MONEY MORAL DILEMMA: Would you lend to a friend in need?

Labman_2

Brother met & married an American woman here in th UK. A while later they moved with his son from a previous marriage to America. Eight months later & £18,000 poorer he phones me as he's no money left & wants to come home. Sent him £2k. This was 3 years ago....he's now got his own business here, I'm now unemployed & guess what, he doesn't want to know. I'm not bitter in the least, just disappointed that when the boots on the other foot he can just ignore me/my situation.

mycar37

trippy wrote:

Yes I would. That's what friends are for and it would be nice to be in a position to be able to help someone really in need. It's a no-brainer for me. Do you want £10k or no friends?

Have you done this before? There is an old saying "To your friend your money lend - lose your money and your friend. Happened to me twice before I wised up.

stressed_mum_5

No - I lent a friend £400 two years ago when they were in dire straits. they agreed to repay me a few pounds a week so far had £20 back. Just asked friend a couple of weeks ago to repay and haven't heard anything from them since!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Woodyrocks

Wading into this a bit late but just wanted to add my thoughts on this. As mentioned already I think it is nothing short of a disaster plan lending money to a friend (or family). I feel i can say this having been in the position myself.

I never used to be a lender and when i had a 'friend' ask to borrow some money from me, I had no problem saying no. I was 20. Had a new born baby and had just moved into a new flat the very same day. i was sure she would understand my refusal. I later found after she left that she had also taken the amount asked for out of my purse.

I decided the next time I was asked that I would oblige the friend. I lent a £1000 and got paid £495 back within a couple of weeks and then nothing followed. As the friend did lots of DIY around my house I consoled myself that i had simply paid for his service and wasn't actually owed any money by him lol

But the last time, and I mean the last time, really taught me all I needed to learn about how much of a bad idea this is. A friend, one i imagined knowing well into my old age and one I treasured, was loaned £1500 by myself in Jan 2005. It took until Summer 2006 for her to mention any plans to repay it and then nothing more. i should mention that she disappeared from my life during this entire period. She took my bank details on the promise of making small repayments but still nothing. I ended up turning around a few months later telling her i didn't want repaying but i felt so 'done in' by her that I could no longer view her as a friend but if the truth be told, we stopped being friends from the day she became in debt to me.

Apologies for the long post, but experience speaks volumes and i just had to share mine. With Family, I only ever give money and would never lend. My brother has just passed his driving test and it was a pleasure to give him £500 towards his first car.

Print_Screen

I would also be very wary of lending money following my experience with a friend.

A few friends and I went out for a meal on a few occasions. On 2 of these occasions one of my friends didn't have enough money to pay. I lent him enough to pay once, and one of my other friends paid for him the other time to pay. Not a large amount but we were promised to be paid back.

We heard nothing from my friend regarding the debt and had both written it off. But a few weeks later this friend offered to "treat us" and that out of the goodness of his own heart he would take me friend who had lent him money and myself out for a meal, completely pretended that he actually owed us this money.

But to add insult to injury he also paid for only one meal for the both of us, effectively repaying only half his debt.

If my friend had just said he could not afford to pay use back, I would have accepted it and that would have been the end of the matter.

But to pretend that he was actually "treating" me and to think that I'm such a fool that I would believe him or not realise that he is only paying back half his debt, shows that he has absolutely no respect for me.

Because of this I will never lend him anything again.

goldcard

Lawnmower_Man wrote: »

I have experince of lending far smaller amounts than this (up to £1000) and even when friends came into money I am still awaiting payback despite numerous reminders.

I totally agree with Lawnmower Man. I'm in the same position, having lent money to friends and never getting it back. One 'friend' I lent £5k to for "a few weeks until his re-mortgage came through" still owes it to me 4 years later.

People who say you should lend it because it's a choice of having friends or money should realise that you are probably going to lose both if you don't say no!

Miss_H

I would say no. Purely for the amount of money she is asking for. It really comes down to how much of a friend you are and how much you can afford to loose should the friend not pay you back.

I loaned two of my close friends £3k about 18 months ago to finish the renovations on their house as they were desperate to move. I saw where every penny of the money went on carpets, plastering, tidying up gardens etc and had no worries about it being mis-spent. I loaned it on the understanding that when they sold the house I would get it back then. I did worry for a long time if I would get it back and how that would affect our friendship. I am happy to say that they have sold and I should (all being well) get my money back next month.

So it can work...sometimes.

DJ1UK

Spam Reported.

Lulabell_2

I lent money to a friend a few years ago, she paid me regularly every month until about half way through we had a disagreement & I never saw another penny. Once bitten twice shy so I definately say no!

stogiebear

In this scenario there are two life long friends who have been through 'thick and thin' together. One has 'squirreled' away her stash and the other has kicked the leaves and is now in trouble...If the friend has now come begging from you it's time for a white lie that can't be refuted...

Here's my reply...

"Oh my God... I wish you had asked me about this two weeks ago. I would have happily given you the money. But now I've just gone and tied up ALL my money in a tax free long term gilt bond"

(Whatever the hell one of those is I don't know!)

The result is that you have shown willing to help out a friend but you absolutely can't. Your friend can't actually prove that you are full of poo poo!

Problem solved...