Husband has "thrown me out" and has children

Indout96

I am astonished. Please seek legal advice now. Its not a normal occurence

True - its normally the bloke out on his ear no matter who was to blame.

elvis86

I'm not taking sides or particularly expressing an opinion on this scenario (though, if there are no mitigating circumstances that the OP has failed to mention, it seems that her OH is suddenly being unneccesarily heavy-handed when they are mutually agreed that their marriage has broken down and this has occurred fairly amicably), but generally, why would this:

podperson wrote: »

He has no legal right to keep you out of the property if it is in joint names and no legal right to decide who has custody of the children. If you went and picked up them up and kept them with you there would be nothing he could do about it until the matter went to court. Sounds like he is being very calculating about this so would agree with above posters about getting some legal advice as soon as possible.

be any different to what the OP's OH has done?

Why should one parent (usually the mother) have the "right" to assume custody of the children by default until things are formalised, but not the other? And why should a father be vilified for doing the exact same thing?

I'm no Fathers4Justice campaigner, in fact I'm probably as prone as everyone else to have the same gut reaction. But it's interesting, and says a lot about how much our society values father's roles in their kids' lives, and how we somehow afford them less rights than mothers. All this, despite the progessive steps with regards to division of labour in the home/paternity leave/shared maternity leave etc.

confusedmumx

Thankyou all for your advice - I have spoken to my solicitor and arranged an appointment for this evening, he seems willing to help, but warned me that as my husband is a retired barrister things are likely to become drawn out and expensive!
Incidentally, although my husband has changed the locks, and alarm codes he has told me that I am welcome to come to the house and he will allow me access.

RAS

BY LAW, if your name is on the deeds or on the mortgage, you are entitled to a full set of keys and to live in the house; he cannot exclude you without a court order. Sounds like he is going to claim that you are a flight risk; well if so, he can get a prohibitive steps order to prevent you removing the children form the country and allow you access to the house and children. Since he is a barrister he knows this. I suggest you get one immediately to get back in the house.

clearingout

try https://www.wikivorce.com where the advice and support is specialised in separation and divorce. It is good you have a solicitor's appointment. If he's a barrister, he knows that the lock changing is unacceptable and that there are measures you can take legally to get back in.

Who usually cares for the children? They are still quite young and certainly not young enough to be able to make their own decisions about where they want to live/who they want to live with. If it's you picking them up, dropping them off, making tea, doing homework, washing etc. etc. etc. then the courts generally like to preserve the 'status quo' for the children unless there is evidence otherwise that you are somehow a risk to the children. You may want to ask your solicitor about the likelihood of an Occupation Order in your favour to get him out of the marital home if you want to be the main carer for the children. If it is your husband who has been the main carer, you are on shakier ground and I would be careful taking the 'just go and get them advice'. as someone points out, it doesn't make you any better than him in these circumstances and the likelihood is that a court would return them to teh family home if there is no evidence that there's a problem there. Is there room for all of you at your parent's house, out of interest?

Any history of physical or emotional abuse? Is he very controlling? You might want to check bank accounts today - he may well be freezing anything which is joint and/or emptying any joint savings.

When relationships breakdown, the first thing people feel is scared...and so they react in ways that perhaps they would't normally. He will fear the loss of his children, that would be entirely normal but his actions to try and 'secure' them are extreme which is worrying. As someone who has been through this (not at quite as extreme, but not far from it), am sending you a big hug and my thoughts. Please PM me if you need to off-load or want to chat. Take care and keep calm.

RAS

True

OP - do you have a personal account that your OH cannot access? Make sure your salary is paid in there. Check whethert he has cleared any joint accounts, or put stops on to prevent you accessing money, NOW.

pinkshoes

If your name is on the house deeds, then you are legally allowed to enter. If he's change the locks, just get a lock smith or break in - if he called the police, he'd be laughed at!

TBH, the passport thing sounds VERY suspicious, and given it's quite common for the woman to just disappear with the kids, then I see why he might be suspicious. Why on earth did you keep them in the car?!?

If I were you, I'd just go home, break in if you need to, and stay put. I'd even go as far as sleeping in the usual bed. Tell him you are NOT moving out, you are NOT giving up custody of the kids, and you want to work on the marriage instead.

confusedmumx

clearingout wrote: »

Who usually cares for the children?

My Husband is and always has been the childrens main carer, he retired when our first was born. I feel awful in some ways, but I am a headteacher at a large secondary school 50 miles away, and so am normally out of the house from 07:00 till 20:00 Monday - Friday. Husband walks the girls to school, picks them up, takes them to clubs, activities etc.

clearingout wrote: »

You may want to ask your solicitor about the likelihood of an Occupation Order in your favour to get him out of the marital home if you want to be the main carer for the children.

Although I'd love to be the childrens main carer, I never have been, and my husband has done a great job so far - I feel it would be unfair on them to try and change this situation now.

clearingout wrote: »

Is there room for all of you at your parent's house, out of interest?

There is room for all of us at my parents house, and I also own another house big enough for me and the girls to live in.

clearingout wrote: »

Any history of physical or emotional abuse?

Absolutely none.

clearingout wrote: »

Is he very controlling? You might want to check bank accounts today - he may well be freezing anything which is joint and/or emptying any joint savings.

He's always been "in charge" of our domestic arrangements (childcare, hiring/firing staff, interaction with the girls school etc.) I've always been in charge of money/finances, a lot of our savings are in my husbands name, but I own our second property outright in my name. Our only joint finances are the mortgage, and a current account with about £10K in it, however this is funded by both of us, and is only to pay regular bills etc.

clearingout wrote: »

As someone who has been through this (not at quite as extreme, but not far from it), am sending you a big hug and my thoughts. Please PM me if you need to off-load or want to chat. Take care and keep calm.

Thankyou :-)

one2escape

I dont think we still have the full picture if he is knows he would get the kids if it went to court.

Just seen above and answers it

sueeve

If irt is the lost passports which are really causing this surely he would contact the passport office to indicate problem re suspicion that children may be taken from the country. Are they British passports?