Lack of intimacy in relationship

rosered1963

Hi Mr Jim.

I have been like your fiance, and your situation now sounds a lot like my husband's was then. We were also engaged at that time.

I had work stress, money worries, a stifling everyday routine, and I had put some weight on, became ill, and felt ugly and awful. My husband never made me feel like that - he was lovely to me -just like you are with your fiance . The turning point for me is when my husband sat me down and told me that the fact I didn't want to have sex with him made him think that I didn't love him anymore! I was really shocked. It made me realise the damage I was doing and that he needed sex to make him feel loved - it was critically important to him.

I do agree with others that a change of scenery would be good for you both. I wouldn't write her off if you love her - take a deep breath and tell her how you feel. When my husband did that it shocked me enough to see it from his point of view - sex with me was a way to show his love and I was knocking him back. I am not excusing my actions at all, by the way. I'm glad he told me what he felt as it changed everthing for the better.

You sound lovely and I wish you luck - just tell her straight x

lauren_1

A lot of women sugarcoat going off sex as stress, body issues, children etc etc and throw in every excuse under the sun to avoid hurting your feelings.

The main causes of going off sex is a selfish partner (between the sheets) why would anyone want to continue sleeping with someone when the sex finishes just after he has? We get bored of faking it month after month, if you were turned on repeatedly yet were not allowed to 'O' we would be branded a pr*ck tease. Try returning the oral favour once in a while.

She doesn't fancy you that much anymore, men and women (both are guilty) of gradually letting themselves go once the honeymoon period is over. Spruce your self up a bit.

She really doesn't fancy you at all. In that case your kinda screwed.

She can predict what's going to happen when you do have sex as its been exactly the same 4 nights a week for the last god knows how long but you've managed to whittle it down to 3 mins. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Or she just doesnt fancy it. Theres no reason for it, no one says you have to go at it like rabbits forever.


These are meant to be lighthearted but still very true, try not to be offended. It gets really annoying being accosted for sex constantly, back off and dont even mention sex for a good 8 weeks (sounds like a life time i know) but she might notice that you've not done it in a bit and she might fancy it or you might decide the relationship isnt going to go any further.

January20

lauren_1 wrote: »

A lot of women sugarcoat going off sex as stress, body issues, children etc etc and throw in every excuse under the sun to avoid hurting your feelings.

The main causes of going off sex is a selfish partner (between the sheets) why would anyone want to continue sleeping with someone when the sex finishes just after he has? We get bored of faking it month after month, if you were turned on repeatedly yet were not allowed to 'O' we would be branded a pr*ck tease. Try returning the oral favour once in a while.

.

And there I was, with my sneaky little comment, trying to be tactful :rotfl: Thank you Lauren! I thought I was the only to have thought about this angle.

flutterby_lil

lol Lauren, very very true indeed. Well said.

Mr Jim, you sound lovely and like you try so hard but keep getting turned down.

Have you managed to talk this weekend? Have you had sex lol?!?!

scooby088

Most women when they go off sex say it's me and not you and then we as men are supposed to be mind readers, if it's not working tell us where we are going wrong and where we get it right.

redlady_1

I went two and a half years without sex with my husband. He was a good man. It will NOT get any better. In the end the rejection was too much and I painfully left. Do I regret it? In some ways but I know for a fact I would have ended up having an affair. Fundamentally, we are humans and apart from dolphins are the only other species to have sex for pleasure. No amount of dressing up, talking, suggesting we go away and all the other stuff made the slightest difference. I had to weigh up whether my sex life was over at 34 or not. Even the hugs started to become indifferent in the end.

bananadog

mr_jim wrote: »

I'm not sure which pill it is - I don't suppose you know if the injection is supposed to be any better/worse?

Hiya
Just wanted to say DO NOT get the pill injection (depo)

I had it for 10 years and didn't know why I felt awful all the time....I had NO sex drive at all and it was hard for me & hubby (well him tbh) and then we did some research....the depo injection has also been used for sex offenders to crush their sexual desire! :eek::eek::eek:

I put on weight, joint pains, hot flushes, no sex drive and another half a dozen other things on top of just those!

I have come off the injection ages ago (prob going on for a year now) and still have not had a period! It just shows how some drugs can nuke your insides without you knowing!!!

Luckily we are not trying for kids as we have 3 already but it has taken ages for my sex drive to finally start coming back! (and a very understanding husband)

Just make sure before you pick any contraception do your homework on it as I was never told about any of the side effects and thought it was the best thing since sliced bread as I had no periods for 10 years....but hey the only reason why the contraceptive was sooooo great was because there was no way I could get pregnant cos there was no way I wanted sex whilst on it! :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Hope everything goes well for you as you sound like a wonderful couple xxx

Percy1983

The injection sounds scary, will be sure to make sure my better half never has it.

With that she is on the pill and her sex drive is great (from a male point of view), but I don't know which pill it is to be honest (I can find out if its helpful).

Stephb1986_2

Hi Jim,

Don't go for the injection in ways it's simpler than having to take a pill everyday but it does have it's side affects. I have the implant and I'm sure thats the same side affects.

I've been with my fiance 4 years and we've been engaged 18 months, I don't have a very high libido and we only get to see eachother at weekends he works nights and I work during the day, some weekends we don't have sex some we do. I'm shattered on a Friday night by the time I get to his house but he's in the mood so I don't turn him down and sometimes I'm in the mood and he's not. Sometimes we're both too tired and thats fine.

I can see where your partner is coming from as me and my fiance have had proper coversations about our love life and I do try alot more now than I use to. I think that you really do need to sit down and have a good talk.

Good luck

Steph xx

Emmzi

reasons I go off sex:-

- bad personal hygeine/ grooming/ laundry
- no compliments
- hours of foreplay at start of relationship condensed into a quick hug and climb on
- irritated by clutter and state of house
- feel like I do all the work in the relationship
- annoyed by inequitable spending/ earning
- partner always "at me" for a sh*g (no conversation, no nights out etc) - feel like an object
- realisation that we want different things in life and stalling while I break it off