Help....not sure what to do.

flippin36

This world is a strange place.

dontknowwhat2doanymore

My ex was and still is a compulsive liar. Although he was abusive as well, his lies still effect our children. 12 months on I am just about to complete my first year in a social work degree- yes its been hard but in 2 years time me and my children will see the rewards. As well I am in a relationship with someone who knows my past and would never- touch wood- lie to me as he has seen how it has hurt me before. What I'm trying to say is that although you might not see it now there IS a future for you and your children in the future. If I knew then what I know now I would have kicked my ex out a long time ago.

Only you can decide what's best, but just remember you are never too old to follow your dreams, and you and your children deserve the best. xxx

Keeping_Positive

My now Ex was similar I couldnt and still cant always beleive what he says to me. We also had the annual rows with just getting by in the meantime. Last year I moved out but felt guilty so agreed to stay together in a relationship as I thought he wasnt coping. Move on 8 months and its now over. I feel used but much happier. We were together for about 15 years since I was 18. The final break was 2 weeks ago and I still feel very strange.

However tough it seems to break you and your kids will be better off

blue_monkey_2

I've read the OP again and again. I was wondering if he could have Autism? Years ago these things were never picked up on like they are now. He sounds like a child with Autism (Aspergers), only he is an adult. If he has not had these issues addressed as a child/teenager then how to act socially, and to know what is expected of him, is going to be hard. I guess it is going to be hard to find out as his parents are not here to ask and his sister would probably not have taken much notice in all fairness.

With his dad and mum dying it could have set him on a downwards spiral and the fantasies are his way of dealing with their deaths - maybe he believes these things happened. He could have read a book for eaxmple and believes that the person in the book was him because he related to something that person had done. Can you make an appointment to speak to your GP and see what he thinks? Maybe he can get him referred to a phsyciatrist for help.

Does he have routines he has to stick to, weird obsessions or do things have to be done in a certain way?

Either way, if he does then you have to decide whether or not you can live with things are they are. You might just end up feeling like a nag having to remind him to do these things but this is what you might have to do. Do you tell him to have a bath and brush his teeth or do the things you want him to do or do you just expect them to be done. If his parents never worried about him having a bath/brushing his teeth then he has gone all through his life thinking these things are not important.

Maybe everything that is going on has clouded your judgement over whether you love him, it is very easy to get into a rut. Could you see yourself living without him and being happier?

If you cannnot live with him you have to decide what you want to do. Go and see the council and speak to them, if you have too much equity you'll not be able to get LHA but you should get benefits if you decided to move out with the kids but not sure if you would get help with the rent. Could he afford the house on his own and buy you out (you would need a solicitor for that I would guess).

However, I think he needs to see a phsyciatrist myself, to find out what the issues are to make him the way he is. If you cannot make that move away from him then maybe you need to take this step instead.

flutterby_lil

It makes me laugh that you changed your user name in case you husband saw what you had written, however from what you have described he will know it is you anyway....don't get it?!?!?

Anyway, I too had an ex the same, he is in prison now for selling drugs!! I left him after 9 years about 4 years ago and have gone on to meet a lovely man and have a gorgeous boy too. You can find happiness if you allow yourself too, staying with him isn't giving you or the twins a good future. You know in your head what to do.

Good luck.

Alias_Omega

Had a friend who was married to a guy who lied all the time. Lied about being in the military, had all these medals. Wore the uniform for the wedding. My friend had friends in the military and they were telling her that this guy was a faker, she ignored them and took his side.

Years on, he still told stories. That he was qualified in X,Y & Z. Held a high profile job until it was found that he had no qualifications, was just cuffing it. Then he had a driving job, which then once people found out he had no driving license he was sacked. Then came another job, which eventually his stories made him a laughing joke within the firm. Being in and out of work caused alot of financial issues, income could not be sure. Eventually it turned out he had an affair and made someone pregnant. My friend divorced him pretty much asap & has now moved on and met someone else.

Only one problem with this, it wasnt just him that was hurt. My friend had a son, he was 8 when this guy arrived on the scene. Over the years with all the lies and poop that came out his mouth, now reported that my friends son talks the same.

Not only has it affected my friend, but also my friends son...

Jackie47

I was seeing a guy like that (met him on t'internet) about 10 years ago now....even the stories seem similar!!! Although he told me he'd been shot in Iraq and Ireland, then went on to be a diver doing secret stuff and finally being a bodyguard to the rich and famous. Told me he looked like Grant Mitchell....hmmmm, it was ALL lies!

If there's no trust then I don't think there's a future, sorry. I personally couldn't be with a guy who told such huge whoppers and why waste life if love isn't there? We only get one chance at it!!!

Jackie

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Went out with someone like that - always telling different stories about his terrible past. Got dumped once I got wind of him wheedling his way around a couple of girls I was friends with. He tells people that my DD is his - she isn't. Then tells them that his son and daughter from his marriage aren't his. Also that he was responsible for someone dying when he was a teenager in the cadets, then seeing someone decapitated when with his dad, then someone else....

He got in touch again just before I moved. Turns out he has a partner he lives with, a long term girlfriend 30 miles away, a new squeeze 10 miles away and he was feeling lonely and wanted to talk to someone he trusted!!!!! Made allusions to being terminally ill, which I completely ignored as he refused to provide any consistent (or checkable) information. After a few times, found out he had got a car and put blue flashing lights in the grille to make him look like a police officer. Reckoned it was so he could get through traffic. ALARM BELLS!!!!!

Didn't answer some of his texts - I started getting ones saying my daughter should be in bed by now, that kind of thing, ie, he was outside watching me.

I cut him off and reported him about the car.


He got in touch via my daughter (who has since blocked him) to say his grandmother had died. I checked the deaths and cremations in the local rag. She's not dead.


He doesn't know I've moved - or by now, at least where I have moved to.

Run away - seriously. These people will do your head in.

*Robin*

blue_monkey wrote: »

I've read the OP again and again. I was wondering if he could have Autism? Years ago these things were never picked up on like they are now. He sounds like a child with Autism (Aspergers), only he is an adult.

He certainly has a mental health problem, but I really doubt this man has Aspergers. The lying just does not fit.

blue_monkey_2

People with aspergers do not see it as lying though, they read/see a story and relate to it and think that it is them and tell that story as thought it was them. Not sure that is reading how I want it to. This happened to one of the older kids at the support group I go to and reading the OP made me think about it which was why I mentioned it, along with other things in the OP.