Husband has "thrown me out" and has children

pink_princess

Sounds like he is just very scared of losing his children right now and never seeing them again. Keep talking to him as much as possible to ease his worries. I can't imagine thinking that some one was going to snatch my children and take them abroad. I may react the same way he has.

You do need advice on this asap though. Your children need both of you. I hope things calm down for you and your children.

confusedmumx

pinkshoes wrote: »

TBH, the passport thing sounds VERY suspicious, and given it's quite common for the woman to just disappear with the kids, then I see why he might be suspicious. Why on earth did you keep them in the car?!?

The childrens passports were only in the car because they had been left at OH parents house when we returned from our last holiday abroad, and I collected the bags with them in when we went to visit at half term. To be honest it slipped my mind they were in there, or I would of removed them sooner, instead I forgot and they stayed in the car for an extra day until they were stolen :-(

I am sure that the passport thing is my husbands main issue, everything was amicable until they were stolen, and my husband seems particulary suspicious that other items of value (stereo, sat nav, laptop etc.) were left, but a bag with a few clothes and the passports was stolen. However, neither of us has any connections abroad, we are both British nationals, and neither of us has spent any time abroad other than normal holidays.

rachbc

As he is the childrens main carer it seems that their best interests would be served by remaining with their dad as an interim measure until custody is decided.

However - do you think their is any possibilty that he took/ arranged for the passports to be taken? Are you sure they have been cancelled? I may be paranoid and a little far fetched but I would be worried it was him who would be planning a bunk with the kids

confusedmumx

rachbc wrote: »

However - do you think their is any possibilty that he took/ arranged for the passports to be taken? Are you sure they have been cancelled? I may be paranoid and a little far fetched but I would be worried it was him who would be planning a bunk with the kids

This would be extremely unlikely, - OH wouldn't think I'd be stupid enough to leave them in the car(!), and I would normally drive straight home from work, on this occasion I had to drop in some paperwork to a pupils parents on the way home, and the car was broken into whilst I was parked on their estate (it's a known blackspot for car crime as I discovered afterwards).

peachyprice

Had you already decided to separate and he's just hurrying things along or is this turn of events a complete suprise?

clearingout

from what you're saying, you'd have an uphill battle in the courts to get residency of the children (except to say it does seem to be the mother who is favoured). He is their main carer and it's probably in their best interests to stay with dad for now. You may want to think about a shared care situation in the future? You have a very demanding job so will need to think about childcare arrangements if you were to go down this route.

I guess you can't blame him about the passports. But it does seem an over-reaction, particularly as you have no obvious foreign connections. Have you cancelled the passports? I am afraid the passport people do try and help but aren't really very helpful in the absence of court orders (been there, done that!) so trying to find out if they have been re-issued to your husband might be a struggle. Worth a try, however, for peace of mind. Don't assume he would never up and leave with the children - you are in the middle of a minefield now and sadly, things have a habit of going off when you least expect it causing maximum damage!

It's a long haul. Keep yourself calm - no court will separate children from their parents indefinately and you will be able to see them on a regular basis. He hasn't helped his case behaving in this way, particularly given his profession, but courts have a way of seeing things from both sides.

NAR

confusedmumx wrote: »

The childrens passports were only in the car because they had been left at OH parents house when we returned from our last holiday abroad, and I collected the bags with them in when we went to visit at half term. To be honest it slipped my mind they were in there, or I would of removed them sooner, instead I forgot and they stayed in the car for an extra day until they were stolen :-(

I am sure that the passport thing is my husbands main issue, everything was amicable until they were stolen, and my husband seems particulary suspicious that other items of value (stereo, sat nav, laptop etc.) were left, but a bag with a few clothes and the passports was stolen. However, neither of us has any connections abroad, we are both British nationals, and neither of us has spent any time abroad other than normal holidays.

In that case have either of you reported the passports stolen to the Passport Office? Surely if the Passport Office cancelled the passports then they cannot be used, thus alleviating the situation.

clearingout

either parent can apply for a passport, though. You don't need permission from the other parent or both signatures on an application. The 'safest' thing to do in this situation is to apply for new ones and agree to lodge them with a solicitor for the time-being.

puddy

there are two issues here, the children and the house.

with regard to the children, to be honest it sounds reasonable based on what you said that the children remain with him in the family home, just like you would expect if it was the other way round and you were their full time main carer, why would you expect that the children leave him. he has said that he will agree to unlimited access, although there are questions over why he wants it supervised and in a neutral area, does he have concerns about your behaviour in any way? i cant see a court agreeing to supervision if there are no concerns, you would probably have staying contact and unsupervised contact if there are no reasons for concern.

with regard to the house, he cannot simply pay you cash, as if you have a joint mortgage, you need to be taken off the mortgage which can only be done if he applies for a mortgage in his own name. he also cannot obviously lock you out of your own house, as until you are off the mortgage and deeds, the house is shared with you.

i also cannot believe the number of people advising you to be sneaky and go and get the children and keep them with you etc etc. if a man had done that, the posters on here would be up in arms about how he cant do that. why is it always different for women, there is no presumption about where children should remain and as more detail comes out, its clear that the dad here is the main carer, so why wouldnt the children remain with him?

Gloomendoom

cte1111 wrote: »

If the house is in joint names, then you have a legal right to enter the property.

podperson wrote: »

He has no legal right to keep you out of the property if it is in joint names...

RAS wrote: »

BY LAW, if your name is on the deeds or on the mortgage, you are entitled to a full set of keys and to live in the house; he cannot exclude you without a court order.

It doesn't matter who's name is on the deeds or mortgage. It is the matrimonial home and, unless prevented by a court order, she is entitled to occupy it regardless.
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