Relationship advice needed - boyfriend hasn't moved in

BitterAndTwisted

What will happen if this boyfriend decides to stay at home with Mummy and stops paying his half of the rent? You will become liable for the whole lot on your own. It is most likely that you have signed a tenancy agreement worded as "jointly and severally liable" for the whole of the rent. Therefore there is no such thing as "your half" and "his half". The landlord will chase any arrears from the person they can most easily collect it from. Which will be you. Can you afford all of the rent on your own if your boyfriend dumps you in the mire?

getmore4less

give notice on the flat as soon as you can(if you don't want to pay all of it) and move on.

Amy_1984

I can't afford the flat on my own, I'd rather rent the second room out than move. Moving is an expensive business!

BitterAndTwisted

Please ensure you know whether you need to acquire your landlord's permission in order to get someone else in with you to share the rent! I think you could be very in serious danger of being dumped on from a great height if this boyfriend declines to move in and does not continue to pay his share of the rent.

paddy's_mum

I feel that you may be in the throes of a lucky escape, even though you obviously think the world of your boyfriend and hard as a break-up may be.

Take a moment to consider what your life would be like a few years down the line when all your decisions - contraception, pregnancy, holidays, choice of home, colour of wallpaper, where you spend Christmas and birthdays, what name you give your children and should they be baptised, whether or not you return to work - your potential Mother in Law will have her treacherous little fingers in all of them.... and this is the crux of the matter - her son will have given her the power to force you into obedience.

gordikin

Tell him there's going to be no more jiggy jiggy until he moves in!

building_with_lego

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

...

On the second point, I would say count that as a lucky escape - after all, what would happen if you were to start a family? Either she would demand that he leave you or the child would never be your own.

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Take a moment to consider what your life would be like a few years down the line when all your decisions - contraception, pregnancy, holidays, choice of home, colour of wallpaper, where you spend Christmas and birthdays, what name you give your children and should they be baptised, whether or not you return to work - your potential Mother in Law will have her treacherous little fingers in all of them.... and this is the crux of the matter - her son will have given her the power to force you into obedience.

Exactly what happened to a woman I know- she and her husband chose their baby's name, mummy didn't like it and the woman's still angry about it seven years later. I don't know about anyone else but I'm determined to raise my children to know their own minds and stand up for themselves, not to be spineless wimps looking to others in decisionmaking situations .

SugarSpun

My ex's mother was exactly the same way. We were together for nine years because I really wanted to believe that one day he'd be adult enough to tell her the way he felt about being controlled and emotionally blackmailed by her, but when I was offered a job overseas she put her foot down and he chose to stay local to her rather than transfer within his company to move with me and start an actual adult life together. It was very sad, but I didn't want to share my partner with another woman and I think the OP's in the same situation.

Murtle

Get a flat mate and dump him, every girl deserves to be treated properly. This doesn't sound like it is properly for yo (it wouldn't be for me either, but I guess some people might like it)

I wouldn't even bother with the ultimatum, you need someone for you - not someone you need to threaten to wake up to themselves

anguk

Amy_1984 wrote: »

I don't think it's me. My bf's older brother lives at home with his wife and baby. They announced a few weeks ago that they were planning on moving out and his mother did the exact same thing. So far, they haven't moved out either.

:eek: I think it's about time both sons cut the apron strings and got on with their own lives instead of giving in to this woman's emotional blackmail. Does she expect them to stay with her until she dies?

If she's not careful and goes through with her threat to disown her own children if they leave home she's going to end up a very bitter, lonely old woman. Or her sons will end up bitter, lonely old men.

As far as I'm concerned it's my job as a mother to raise my children to be decent, law abiding, independent adults.