Help....not sure what to do.

confused2011

errata, he laso lies and says he has not done something when he has and he will only come clean when I keep at him...he is like a kid at times and it does frustrate me.

lynzpower

confused2011 wrote: »

I am not sure if I love him or not and that makes me feel guilty cos he says he does love me and also we have kids. I am not sure if I lvoe him and that is clouded by all that has gone on in the past etc...hope that makes sense!

Did he have a particularly difficult upbringing? Im sensing that there is something very childlike about his actions and the needing to be affirmed in some way or feel important?

pearl123

How old is he? I'm wondering if he was young when he met you? Although, there does not seem to be any excuse as it is way over the top.

Are still on the recieving end of tall tales?

flippin36

I couldn't live my life like that. He sounds like he really needs help. Perhaps a temporary seperation whilst he gets the help he needs and you can work out what you want for your future and for your kids.

I know someone who lives with a man who tells huge big whoppers (about working away when he isn't, properties he is supposed to own, lies about his family, non existent businesses etc etc). She is still with him after 10 years and is a very unhappy person - I wish she could find someone else to be honest.

confused2011

We met when he was 39yr so old enough to know better. I was 28 at the time. His dad died when he was about 16yrs old and his mum in 2003. he never talks about either or remembers their dates etc.

I have thought about seperation but can not as I have not financial back up, no local family and my contracted job ended end of March and have not found anything yet. that is another thing, I am having to take jobs for the sake of it rather then get a career again due to his shift work and no family around here. I had to give up my career and can't go back as would have to start training all over again. The other things I would love to train in (social work, teacher, midwife etc) all require training/shift work and we can not afford it.

I feel as though I am stuck in a hugh rut....

amistupid

Sounds like he did have a parachute accident and landed on his head.

sunnyone

One of my best friends was with a man who was the same (frighteningly the same, his name isnt Duncan is it?) and they had three kids together, the kids are all now under help for their MH and the eldest at 12 year old even tried suicide because of his behaviour.

The kids get into trouble at school etc, because they believe him and boast about him being a pilot for both planes and helicopters, about the wounds he got in Iraq and you dont want that for your kids OP.

He has even been on TV and in the papers with his lies, about how hte Iraq war cost him his marrage (that my friend didnt have eith him btw) and how it cost him his kids, which again it didnt his inability to open his gob and utter a word of truth cost him everything.

Ditch him and while you need to be very carefull with the kids thay need to understand that maybe he streches the truth at first and then over time they will see for themselves that hes an out and out liar.

ormus

amistupid wrote: »

Sounds like he did have a parachute accident and landed on his head.

probably fell onto a couple of trolls.

pearl123

At 39 he really should know better.

A few people get into teaching via studying with the Open University. Is that worth thinking about - looking into? Very often you can get help with studying fees. You can also stop, start and have breaks according to what happening in your life. (A bit of a jump in topic but I wondered if it would be of use)
Regarding your relationship only you know if it is worth keeping and improving or not.

londonsurrey

I was married to an immature man for 20 years, the cracks were there.
I was a higher rate tax payer, trying to cope with him led to me having a nervous breakdown, and not being able to work.

He committed suicide a while ago, and I'm now left with literally the ashes.
What would I say to my younger self?
Ditch him. Yes, it's difficult, with all that you've invested in him, but really, ditch him. And now.