Needing some advice..... Things not going well

puddy

if it is true that the child has made these allegations off his own back, this is not a child manipulating, he is s6, he doesnt know what sex or sexual abuse is, let alone the implications for talking about sexual activity.

he has either been abused (or witnessed abuse )somewhere, and has disclosed that and said mum and step dad are the perpetrators, or he has said something innocent and innocuous and this has been interpreted as an allegation

it is common for kids who are actually being abused to make allegations about people that are not the abusers

however, something is not right here, this child is clearly under the radar, seems to be living with extended family, or there are plans for him to be anyway, social services are recommending residency with extended family, so something is not ok at this child's home and OPs reaction (if true and real) is a demonstration of how inadequate his emotional care has been

kathy206

puddy wrote: »

if it is true that the child has made these allegations off his own back, this is not a child manipulating, he is s6, he doesnt know what sex or sexual abuse is, let alone the implications for talking about sexual activity.

he has either been abused (or witnessed abuse )somewhere, and has disclosed that and said mum and step dad are the perpetrators, or he has said something innocent and innocuous and this has been interpreted as an allegation

it is common for kids who are actually being abused to make allegations about people that are not the abusers

however, something is not right here, this child is clearly under the radar, seems to be living with extended family, or there are plans for him to be anyway, social services are recommending residency with extended family, so something is not ok at this child's home and OPs reaction (if true and real) is a demonstration of how inadequate his emotional care has been

:TFantastic post, just what I was thinking, but couldn't put it into words.

puddy

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Ding-a-ling - yep, you pulled the other one and proved it had bells on it!

the social worker wouldnt be required to visit every other week if the child was deemed to be safe. for looked after children the minimum is 6 weekly. for child protection (whilst ongoing investigation) the minimum is 2 weekly (but its usually more in the early days), for child in need its 4 weekly.

obviously good practice is more than that, but she wouldnt have to 'claim' to have visited you fortnightly, so why would she say that if she didnt have to?

jakem_2

My daughters FIL was in a similar position, he was innocent we all knew this, but his life was made hell during the pending court case, he was not allowed to see his grankids.

He was living with a woman for many years, her daughter had 3 girls, and one was 13, and very jealous of the other two, so to get attention she would do naughty things etc.

Anyway the fil treated the grankids as his own, knew them from babies, but one particuler evening the 13 year decided to make an allegation about step granddad, now the woman who he was living with knew him, and did not think for a min he would do this, but her daughter (mother of the 13 yr old) was going mental, so the woman had to make a choice, ie her daughter/grandaughter, or the man she lived with for over 15 years, she picked her grandaughter without a doubt.

deep down the woman had an inkling that the grandaughter was telling lies etc, but she had to support her daughter/grandaughter.

The GD had to see people to get the story, solicitors/police were involved, this man was branded a peodaphile, his life was hell.
He split with the grandmother, moved away, his life in pieces, it went to court, then it came out she was lying, he walked away an innocent man, the grandmother tried to get him back, but like what you said... how could he go back knowing the 13 yr old would be around and it could happen again, he has now picked up the pieces of his life.

What I am trying to get at is that this girl was 13, I wont go into too much detail about the girl's mother, but the 13 year old saw and heard too much for her own good where her mother was concerned, but still the grandmother (living with the accused) took her GD side, and made the man leave.

So I cannot comprehend why a mother would choose you over her 6 year old son, even though you are innocent etc, the fact is that this little boy is going through hell, dont know what the hell is going on, all these people are at him, strangers asking questions, and the only person who he has known all his little life abandons him... this is what I cannot get my head around.

mishkanorman

I have a 6 year old, he wouldnt even know where to begin being 'spiteful' and certainly wouldnt be able to fabricate a story with no holes in it that a grown adult couldnt see through !

that poor poor boy, stuck in the middle of such a nightmare family !

balletshoes

EverythingsNotOK wrote: »

You have provided some sensible advice, but its easier to read these things than to actually do them. I know I should be holding my head up, not letting them get to me, but their most recent solicitors letter is whats affecting me the most, claiming that me and son were constantly touching each other....... how can they get away with saying these things.



When I say "kicked out" that may have not been the right words.

Social services/police wouldnt let him come back, because OH chose to side with me, which actually spoke volumes to the police with regards to the investigation.

OH put all of son's belongings into bags, flat-packed his wardrobe, etc, and gave it all to the family. We have been given the impression by social services that he will never be returning to our care, and my OH has told the social that he isnt wanted back here. I know its hard for people to read and understand that, but he has torn this family apart (whether or not he understands what he is doing!) - how can we love him after all this has happened?

Put yourselves in this position. A member of your family makes an allegation against you. Would you ever love that person again, trust them?

If this is a real story and not a complete wind-up (which I really hope it is) - you seriously need help - and so does your OH. Their son, your stepson, is 6 years old. You both by your actions and words have effectively cut him off from you, and sent him to live with the very people who are poisonous enough to dream up these allegations.
I cannot even begin to comprehend telling anyone that my 6-year old child was not wanted back home - for anything! How can you love him you ask? He's a child, you may not have a blood bond with him, but his parent does, and any normal parent loves, treasures and safeguards their 6-year old child way above any partner/husband/wife - even in this bizarre set of circumstances.

valkirn

EverythingsNotOK wrote: »

Your post makes sense, but it is so hard to not feel some anger at the son; after all we have provided for him to then have a kick in the teeth like this.

We feel he has been manipulated, but it is so hard to come to terms with.

What part of he is 6 is really not getting back through that skull of yours!!!!

You feel ANGER toward a boy of 6 because you have provided for him and he has KICKED YOU IN THE TEETH???

I'm sorry but he is 6 and a 6 yr old would expect his mum and dad to provide for him without using this against him, in fact i would hardly expect the 6 year old to understand that you have to provide for him he probably thought you did this because you loved him!!!!

I think we are really talking to a adult here who seems to think a 6 yr old could hold some kind of personal vendetta against him in fact scrap that i dont think we are talking to an adult here at all!!!

And not only that the one person he probably thought would be there for him has been MADE to turn her back on him and i say MADE because no mother worth her weight in salt would turn her back on a vunerable child!! I know i certainly wouldn't and i sincerely hope she comes to her senses soon ans sees you for what you are, you may not have done anything to the child physically but what you are doing to him now is far far worse!!

flippin36

I have a feeling the karma police are going to be visiting.....

Janepig

EverythingsNotOK wrote: »

So you would support my OH perversing the course of justice, just so the boy can continue to live at home?

In what way would your OH be perverting the course of justice by having the child at home and you living elsewhere? From what you've said, your wife isn't accused of anything. Why would any professional suggest that she has no contact with him until the case is concluded? Any professional with the remotest interest in the child's welfare would encourage as much contact between them as possible. It doesn't prevent your partner from being supportive of you, visiting you, accompanying you to Court, even giving evidence in your defence.

*Robin*

Well if this is a true story, I hope the crisis team have been round to visit OP by now, and he and his partner are receiving the help they obviously need.

And the little boy - I hope he's somewhere safe with people who love him.