Lack of intimacy in relationship

LillythePink

mr_jim wrote: »

Thanks Lilly - I was wondering about contraception actually - maybe it's working a bit too well...!

She says she does fancy me.

She is a member of the gym and sometimes goes swimming with friends and tries to eat healthily but she doesn't stick to either very well.

We don't do a lot else as she is very busy but I should try and recommend more things, even if she says no.

It's clear from what people have said we need to talk about it - I fear it won't go very well though but it's best to find out.

Do you know which pill she is on? I was on Cerazette as was a number of people I know and we have all said the same thing it just kills your libido! Also, i'm sure that there were topics on here about it as well (and also another forum I was on) Although there are a number of pills which will do this to us women as well!

Yes talking will help, it will be hard for her to believe you if you say that you are not trying to put pressure on her but understand what she is feeling so you can support her and help in any way you can.

She will probably just see it as you saying give me some or I'm off - which isn't the case.

You are in a tricky place and it will be hard, but maybe things just need to be said and then you can start moving forwards.

How about a plan about what you can do for her and she for you - doesn't mean sex, but things to bring you both closer - massages, stroking, kissing not necessarily just on lips, but shoulders neck etc - this is for you to do to each other - but maybe do it in underwear so that she/you know that it isn't part of foreplay leading to the deed - it's almost like keeping sex out of it.

Date nights, anything to bring a bit of romance into your lives - but again, no sex just heavy petting etc

It's like getting her to relax and get turned on and trying to reawaken her interest but again.....no sex until she is ready for it.

I hope it works out for you both

leedsmodus

she probs is getting laid elsewhere by someone with a bigger sausage

mr_jim

Thanks Lilly

mr_jim

I'm not sure which pill it is - I don't suppose you know if the injection is supposed to be any better/worse?

dark_lady

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1384887/Is-partner-cold-distant-sex-A-new-book-says-suffer-intimacy-anorexia.html

make_me_wise

Is the only problem in the relationship the lack of intimacy? Can you two talk through any other problems and work as a team to resolve things? Or is communication also a problem.

Must admit I was a bit baffled when you said you had approached her about all this and she had dimissed it and said its not about you. Were things really left like that or did you tell her how this lack of closeness makes you feel.

Wont be easy but this needs addressing, you two really have to talk. Not just to the stage where she backs away and doesn't want to but till things are brought completely out int the open and the air is cleared.

Either things will work out the way you have been hoping or you will realise that maybe she isn't the one. Personally I couldn't contemplate being in a relationship with someone who I couldn't be physically close to, or communicate with well.

pozalina

I've been in a similar position, with me as the one who wasn't keen. I read something on an agony aunt page of a tabloid (bear with me...). It stuck in my mind cos it said when one partner goes off s*x it is usually a sign of deeper issues in the relationship. I know this was true for me as I had some issues with oh which caused me to respect him less. We had to really discuss it properly before anything got better.

Having said that, I also agree about the pill destroying libido. Mine has never been the same since I went on the pill, even though I was off it for 4 years when I had my children. I have heard of research that says it can permanently cause problems with libido:eek:

Good luck, I think you are on the right track now by what you've said.

January20

I don't think anybody has asked (unless I missed it), but does she (did she) enjoy sex with you?

I'm only asking because I had a boyfriend once and I would rather pretend I was asleep than have sex with him as it wasn't enjoyable...

scooby088

January20 wrote: »

I don't think anybody has asked (unless I missed it), but does she (did she) enjoy sex with you?

I'm only asking because I had a boyfriend once and I would rather pretend I was asleep than have sex with him as it wasn't enjoyable...

Then why be in a relationship? Seems rather pointless IMO.

themull1

If she's like this now, it will only get worse with different excuses. My husband has just left me, and we had only had sex twice last year, he didnt want me to touch him, or have cuddles etc, it used to break my heart because i'm a very touchy feely person, the first few months were great, then it tailed off, until 13 years later he left. I'm glad because i would rather be on my own than lie next to someone that i fancied but was never allowed to touch.