Needing some advice..... Things not going well

EverythingsNotOK

Hi,

I am a regular user of this forum, but due to the contents of this post I am using a different username, this whole situation is very embarrasing and I dont want people to look at my regular username differently, hope you can understand.

About 2 weeks ago I was arrested for inciting a child to engage in sexual activity - without going into too much detail I did not do it and this is another malicious allegation from my OH's family, who seem to hate everything I do. They never took to me when I met my OH and they hate the fact that we got married. I never did anything wrong, they just never gave me the opportunity to get to know them and get on with them. Then the false allegations started, they seem adamant they want me and the OH to split up.

They made a false allegation last year, for domestic abuse involving a child - this came to nothing, police did not take any further because they had no evidence, no bruises or anything. I hadn't done it, the police believed my story and my OH backed me up too, they dropped the case on the recommendation of the CPS.

So two weeks ago I had the police turn up, out of the blue, and arrest me. I cant go into detail because its an ongoing case at the moment, I am on bail with conditions for another 3 weeks.

I'm not really too sure what I'm looking for people to say to me, I know whatever anyone says its not going to make this go away, maybe this is just a good way for me to vent my anger and frustration.
I visited the doctor this afternoon because I have been feeling very depressed. If I'm honest, I cant even pick up a kitchen knife without wanting to stab myself. The doc said if I did such things, it would make me look guilty. Its more the opposite - I want to hurt myself because I am so angry that no one is listening to me. No one believes me apart from my OH, who was called as a prosecution witness. The OH was interviewed by the police, the OH stuck up for me again, even though OH was named as a witness by the prosecution. When the police told OH what the accusation was and the OH was supposed to of witnessed me doing such things, OH immediately said that I hadnt done anything wrong. OH even told the police not to send son back to home, because OH wanted me to come home after being bailed. OH has told Social services and our solicitor the same, we even bagged up all his belongings, even his bed and wardrobe for OH's family to collect. As of last week, the son was "kicked out" of the house for making such a malicious allegation. Son is 6 years of age. I would like to point out that I was questioned for inciting a child only, no sexual contact was ever accused. It was only suggesting an activity take place.

Maybe if I sayI DID NOT DO THIS in big enough letters, people might start to believe me? I have had nothing but Social workers, police officers, solicitors, looking down their nose at me thinking I'm some serial child rapist. Its been a horrible experience and one that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. The waiting around whilst investigations take place is the worst part - people prying into my private life, seizing computers for analysis, its awful. I have nothing to hide and am 200% sure they will not find a shred of evidence, because you cant find evidence for a crime that never happened. But that doesnt stop me from worrying. You see stuff like this in the national news etc, people going to court for sexual matters. What if one persons word versus another person is enough to take it to court? My solicitor said that this stuff always goes to Crown court, so my life would be in the hands of a jury?

And now you might be able to see why I want to cut myself, jump off the local motorway bridge...... some people may see that as a selfish move, an easy way out, but I hate not having control over my life. This waiting around, not knowing what my future holds for me, its tearing me apart.

The doctor put me on anti-depressants today and she said she wanted to section me for everyones benefit - I may not be a complete risk to myself, but I do feel tempted to grab a handful of house bricks and take every single window out of their house.....

Sorry if I have rambled.... its helped to get it off my chest. Might not have been comfortable reading, but my head is in a very dark place right now and I need help

One question that people might be able to shed some light on though; I claim JSA currently as a couple (this year hasnt been a kind one so far, so desperate to get back to work!) and the doc signed me off for a full month today. How does this affect the JSA? We currently get the couple rate of £105 per week, do we lose any money if I have been signed off? Really not sure how any of this works, very rarely visit the doctor so dont have a lot of experience with sick notes

Thanks all for listening

Hobo17

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Hopefully the fact that the allegation made last year by them was unsubstantiated, will count in your favour and will discredit them somewhat. From seeing someone else's experience, I can say that the slightest mention of any issue by a child may result in SS jumping all over everything and the police being involved (rightly so in many cases). So while I can imagine you are angry with your OH's son, please remember that he may be having his words twisted, taken way out of context or being manipulated in some other way by his family. He's 6 and probably terrified and wondering what is going on. Try not to direct your anger towards him. Is your OH going to keep in some kind of contact with him? (phone or letter if not allowed to have actual face to face contact?)

Do you have a solicitor looking after your case, are you eligible for legal aid?

As for the JSA, I believe you can be signed off for 2 weeks without affecting JSA. Then the job centre will switch you over to income support or ESA.

meritaten

The child is 6 years old! surely HE didnt march into a police station and press charges! He is being manipulated. AND HE IS THE ONE I FEEL MOST SORRY FOR! sorry to shout, but its how I feel. and it makes you look even more guilty hun, the fact that he has been packed off to OHs family may make it look as if your OH has sent him out of harms way! if these charges are malicious you played right into their hands!
If you didnt do this - then I do have a lot of sympathy for you. but right now I am feeling you arent concerened about the child and are angry at him. Get over it! Killing yourself wont solve anything you know............prove these are malicious charges and hold your head up!

jetta_wales

Please tell me 6 is a typo that should have been 16?

You can't kick out a 6 year old for being influenced by dreadful people and give him straight into the hands of those very people. At the very least it should be your folks he goes to.

Really hoping that was a typo because that's just ridiculous.

Claire_Bear

I'm so sorry to hear about all of this, it must be truly awful for you to have to go through Just cling onto the knowledge of your own innocence and trust that it will come through in the end and you'll be cleared. Also it sounds like you have a wonderful supporting OH who is willing to stand up for you and stand by you in this awful time which is something. If OHs family have already made a false allegation against you, is there no way that once this trial is over, you could find some way to get them in trouble? If they keep making such serious allegations against you that come out to have no evidence and you are cleared both times then it could be seen as a case against them?

Tiddlywinks

I don't understand - you have been accused (charged?) with inciting a minor into sexual activity?

The minor in question is your son? Are you still allowed contact with your son? What do you mean when you say he has been "kicked out"? Where is he now?

Who reported the incident? What evidence did they put to you in questioning?

The police, quite rightly, are required to investigate such serious allegations and they are required to interview you whilst under caution to protect your rights.

As part of the case, the disclosures of evidence / key elements will be declared to your legal representative and nothing produced in court should be a surprise so you will have ample chance to give your side - it will not just be your word against another as the criminal case needs to be proven beyond reasonable doubt.

I too wonder whether the age of 6 was a typo and am also sorry that you seem just as concerned about your benefits payments than your son's continued care.

RacyRed

Who helped the child report the allegation?

I'm guessing that the child was packed off to relatives because you and he would not be allowed to live in the same house once the allegation was made. By doing this has OH has chosen not to make you homeless?

mrs_marty

I feel for you as a member of my own family was accused of this and more and waiting to go through the process was awful thankfully the truth was easily outed. The people in question did it to keep him out of a will!

He went through similar emotions. How is your OH baring up? Can you talk to your family?

Keep talking to your OH or someone independent, get yourself a good solicitor. Please don't harm yourself that's exactly what they want.

jetta_wales

It all sounds just a tad odd at this point tbh.

EverythingsNotOK

Hobo17 wrote: »

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Hopefully the fact that the allegation made last year by them was unsubstantiated, will count in your favour and will discredit them somewhat. From seeing someone else's experience, I can say that the slightest mention of any issue by a child may result in SS jumping all over everything and the police being involved (rightly so in many cases). So while I can imagine you are angry with your OH's son, please remember that he may be having his words twisted, taken way out of context or being manipulated in some other way by his family. He's 6 and probably terrified and wondering what is going on. Try not to direct your anger towards him.

Do you have a solicitor looking after your case, are you eligible for legal aid?

As for the JSA, I believe you can be signed off for 2 weeks without affecting JSA. Then the job centre will switch you over to income support or ESA.

Thankyou for the kind advice.

We have 2 solicitors at the moment, one for me for the criminal investigations and one for the OH regarding the family civil issues. The worst thing about this whole situation is they have a solicitor writing to us telling us they are applying for a full residency order. Thats not the problem, the problem is the statements being sent to the court from OH's family. According to them myself and the son have touched each other inappropriately several times, the son has also gone and touched other members of their family inappropriately too - all fabricated lies. It just seems so wrong that they can do this.

On a positive note, I have just received a call from a crisis team run by the NHS. They are coming to see me this evening to discuss whether I need to be taken to hospital - I really dont know what to expect but I will just be honest with them about how I am feeling and let them do what they will.

tom9980

I have seen this happen before an innocent person accused of something they never did by people who were frankly nutters and didnt like this person. It took 6 months to sort it out and in the end charges were dropped because there was no evidence, just accusations nothing more. Very few people knew what had happened or that he was even arrested, the police were professional afterwards admitting they knew all along what the outcome would be but they had a duty to investigate. The accusing family were known to authorities and the end result was the child was eventually removed from the care of the accusers so that kind of backfired on them!. Do not assume that everyone is judging you in a negative way believe me they will have seen it all before.

You are in hell right now, forget about working, your goal is to survive this prepare yourself for 3+ months of this. If you are innocent there is no evidence! cooperate with the police and all agencies involved so that they can uncover the truth quickly. Involve your solicitor at all times you are fighting for your future family life here.

As for dark thoughts etc or being sectioned this is not the way to go at all this is a horrible situation for you to be in yes but people survive worse than this and so can you. Every day you must wake up with a positive mindset of "I have done nothing wrong, today could be the day i am cleared of wrong doing".

When it is all over you really must get away from these people never ever involve yourself or be within a mile of them ever again under any circumstances, this is non negotiable.

Good luck.