Those who are waiting to TTC

amus

Ellie83 wrote: »

Ladies, I feel like a spoilt child. I want everything yesterday. I keep beating myself up because if it hadn't been for my weight problem, we could have started to TTC months ago instead of wasting all this time *ranting Ellie* Please tell me I'm being unreasonable :rotfl:

No Im exactly the same, when I want something I want it NOW lol!!

Dont beat yourself up, a few months wont make any difference, and its better for you and baby if you're healthier when you conceive!

amus

Miss_Bolan wrote: »

just wanted to say ellie you are not being unreasonable, and I feel sometimes like I am also being spoilt and behaving badly, I should just be sensible, but I blame our biological clocks, when they tick it's hard to ignore!!

also, I work in a benefits office, and don't get me wrong, I am very 'pro' the benefits system, most people genuinely claim and are good and decent people, but sometimes you do ge the claimants who have as many kids as they like, damned with the consequences and the government will pick up the tab. When I see that, and I am there working being sensible and waiting for 'financial security' I could just scream!! And it doesn't help my resolve :-)

I know its really hard when ypu see people popping out babies they cannot afford whilst you're trying to be sensible.

What I will say is I dont think there is ever a 'perfect' time for having a baby, so if you're in a reasonably secure position I would say go for it!!

Miss_Bolan

Amus - it's a shame really for those who have children and rely on the state, because if this government gets its way the support will go! It's another reason I feel we should wait a bit, at the moment you can calculate what tax credit help there is for childcare etc, but when the system changes it's impossible to know whether the help will still be there!? And I worry about that, as we are ok financially because of my income, but as I am the one who has to go on maternity and then reduce my hours (because I have this crazy desire to raise my own children and not put them in nursery 10 hours a day!) then we will struggle I think as my hsuband earns less (currently on a student income).

amus

Miss_Bolan wrote: »

Amus - it's a shame really for those who have children and rely on the state, because if this government gets its way the support will go! It's another reason I feel we should wait a bit, at the moment you can calculate what tax credit help there is for childcare etc, but when the system changes it's impossible to know whether the help will still be there!? And I worry about that, as we are ok financially because of my income, but as I am the one who has to go on maternity and then reduce my hours (because I have this crazy desire to raise my own children and not put them in nursery 10 hours a day!) then we will struggle I think as my hsuband earns less (currently on a student income).

Ahh I see, Ive always been lucky in that my husband is the main earner. I agree I wouldnt like to have to put my child in nursery 5 days a week.

When does your husband finish his course?

Miss_Bolan

hhe has only just started it... Its a 3 year course. The thing is, when he was working he was on about 13k net (a fair bit less than me). With student finance and a part time job his income is pretty much the same (maybe 1k less a year) so in my head it's hard to rationalise waiting just because of his studies, as if he hadn't got on the course he would still be at that job (he had a respectful, responsible job as a civil servant, it's just they pay rubbish!) and we would be starting our family now. It's always going to be my income which changes...

sammy_wheeler

ahh my friend text me yesterday saying that she was pregnant with her 2nd child- and asked me to be god mum when baby arrives first time being god mother so feel really happy. also it only took her 3 weeks to get pregnant (4 weeks with her 1st child who was 2 in may)
and my best friend who is due in dec- it took her 1.5 months.
so it defo does happen fast- which gives me complete hope that when we start trying in dec it wont be too long until i am a mummy

browneyedbazzi

becciboop - I don't know if it helps, but you are definitely not alone in feeling like you do. I worry all the time that I may have left things too late especially as a close friend of mine who is only a little bit older had a lot of trouble conceiving (she has a beautiful baby girl now but it was not an easy journey and she says she wishes she had started younger).

rubyinamountainofrocks - I recently had to take a course of two different antibiotics and did some reading about their effect on hormonal contraceptive because I was unsure if it was just the pill that was affected or other forms as well (I used the evra transdermal patch) and it appears that the advice about antibiotics interfering with contraceptives has changed. They now say there are a couple of specific antibiotics that can cause a problem but most of the commonly used ones are fine and don't affect it at all

bigzippy

Miss_Bolan wrote: »

has anyone considered asking the ladies on the threads who are trying to get pregnant, but for whom its taking ages, whether they regret waiting? I don't want to upset them, and maybe I just want someone to tell me what I want to hear (rather than the practical me in my brain!).

I'm on the ttc & ttc 12m+ thread ( I keep an eye on you lot from time to time ) and we've been TTC almost 2yrs. I'm not offended by your question and I doubt any of the other ladies would be either. Personally speaking I can say yes and no! We put off ttc for just over a year after getting married, foot financial reasons. I found out I had PCOS right near the beginning of our ttc journey, and assumed that was our biggest problem. I've been losing weight since and always hoped that once I started ovulating, we'd have a better chance of conceiving, and if that didn't happen naturally (and I got to the right weight) I'd get given clomid and was optimistic that would work. I've always had in the back of my head what weight I'd need to be for ivf though, and that's what I've been working towards.

Now, having been referred back to the gynae/fertility specialist, and had further tests, it turns out that in a lot of respects PCOS is the least of my worries - my tubes are completely blocked and I'm told there's no chance of unblocking them. IVF is apparently our only chance for biological children.

So, do I wish we'd started earlier? Yes, because then I feel like we'd be a year down the line from where we are, hopefully with an (IVF-induced) bump by now. No, because ttc (or more to the point, ttc & failing) is stressful, and actually this past year or 2 has been more than stressful enough (for other reasons mainly) and we couldn't have coped with IVF on top of that.

There is no easy answer. I go through phases of beating myself up about not starting sooner, but really I'm just mad at the outcome of our journey so far. :cool: What will be, will be.

But I would say that if you can afford your current outgoings, and you want to ttc, and are over a certain age, then I personally wouldn't wait. I think "they" are right regarding money and kids, I think you generally "manage"

That's just my 2p worth

Ellie83

Miss_Bolan wrote: »

just wanted to say ellie you are not being unreasonable, and I feel sometimes like I am also being spoilt and behaving badly, I should just be sensible, but I blame our biological clocks, when they tick it's hard to ignore!!

It's now that I realise how powerful hormones can be, because they can affect the body but also the mind! I get so sentimental when thinking about having baby I can't wait for someone to call me "maman" (of course my child will be perfectly bilingual )

amus wrote: »

No Im exactly the same, when I want something I want it NOW lol!!

Dont beat yourself up, a few months wont make any difference, and its better for you and baby if you're healthier when you conceive!

I know Amus, that's what I keep repeating myself. It's just that I want to be slim AND toned NOW :rotfl: Good news is, I am almost there weight wise!!!

amus wrote: »

Ahh I see, Ive always been lucky in that my husband is the main earner. I agree I wouldnt like to have to put my child in nursery 5 days a week.

Same here, that's why I feel like I'm being ungrateful So many other women just do not have a choice.

Miss Bolan, I have these dreams too! I feel so weird when I wake up, I can't even talk about them. I don't know why. But I wake up sad when I realise it was just a dream

BabyMad

Thanks for posting Bigzippy!!

I had been wondering about waiting 6 months but am now comfortable that it's the right thing for us. I think regret is a wasted emotion, we've made the right decision for us with the information available at the time and what will be will be.

Although I'm 35 I couldn't realistically have started TTC much earlier as I've been waiting to meet my partner. Now we've met, we're getting married and ttc whilst on honeymoon and beyond.

Neither of us are getting any younger and who knows how long it will take for us to conceive (if we are blessed at all) but we are stating as soon as is sensible and we'll do our best to have a child.

We are making arrangements in case we get our bfp straight away but also know it could take quite a long time - until we get started we won't know that.

Miss Bolan - no easy answer to your dilema. I have been saving up for some time now (didn't quite know what for but I knew that in the next couple of years big, and expensive, things were going to happen one way or another so I needed to have some cash) and are having a big push on the savings in the next 4 months as we are wanting to buy a bigger home, decorate and furnish it, buy baby things at the appropriate time and my income would reduce after maternity leave etc but hopefully the preparations we've made will see us through. I'm sure there will still be things we want extra money for and I'm hoping that the phrase "you'll manage, there is never a perfect time or amount of money" is true. Good luck with your decision making.

Really hope you get your bfp soon zippy!!