Needing some advice..... Things not going well

jetta_wales

Poor kid. Jeez!

Stepping right out of this one!

Can only hope it's just another long yarn.

honeypop

EverythingsNotOK wrote: »

my OH has told the social that he isnt wanted back here. I know its hard for people to read and understand that, but he has torn this family apart (whether or not he understands what he is doing!) - how can we love him after all this has happened?

Put yourselves in this position. A member of your family makes an allegation against you. Would you ever love that person again, trust them?

He's 6 years old for goodness sake!! He probably doesn't have a clue what is really going on and completely under the influence of his grandparents, I very much doubt any 6 year old could be this malicious on their own and cannot believe you can feel like this about him.

Yes I know what he has alleged, but really - saying you can't ever love him again because of what he's (probably) being made to do by someone else at 6 YEARS OLD!!

peachyprice

puddy wrote: »

did your OH remove your child because she was asked to ensure that you were not in the home by SSD? normally the alleged perpetrator moves out, not the child

I wonder if the child had to be removed at the OH was implicated too? Perhaps it was a case of going to the OH's family or into care?

EverythingsNotOK wrote: »

It was then that I was made aware that OH was implicated by son, son had said OH was in the room when I incited the son. However, OH has denied this. Who in their right mind would allow someone to incite their child - this is exactly what we both said to the police.

Edit: Just seen OP has posted that this is the case.

RacyRed

Bettybigboobs wrote: »

Sorry but this is MAJOR FISHY!

Completely agree with this. There is something very, very wrong here. I'm out.

LadyMorticia

At first I thought that 6 was a typo, until I read all of the posts.

I highly doubt that a 6 year old knows what he is doing and I wouldn't be surprised if he is being manipulated. He's 6 years old, for crying out loud. He probably doesn't know what's going on.

I know that this is a horrible situation for you but your reply #16 is a little worrying - you questioning how you could love him after this. Young kids are very impressionable. I feel really sorry for him, to be honest.

tom9980

EverythingsNotOK wrote: »

I would say yes, my current income is now more important than a child who has made me feel so upset and angry and OH feels the same - my OH cant believe that they are related to the son, my OH is mortified that son has done this to us, 6 years old or not.

He is 6 years old. Thats all i need to say really. He will have no concept of what he has done at all. Blaming a 6 year old, sorry you lost me on this, make no mistake i expect you to get more abuse on this than the alleged abuse.

EverythingsNotOK

Janepig wrote: »

This is what I'm struggling with here. I know that it would have been the case that you wouldn't have been allowed to go back to the family home with this allegation hanging over you, but at some point you would be allowed to go back, either not having been charged, or ultimately found not guilty. Whether your OH thinks you did it or not, I cannot for the life of me understand her reasoning in letting her child go to live with the people that you both say have manipulated him in this situation.

Do you have somewhere else you can reside for the time being? So that your OH can have her child live back with her. This is going to have a massive effect on the child, who imo needs to be home with his mother. As much as I sympathise wholly with your situation if you are being accused of something so heinous out of spite, I don't think sending a six year old child away is the right thing for him, you, and particularly your partner to do. Not in any way.

Jxx

I can understand what you and others are saying; it is hard to comprehend why my OH chose me over the son. My OH chose me last time they made allegations, because again my OH was witness to what actually happened.

Our social worker has been very biased in this whole story, ever since she was allocated to us last year after the first allegation. She has always sided with OH's family rather than being independent. It was the social worker who took the son away last time, and its the same social worker who has "given her blessing" for the OH's family to go for a permanent residence order.
The social worker hasnt been to see us since October last year, but however she does go and visit OH's parents every other week to "catch up".

All I know for sure is that my OH is questioning her love for the son; OH is embarrassed about this whole incident and is just as lost at the moment as I am. She was given the choice by the police and OH chose me. Also, the police did say that I could not be bailed if I did not have an address to go to, so it also meant I was not held on remand whilst the investigation took place.

Thankyou to everyone for posting their perspectives on this - it has helped me alot to vent my anger out on the thread, rather than take it out on the people around me.

shegirl

EverythingsNotOK wrote: »

You have provided some sensible advice, but its easier to read these things than to actually do them. I know I should be holding my head up, not letting them get to me, but their most recent solicitors letter is whats affecting me the most, claiming that me and son were constantly touching each other....... how can they get away with saying these things.



When I say "kicked out" that may have not been the right words.

Social services/police wouldnt let him come back, because OH chose to side with me, which actually spoke volumes to the police with regards to the investigation.

OH put all of son's belongings into bags, flat-packed his wardrobe, etc, and gave it all to the family. We have been given the impression by social services that he will never be returning to our care, and my OH has told the social that he isnt wanted back here. I know its hard for people to read and understand that, but he has torn this family apart (whether or not he understands what he is doing!) - how can we love him after all this has happened?

Put yourselves in this position. A member of your family makes an allegation against you. Would you ever love that person again, trust them?

The 'mother' is a disgrace.

Along with that -the mother puts you first,doesn't want her 6 year old child anymore and according to you follows you around -you've never been alone with her child and you are always together...

You know what,I think I can see exactly WHY the child may have done what they've done and I wouldn't put it all down to family members.

There is only one person I feel for and he's 6 years old

kerrypn

He might not have even been made to say it. When my eldest was 2 he went to the barbers with grandad and he had a small bruise on his head(you know what 2 year olds are like) Barber said how did you do that? He said "daddy did it" I was mortified!!!! But luckily, everyone knows he is a very well cared for little boy and never hit in anyway, but just goes to show, sometimes kids come out with all sorts!

Feel sorry for OP for the accusations but feel sorry for the way you have treated your step son since. Now you are guilty of something-and something he will probably never forget. I imagine he feels very rejected now-and hasnt got the adult mind to rationalise it.

puddy

EverythingsNotOK wrote: »

because OH chose to side with me, which actually spoke volumes to the police with regards to the investigation.

im afraid it doesnt, you wouldnt believe the number of parents who will side with their parnter rather than protect their child