MONEY MORAL DILEMMA: Would you lend to a friend in need?

tristar_3

I have been in this situation twice now, and on both occaisions felt obligated to help the first time was to a very close freind, I ended up losing £8000 and a very dear freind, I thought then "never again" but I did, and this time I lost £1500 and a 30 year freindship, I wish now I had not bothered and never will again

Mrs_Optimist

No I would not. Never a lender nor a borrower be. By lending £10K I would be helping my friend get into even further debt.

Chrysalis

yes if I had the cash, and if them paying me back put them back in hardship I would write the debt off.

paranoidandroid

I believe the issue here is in the definition of a friend.
A true and noble friend will remain in touch and pay the debt.
I once lent to a supposedly hard up "friend", who pleaded with me, desperate to pay mounting bills. I could afford it at the time, but since then received sporadic payments whilst the subject enjoyed meals out, sporting days etc.. Nowadays I could do with the remainder of the cash, but do I see or hear from them? I wouldn't mind so much if they said they cannot pay it back, but I have to face the fact that I'm being quietly forgotton and that's what annoys me. If I owed anyone anything I wouldn't be content with myself 'till I had discharged the debt.
Never a borrower nor a lender be! But if the latter then at least you will find the true nature of the friendship.
So for me the answer is no as I can no longer afford to!

Snazbaz

No, I wouldn't lend the money. The friend shouldn't put you in a bad position by asking for a loan, and you shouldn't make the friend feel under an obligation to you by offering. Offer advice instead and don't rob someone of the opportunity to learn from their own mistakes.

margaretfeb

Jane and her friend seem to be more like sisters.
If it was Jane's sister instead of her friend, would it make a difference to the reply? I would feel very guilty if I left my sister without a home.

Alan_Mason

This is always a tricky one. However, in my view there is one golden rule. Unless you are prepared to lose the money, you must secure the loan against the house (assuming there is equity). This is because it is highly likely that the sum asked for £10k, will be insufficient, and once you are in, well!!

So decision is easy, if you want your money back secure the debt or do not lend. If you are willing to effectively make it a gift, do so.

What price friendship?

Good luck.

Alan

mrswacka

myself and my husband have just (last thursday) actually been evicted from our house as we couldnt afford the mortgage and were 5k in arrears. There is no way I would have borrowed money from friends or family to help us out. It is obvious that when it gets to the stage of being repossessed, the last thing you need is to borrow more money! (thankfully we dont have any credit cards or overdrafts so the mortgage arrears are the only debt we have) A true friend would offer advice and support - money wouldnt help, its a downward spiral that quickly gets out of control.

seven-day-weekend

We have friends (in Spain) who are downsizing and moving to a different part of Spain because they have run out of money. They cannot afford to go to the other part of Spain to look at houses until they have sold their house. My husband wanted to lend them £500 until they had sold their house. I said no. I felt that we would never get it back and it would spoil the friendship as we can't afford to lose it. (If we could we would give it to them rather than lend it). Also our £500 would be a drop in the ocean.

Rightly or wrongly, that was how I felt and after discussion, we have not lent them the money.

The reason they have run out of money is because they did not plan properly in the first place. They are not the sort of people who will listen to any advice; they will just see it as critiscism by someone 'luckier' than them. Therefore I think all we can do is listen to them and try to sympathise and understand. However, we intend to visit the area they want to go to in the near future and if we do we will offer them free transport and help them out that way. I feel that is a better way to help them than lending them money.

Nicki24

I wouldnt lend the money, atleast not initially. I truly believe that if you throw money at this person you are in effect helping them to push the self destruct button and in turn your friendship will be ruined anyway. The best thing to do is sit down with them and help them assess where its all gone wrong, offer them advice, take time to go along with them to citizens advice or debt counsellors and be there to help them to help themselves out of this. The only way someone who is notoriously rubbish with money is going to learn is unfortunately the hard way. If you dont burn your fingers you will never learn not to put them in the fire.....There is always a way out of every situation, it might not always be the preferred way out but its a way out regardless, if it means this person having to sell their house, pay off their debts and start again, so be it.......as a friend you would be there to help them every step of the way as they pick up the pieces and start afresh. I feel time spent helping your friends in this situation is more valuable than any amount of money you can throw at them.