Needing some advice..... Things not going well

shegirl

You claim you've kicked the 6 year old child out?now,putting aside the fact that not much adds up,especially you claiming it was choice that he does not reside with you,anybody who does that is insane.

A 6 year old...do you think he truely understands and knows what is going on?Do you not think he is impressionable?Do you not think that maybe this has happened due to other problems?Do you not think that instead of the mother helping this kid and teaching him right from wrong etc pushing him away,sending him packing is going to make matters worse?

EverythingsNotOK

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

I don't understand - you have been accused (charged?) with inciting a minor into sexual activity?

The minor in question is your son? Are you still allowed contact with your son? What do you mean when you say he has been "kicked out"? Where is he now?

Who reported the incident? What evidence did they put to you in questioning?

The police, quite rightly, are required to investigate such serious allegations and they are required to interview you whilst under caution to protect your rights.

As part of the case, the disclosures of evidence / key elements will be declared to your legal representative and nothing produced in court should be a surprise so you will have ample chance to give your side - it will not just be your word against another as the criminal case needs to be proven beyond reasonable doubt.

I too wonder whether the age of 6 was a typo and am also sorry that you seem just as concerned about your benefits payments that your son's continued care.

The minor in question is my step-son. He is indeed 6, that is not a typo. We fear that he has been manipulated/told what to say, as generally he is a lovely boy without a bad bone in his body. This all goes back to his grandmother, who has signed all the police statements as his "guardian".

No evidence was put to me whilst being questioned, other than "we have been told you have done this......." and asked for my version of events. It was then that I was made aware that OH was implicated by son, son had said OH was in the room when I incited the son. However, OH has denied this. Who in their right mind would allow someone to incite their child - this is exactly what we both said to the police. If I had of done this, OH would have kicked me out of the house quicker than my feet could touch.

When he made the allegation, he was staying with his nan as it was the Easter holidays. We had a surprise visit from the police and thats when I was arrested. Nothing was said to us previously, we knew nothing about this.

RacyRed wrote: »

Who helped the child report the allegation?

I'm guessing that the child was packed off to relatives because you and he would not be allowed to live in the same house once the allegation was made. By doing this has OH has chosen not to make you homeless?

OH was given the choice by the police as to who the OH was going to stick by - OH chose me because OH knew that I havent done anything wrong. I have never been on my own with the son, we always do things together as a family, where-ever I am my OH is usually close behind.

puddy

please can you clarify the age of your child and whether it is your child or not? im not sure what you mean by kicked out.

you say that this is dreamt up by OHs family? have they said that teh child has made an allegation or did the child make an allegation to someone at school or similar?

if there is no truth in this, this will be evident as the child will be interviewed by police and social services but it depends on whether the child is being coached to say something.

should the child have been manipulated into saying these things by other family, then that is a child protection issue in itself and i would hope that some action is taken agains those people.

yes, ssd have to take the information at face value at first and i feel for you if this isnt true, i hope it gets sorted before any charges. as much as i work in favour of the child, i dont believe in peoples names being made public before being found guilty mud sticks as we all know

did your OH remove your child because she was asked to ensure that you were not in the home by SSD? normally the alleged perpetrator moves out, not the child

puddy

sorry i see that you have just clarifed some things

this is not the childs fault and i worry at the way you have spoken about him in your first post, however, yes the child and you would need to be separated whilst this investigation is ongoing. i hope for your sake that this is not true because your OH has just told everyone by her actions that she is willing to protect you over a child

EverythingsNotOK

meritaten wrote: »

The child is 6 years old! surely HE didnt march into a police station and press charges! He is being manipulated. AND HE IS THE ONE I FEEL MOST SORRY FOR! sorry to shout, but its how I feel. and it makes you look even more guilty hun, the fact that he has been packed off to OHs family may make it look as if your OH has sent him out of harms way! if these charges are malicious you played right into their hands!
If you didnt do this - then I do have a lot of sympathy for you. but right now I am feeling you arent concerened about the child and are angry at him. Get over it! Killing yourself wont solve anything you know............prove these are malicious charges and hold your head up!

You have provided some sensible advice, but its easier to read these things than to actually do them. I know I should be holding my head up, not letting them get to me, but their most recent solicitors letter is whats affecting me the most, claiming that me and son were constantly touching each other....... how can they get away with saying these things.

jetta_wales wrote: »

Please tell me 6 is a typo that should have been 16?

You can't kick out a 6 year old for being influenced by dreadful people and give him straight into the hands of those very people. At the very least it should be your folks he goes to.

Really hoping that was a typo because that's just ridiculous.

When I say "kicked out" that may have not been the right words.

Social services/police wouldnt let him come back, because OH chose to side with me, which actually spoke volumes to the police with regards to the investigation.

OH put all of son's belongings into bags, flat-packed his wardrobe, etc, and gave it all to the family. We have been given the impression by social services that he will never be returning to our care, and my OH has told the social that he isnt wanted back here. I know its hard for people to read and understand that, but he has torn this family apart (whether or not he understands what he is doing!) - how can we love him after all this has happened?

Put yourselves in this position. A member of your family makes an allegation against you. Would you ever love that person again, trust them?

kerrypn

I feel sorry for you OP, but IMHO you should have offered to move out whilst this is being investigated so the son could stay with his mother.

EDIT:Please tell me I read the above post wrong and you didnt just question how you could love him? He is just a six year old boy!!

Janepig

EverythingsNotOK wrote: »

OH was given the choice by the police as to who the OH was going to stick by - OH chose me because OH knew that I havent done anything wrong. I have never been on my own with the son, we always do things together as a family, where-ever I am my OH is usually close behind.

This is what I'm struggling with here. I know that it would have been the case that you wouldn't have been allowed to go back to the family home with this allegation hanging over you, but at some point you would be allowed to go back, either not having been charged, or ultimately found not guilty. Whether your OH thinks you did it or not, I cannot for the life of me understand her reasoning in letting her child go to live with the people that you both say have manipulated him in this situation.

Do you have somewhere else you can reside for the time being? So that your OH can have her child live back with her. This is going to have a massive effect on the child, who imo needs to be home with his mother. As much as I sympathise wholly with your situation if you are being accused of something so heinous out of spite, I don't think sending a six year old child away is the right thing for him, you, and particularly your partner to do. Not in any way.

Jxx

EverythingsNotOK

puddy wrote: »

sorry i see that you have just clarifed some things

this is not the childs fault and i worry at the way you have spoken about him in your first post, however, yes the child and you would need to be separated whilst this investigation is ongoing. i hope for your sake that this is not true because your OH has just told everyone by her actions that she is willing to protect you over a child

I loved him like he was my own, provided for him, fed him and clothed him. His real dad hasnt been interested and I thought I could connect with the boy because I never knew my real dad either. I wanted to give him the father-type relationship that I never had. I envy people that have their dad to call on, when they need help and advice, I have never had that. Yes sure I had a step-dad but it never was the same.

I even spoilt him at birthdays and Christmas. I wasnt trying to "buy" him, I just wanted him to be happy. And it showed as well, he constantly tells his teacher what his home life is like, that he loves me and my OH etc, cant wait to get home and see us and things like that.

Social services did a risk assessment on me and OH last year when they made their first false allegation. Subsequently, the social workers deemed us to be "No risk" and allowed son to come back to us, as they took him away whilst they investigated.

People say that it seems I feel that other things are now more important in my mind than the care of the son; I can honestly say this is true. My heart has been ripped out and I have told all the involved agencies that I am no longer having anything to do with him. And I would say yes, my current income is now more important than a child who has made me feel so upset and angry and OH feels the same - my OH cant believe that they are related to the son, my OH is mortified that son has done this to us, 6 years old or not.

Bettybigboobs

I am amazed at this story, i truely am. I couldn't imagine ever going through anything like this.
However, i really do have to question the mother. NOBODY would ever come between me and my child EVER. Whether you be innocent or not, i cant believe what i have just read above. He is 6 YEARS OLD, and if this is all fabricated lies, then why the hell are you acting as if the child is telling the truth by punishing him? You said yourself you are innocent, so surely you know the child is being made to say these things. Sorry but this is MAJOR FISHY!

Tiddlywinks

EverythingsNotOK wrote: »

When I say "kicked out" that may have not been the right words.

Social services/police wouldnt let him come back, because OH chose to side with me, which actually spoke volumes to the police with regards to the investigation.

OH put all of son's belongings into bags, flat-packed his wardrobe, etc, and gave it all to the family. We have been given the impression by social services that he will never be returning to our care, and my OH has told the social that he isnt wanted back here. I know its hard for people to read and understand that, but he has torn this family apart (whether or not he understands what he is doing!) - how can we love him after all this has happened?

Put yourselves in this position. A member of your family makes an allegation against you. Would you ever love that person again, trust them?

I hope this thread is a wind-up - we seem to have a lot of first timers recently with incredible stories.

If it's not a wind-up then the OP and partner are beginning to show their true colours. How the hell could a parent choose a new partner over their child - unbelievable.