Husband has "thrown me out" and has children

puddy

izzybusy23 wrote: »

Sorry, but something doesn't ring right and no the story would not be any more credible if her husband was a refuse collector and her an avon lady... passports and clothes are the only things gone missing out of her car.. very odd. I agree he is being very heavy handed but I get a feeling he has a cause to be which the OP isn't revealing just yet.

on those issues you may have a point, its strange that the obviously valuable things were not taken but the bag containing passports were.

however, to state that things dont ring true, simply because of the OP's profession and her husbands ex profession is not valid for the reasons others have given above.

Person_one

Flyboy152 wrote: »

This was my initial thought as well.

Isn't strange, however, if the title of this thread was "Wife has "thrown me out" and has children," there would have been very different advice given on this thread

Not really, once it was established that the father is the main carer I think the advice has been pretty gender neutral.

puddy

i disagree, the automatic responses were that he cant possibly do that and go and grab the kids to prevent him having custody... why? either ask the facts or dont presume that one parent over the other has the right to dictate that the children stay with them. why would it have been ok for her to set the conditions but its not ok for him to set the conditions

confusedmumx

Well, have had a long talk on the phone with OH, who has now told me that not all the locks on the house have been changed, however two have been to allow the door to be deadlocked from the inside - he didn't explain why he though this was necessary, but has said that he will give me a copy of the keys and the new alarm code if I give him a verbal agreement that I will let him know prior to visiting the house.
He has also told me that his recent "erratic" behaviour is entirely because of the missing passport situation, and from the sound of it he still doesn't believe that they were stolen - he thinks that it's too much of a coincidence they were the only thing of value stolen from the car, I'm not quite sure why he is so worried as he's an intelligent man, and must realise that I pose a very low flight risk. Anyway, have arranged to go round tomorrow night for dinner with him and the girls and have suggested that in the meantime he contacts the police etc. to see if there is any further news about the property stolen from my car. I have spoken to the police today myself, and they seem sure that the only reason the bag containing the passports was the only thing to go missing was probably because the thief was disturbed and grabbed the nearest thing to run off with.

Person_one

puddy wrote: »

i disagree, the automatic responses were that he cant possibly do that and go and grab the kids to prevent him having custody... why? either ask the facts or dont presume that one parent over the other has the right to dictate that the children stay with them. why would it have been ok for her to set the conditions but its not ok for him to set the conditions

Its not ok for either parent to set conditions such as 'neutral place, supervised visits' but I think its fine for the parent who is at home with the kids every day and is their primary carer to say "The children are staying in their home and I am staying with them".

Person_one

The easiest way to assuage his fears about the passports is to apply for new ones and put them in a safe or with someone you both trust. Why din't you suggest that next time you see him and he might start to trust you a bit more?

Nicki

izzybusy23 wrote: »

Sorry, but something doesn't ring right and no the story would not be any more credible if her husband was a refuse collector and her an avon lady... passports and clothes are the only things gone missing out of her car.. very odd. I agree he is being very heavy handed but I get a feeling he has a cause to be which the OP isn't revealing just yet.

Nope. Thieves are opportunistic and take things quickly. I doubt they looked in the bag to see what it contained. I'd hazard a guess it was stolen by young people who didn't want the hassle of trying to sell a stolen satnav or laptop (which would only make a small amount and run the risk of getting caught fencing it) and they saw a nicely dressed middle aged (sorry OP!) lady get out of her car and took what they thought was her overnight bag in the hope it contained prescription drugs, which was what they wanted the money for.

I've had my nappy bag stolen twice and my handbag left alone, so I know from first hand experience that try don't always go for the obvious high value item.

puddy

Person_one wrote: »

Its not ok for either parent to set conditions such as 'neutral place, supervised visits' but I think its fine for the parent who is at home with the kids every day and is their primary carer to say "The children are staying in their home and I am staying with them".

i agree its not ok, but the advice (before finding that dad was main carer) from some on here and its not the first time ive seen it on these boards, was grab the kids from him. by doing that and making assumptions that one or other of the parents 'takes hold' of the kids, the person is setting conditions (not just about access)

and im sure you know that 'main caring' is not black and white, in many households both do the same amount of care, especially where both parents work for example so its not simply a case of the children staying with the 'main carer'

Nicki

OP there is no legal need to do this but you might be able to ease the tension if you agreed to lodge your own passport with a trusted third party. Then you wouldn't be able to abduct the children off the cuff if that's what he fears, and when you need to use it, he can be extra vigilant until you get back?

Person_one

puddy wrote: »

i agree its not ok, but the advice (before finding that dad was main carer) from some on here and its not the first time ive seen it on these boards, was grab the kids from him. by doing that and making assumptions that one or other of the parents 'takes hold' of the kids, the person is setting conditions (not just about access)

and im sure you know that 'main caring' is not black and white, in many households both do the same amount of care, especially where both parents work for example so its not simply a case of the children staying with the 'main carer'

In this household the dad stays at home while the mum is out of the house for 13 hours a day, seems pretty clear he's the main carer.

Think about the families you know, how many of them split childcare 50/50? It would be brilliant if more could but it just doesn't happen all that often, and usually its the mothers taking most of the responsibility, for a whole host of reasons I won't go into!