Uni's going to try and change her life for the better.....

Uniscots97

ZTD wrote: »

So this would be discipline that was imposed externally then? Did it work? What wasn't it your choice?

It didn't work, if anything its made her worse. Hence I have nothing to do with her and OH tried not to as she just plays constant games and expects to be centre of attention all the time. She isn't happy unless she's causing chaos. The psychiatrists (sp?) that saw her during her spell away told OH it wasn't anything to do with him (he'd sought help and support for her for years) it was just the way she was wired and that she would probably never change. The police also told us they see people like this too that will never 'get it' no matter what help and support they receive and that we shouldn't blame ourselves at all.

ZTD wrote: »

So he moaned about something, and you appeased him. So now he thinks he's such a clever little boy, and you and OH are so stupid. Since it worked - he is not going to stop.

I'm hoping he does, I know you're right. OH (just taken him to work) is having a 'word' with SS to basically say no mucking about anymore or you're out.

ZTD wrote: »

You're not "winning" because your actions are contradicting your words. I say "contradicting", but it's a bit like a snail contradicting a steam roller. When words and deeds point in different directions, there is no conflict. Deeds are the truth, and words didn't even make the contest.

It's very difficult sometimes to know what to do. At the end of the day he's an adult but he doesn't act like one.

ZTD wrote: »

So what did OH do to punish this behaviour?

It is probably too late to try to "redeem" him. You could try changing your ways so he changes his (under the adage "If you do what you always have, you'll get what you always got.") but adults (and he is) don't really cope well with the groundrules changing under their feet. Old dogs, new tricks and all that sort of thing.

That sort of thing needs to be stamped out before he's 8. Not before he's 23.

Probably Chev's way is the only answer.

Don't worry, he won't permanently damage the only precious thing in his life - himself. Instead the real danger will be theft and petty vandalism under the guise of "entitlement" (i.e. he's graced you with his presence therefore everything you have should be his)

Of course the fact you will never call the police and have him prosecuted (i.e. allow external discipline to be imposed) will be a great part of the weighing up of the benefits/risks.

He does know we would, as we did call them on his sister when she turned up and started threatening us (the last few years have been hell because of her behaviour and we and others tried continually to help her but each time she just flung it back in their faces and did what she wanted anyway). He now doesn't get left in the house alone for very long (he was bringing people back.... girls iyswim without letting us know and they weren't the 'nice' sort iykwim), he went in a strop and I said 'you don't pay the bills, so respect the person who does otherwise leave'. In that instance OH did pack his things. We had the tears and the drama and if he phones now whilst we're out to ask where we are I always ask why he wants to know and who's in the house. Also told him the burglar alarm is a 2 way system so we can hear what's going on in the house (which is true), his face was a picture. Honestly? I can't wait till he moves out..... at least then he'll realise just how good he had it here. I know I truly didn't appreciate my family till I had moved out.

ZTD

unixgirluk wrote: »

I'm hoping he does, I know you're right. OH (just taken him to work) is having a 'word' with SS to basically say no mucking about anymore or you're out.

unixgirluk wrote: »

It's very difficult sometimes to know what to do.

Mean what you say, and say what you mean. Don't threaten what you're not willing to carry out, as it diminishes the value of other things that you say. Once he meets the criteria for what you've threatened, then carry it through no matter what. No tears, pleading, sulking or whatever.

If he twists too much and is irritating, take something else away from him - specifically for the twisting.

unixgirluk wrote: »

At the end of the day he's an adult but he doesn't act like one.

So don't treat him as one until he earns it.

He misbehaves because it works. It has worked in the past, and as far as he is concerned it will always work. You (both) have a credibility gap at that point.

Uniscots97

Thanks Z, in the past few days its been little things he niggles at but tonight he seems a little more 'human' actually answering questions. Not sure if what OH has said has actually worked.

Uniscots97

Morning All,


I still have a load of half price Sky codes if anyone is interested. This is for new customers only. I also have codes if you just want broadband and talk.

Lemon_Tree

glad there has been an improvement in SS but cynically i don't hold out much hope for you that it will be a long term thing.

thanks for the offer of the codes, i will definitely be approaching you when we've moved, ready for when the next offer comes along if that's ok

Uniscots97

I don't hold out much hope either LT, I'm hoping he got to work on time. I was busy over lunch and couldn't make sure he was up in time. I shouldn't have to phone him but OH is working in same place (different shifts) and it reflects badly on him as OH was there first. Just texted him (SS) and he's actually replied to day he's in work already! Shock horror.

As for the Sky code, we get them every few months so whenever you need one I'll send it over to you. Hopefully you moving will coincide with the codes, if not you shouldn't have to wait too long (next lot is normally about november I think).

Uniscots97

Done clicks tonight, nothing on Vivatic but joined Gratispoints as they (can) pay out in cash too. Slight boost on the money front, OH gave me £35. Well I have to wait for it clearing in my account.


...............ran out of loo roll, forgot to get some today in my top-up shop. We were desperate so i bought some when i went to get fuel............... £1.19 for 2 rolls!!!!!! omg :eek: I normally buy Aldi's 12 pack for £1.69. I really need to start stocking up properly. Have stocked up on paracetamol, lemsip that sort of thing but need to work out what else I need.

SS in a strop, again. Not sure why now.

chevalier

He is in a strop again, because he can't keep up the front of being a decent human being for more than a day. Life is too damn short for this mate. I would take the vacant rents page, sit him down and say that this is what he will be paying in a month if his attitude doesn't radically change. And then give him a month, at the end of the month if he hasn't dramatically improved ie dig money on time and a realistic amount (£20 he is really taking the p), then he is out and that is that.... sorry you can't help him be decent unless he has a wake up call that is being out in the real world. And you know what I would NEVER have either of them back....
chev

ps and if your OH can't support you in this then I would seriously be considering my marriage as well.

Uniscots97

I know you're right Chev, will have a word with OH because it's getting ridiculous.

Lemon_Tree

good luck with your chat with your OH, i really hope he will get on board and you can sort SS once and for all. Probably unrealistically i'm hoping we'll be in the house Nov/December time, at the moment that's completely unrealistic as we've yet to have anyone come round here to view the flat.