Uni's going to try and change her life for the better.....

chevalier

I would kick him out, ungrateful git
chev

The_Dragon

I would start leaving adverts for rooms/flats to rent in his room with a post-it note saying he has 1 month to find somewhere else :mad:, oh and stop feeding him/doing laundry etc

Uniscots97

Chev, we have threatened that before. He pulled a very spiteful stunt (threatening doing himself in and then next time he was out with his pals drinking he confessed it all being a stunt.... OH called him and stepson forgot to hang up the phone). OH is sick of his behaviour.

Dragon, I've stopped making his packed lunches (much to his annoyance). He was staying up all night rather than sleeping, munching his packed lunch then moaning he's tired and there's nothing to eat! As for washing, it gets done at the weekend and the stuff he puts in the washing machine during the week doesn't 'magically' get washed anymore. His big cousin told him he was a lazy and ungrateful little ****

Lemon_Tree

sounds like you really need some time away with your OH, i know Mr LT and I are really looking forward to our long weekend away together and we have only two cats who are being pests not kids.
i can see that you will soon have the house to yourselves though with the way SS is carrying on.

Uniscots97

I think you may be right LT. SS really doesn't know what side his bread is buttered and how well off he is.

I hope you have lovely time away LT, even a long weekend can really re-charge the batteries. If we were closer I'd look after the cats for you (prefer animals to teens, well most youngsters anyway), I love cats and dogs. Our not so little stray was lapping up the sunshine in the back garden this morning.

Uniscots97

Home, and done clicks. Tried for some Vivatic surveys but nothing there. Have emailed them though about not getting paid for the one I did last night.

Just had a quick look at the Flylady thread, it looks quite scary but I do need to sort out my house. That means clutter has to go (including ALL the stuff left behind by step-daughter that after over 2 years she doesn't seem to want, yet I know as soon as I fling it she'll ask but tough), whether it be ebay, charity or bin. I think once I've dropped OH off tonight (I get 30 mins to myself before SS gets in) I'll grab a bag and chuck some junk (i.e. binables).

Also paid my factors bill. Cheeky so and so's sent me a reminder when they hadn't sent me the original bill! Yes its paid but it does mean my funds are somewhat depleted.

Lemon_Tree

ah what flavour four legged friend have you got?

thanks for the offer of cat sitting, when we get our house you could always come and visit and use us as a base or something.

good luck with your decluttering when you've finished yours you can come and start mine if you want

Uniscots97

My four legged friend is a large white and black cat. Not sure what type he is but he is on the large side. He was 'thrown out' by a neighbour a few years ago when they moved, they left him behind. He lives in a pipe over my back fence, he won't be tempted in for any length of time..... even for a tin of tuna. He'll eat, get an ear scratch and a cuddle and be on his way, but sometimes he'll just laze about in my garden. I think he knows he's safe here. I always make sure he's ok, even in the really bad winter last year he wouldn't be tempted in, but I made a shelter for him and hoped for the best. Its about the only time he's paw'd at the window (to be fed).

Lemon_Tree

ah he sounds lovely, puddy cats can be very independant can't they. My two are not though, they're lazy little minx's really

ZTD

unixgirluk wrote: »

Stepson's sister tried the same thing (only worse and usually meant police at the door every 2 days which got tiring and embarrassing until she did something that just wasn't on and got sent to a residential unit. She wasn't pleased that her 'Dad' couldn't get her out of it and had to stay there, not our choice I hasten to add but the court's),

So this would be discipline that was imposed externally then? Did it work? What wasn't it your choice?

unixgirluk wrote: »

so you would think he would realise that its not going to wash with us. I'm also assuming that he thinks if he keeps making it difficult for us we'll stop asking him to make his bed/clean the bathroom/empty the bin from his room and put away his clothes. His latest was this morning, yesterday OH and I hung out a load of washing to dry. Stepson's socks and underwear got put over the radiator in his room. Not had heating on as its still warm and the house was boiling yesterday anyway. Stepson says this morning, the stuff smells damp and will have to be washed again because heating hasn't been on. OH got quite angry with him and said there was nothing wrong with his clothes and turns out OH was right stepson just couldn't be bothered pairing his socks etc and putting the stuff away. OH put uniforms in to wash and then put heating on for half an hour before I left to dry them out so they'd be ready for work (they won't give them more than one), what did stepson do? Turn his radiator off!

So he moaned about something, and you appeased him. So now he thinks he's such a clever little boy, and you and OH are so stupid. Since it worked - he is not going to stop.

unixgirluk wrote: »

Can't win. :mad:

You're not "winning" because your actions are contradicting your words. I say "contradicting", but it's a bit like a snail contradicting a steam roller. When words and deeds point in different directions, there is no conflict. Deeds are the truth, and words didn't even make the contest.

chevalier wrote: »

I would kick him out, ungrateful git
chev

unixgirluk wrote: »

Chev, we have threatened that before. He pulled a very spiteful stunt (threatening doing himself in and then next time he was out with his pals drinking he confessed it all being a stunt.... OH called him and stepson forgot to hang up the phone). OH is sick of his behaviour.

So what did OH do to punish this behaviour?

It is probably too late to try to "redeem" him. You could try changing your ways so he changes his (under the adage "If you do what you always have, you'll get what you always got.") but adults (and he is) don't really cope well with the groundrules changing under their feet. Old dogs, new tricks and all that sort of thing.

That sort of thing needs to be stamped out before he's 8. Not before he's 23.

Probably Chev's way is the only answer.

Don't worry, he won't permanently damage the only precious thing in his life - himself. Instead the real danger will be theft and petty vandalism under the guise of "entitlement" (i.e. he's graced you with his presence therefore everything you have should be his)

Of course the fact you will never call the police and have him prosecuted (i.e. allow external discipline to be imposed) will be a great part of the weighing up of the benefits/risks.