to everyone else and her cronies and nasty as hell to me and everyone has noticed. She has been done for bullying but she is still there. I had male members of staff (her cronies) physically pushing me around as they didn't want me to get the job. Noone spoke to me when i went in every morning and said hi. Stuff was stolen from my desk just before i was due to start teaching. Nightmare.

The impression i recieved from the head of the college (not worth the capital letters honest) was i had to put up and shut up as everyone knew she was a bully and she felt threatened by me. I have passed every task with flying colours and whipped all their asses and I try not to let it bother me now but it made me suicidal for a while as i kept trying to win her friendship.

I dont know what the solution is. If i could have afforded to move house i would have if i could drive i would change jobs but that is not possible with my medical condition. Luckily i have brilliant friends who told me when i was depressed and helped me through it.

Petal i think you need to brave it out for a bit. Even if she doesn't change you need to develop strategies to cope with her. Every day a treat when you get back from work. Nice walks with Mr T. In the holidays come and visit one of us? seeing nice people helps and gives you a sense of perspective.

My tip dont say anything else to the people in the office. Anything you say will get back to her. They have seen her operate before and someone should have warned you if they had any decency. I bet they are cowards and too scared so join in to get housepoints. When you need to destress put it all on here. We all love and trust you.

Ring one of us to destress and get it out of your system. My poxy phone stopped working today of all days. Ring someone ok. When my phone works i can ring you for free. Steve and Andy are lending me a spare at the weekend.

I moved my desk away and left the horrible ladies team. I had fantastic results. We will never ever be friends (not through my lack of trying but cos she is mad noone likes her) and i work with her for a few hours a week and keep my distance and dont take anything she says personally. After 4 years i have learned to be confident but i needed CBT and my friends support to help me.

I would see if there are any other jobs in another company. But can anyone on the thread recommend a book on strategies with bullies - i do know it is because she feels inadequate and i bet my bottom dollar that Wicked Witch of the North has been in contact with her. May all their bits drop off!

savingwannabe

I asked for learned wisdom, Firewalker said this:

The best way to handle a bully is to stand up to them - they are usually easy to scare so one doesn't even have to fight. Loss of fear before hand is advisable.

FW

If i had stood up to nasty woman from the beginning things wouldn't have escalated but i was too scared to as i wanted to be liked. I am sorry i am trying to help but this might be confusing. please be ok.

miggy

This is horrible, what a difficult start for you. Hold on to your knowledge that you are good at your job, but keep it quiet from the office - as has already been said, things you say may get passed around.

If she says anything useful, take it on board - our enemies will sometimes tell us things we can grow through, the trick is to find the worthwhile in amongst the venom.

Remember too that you have friends who know you a lot better than the people at work do, and value you and enjoy your company - and that means you have a virtual army of supporters on your side even when you're at work.

{{hugs}}, I hope today goes better.