MONEY MORAL DILEMMA: Would you lend to a friend in need?

This week's Money Moral Dilemma

Jane's best friend since childhood has always been terrible with cash; and now she's got into serious debt and is in danger of losing her home. She's asked Jane for a loan of £10,000; money she can afford to lend without a problem, but can't afford to lose. They've always been through thick and thin together and supported each other in everything. Should Jane lend the cash?

Click reply to enter the money moral maze

Please remember, be polite to other MoneySavers, even if you disagree with them
Also read last week's MMD: Would you take the job?

PS. And just to confirm this is an entirely hypothetical situation. Each week in the email I will be asking those questions. And yes, the lack of detail, the phrasing, all of it is deliberate to envoke debate (nice debate too). Enjoy the money moral maze.



  • trippy
    trippy Posts: 539 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Yes I would. That's what friends are for and it would be nice to be in a position to be able to help someone really in need. It's a no-brainer for me. Do you want £10k or no friends?
  • Gabriel-Ernest
    I would, but only on condition that we address the 'bad with money' habit that got her into the mess in the first place.
    Touch my food ... Feel my fork!
  • Alechjo
    Alechjo Posts: 62 Forumite
    I agree that you have to help your best friends, but since it is mentioned that she was always terrible with cash, it is worth trying to have some degree of control, let her understand that it is serious, and offer some help with financial matters. Especially convincing when you are a moneysaver and lending 10k! Do it right and you can help your friend not only in this emergency situation, but long-term as well.
  • RenStar
    RenStar Posts: 217 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    I'm sorry I'm going to have to be a bit mean here and say no, she shouldn't. I truely believe that you should never lend out more than you can afford to lose and it states clearly that Jane cannot afford to lose the 10K. If Jane's friend is terrible with money then Jane should offer her to help to address this before even considering lending her money. Whilst I agree losing your home can be traumatic, it's not life or death (in which case I would willingly give the money as a gift) but perhaps Janes' friend needs a little bit of a wake up call to sort out the mess that's got her in this situation in the first place.

    I've recently had a real life dilema almost identical to this and it was an agonising decision to say no. I'll admit the friendship isn't probably as close as it was before but they did manage to sort themselves out for the better long term without my loan and I beleive they're a much better person for it. I personally think the sacrifice was worth making, but everyone is different.

    Just my two pennies worth....

  • hotchokl8
    hotchokl8 Posts: 111 Forumite
    No, i don't think she should. At the end of the day her best friend is in this situation through debts she can't afford to pay, what's to say she will pay her best friend back? If the money was for a worthy cause, eg for medical care then i agree the money should be lent, THAT'S what friends are for.
    Friends are not a solution to your own debt problems. It is your own responsibilty to manage your finances and keep above board.

    If someone has £10,000 saved up it reflects on them as a person- maybe Jane managed to save up because she opted for the nights in front of the tele rather thatn goin out on the town, or buyin those sexy boots once they were up at sale price-rather than blowing the goods on stuff they can't afford and buying on credit. Jane should refer her friend to a trustworthy financial advisor, or a professional in the field who can help her with her financial problems.

    After all, if you're friend committed a crime, would you serve their prison sentence for them?....
    Everything in life is a paradox. The more you want approval, the more you become a person that other people don't want to approve of, the less you care about whether you get approval, the more you get.:A
  • beccolina
    Consider this: when things go horribly wrong you are more likely to lose the friednship than by saying no.

    saying no does not mean you cannot sit down together and look at other options and see if you can help her get a loan elsewhere, snowball credit cards, remortgage and other appropriate solutions.

  • Lawnmower_Man
    The money should not be loaned to her friend. Odds, in my opinion are more likely that she will ever get it back which would put the friendship under greater strain than a blank refusal.

    I have experince of lending far smaller amounts than this (up to £1000) and even when friends came into money I am still awaiting payback despite numerous reminders.

    Brother also loaned money to best mate when he moved abroad. Is now settled and financially stable but not a dickie bird from him in communication let alone repayment of borrowed monies.

    Some friends, whether they realise it, seem to take for granted the monies earned through your own hard work, as a source of income to them.

    Mum has loaned to her own brother, without a seconds delay, but he never fufils his promise of repayment, and she really cannot afford it.

    The friend in trouble in this tale shouldn't even put her best friend on the spot for asking for loan.


    Lawnmower Man
  • Psykicpup
    Psykicpup Posts: 1,398 Forumite
    Photogenic First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    No I wouldn't lend her the money but I would try to help in other ways maybe free babysitting so extra hours can be worked that sort of thing & I would definately send her here!
    I THINK is a whole sentence, not a replacement for I Know

    Supermarket Rebel No 19:T
  • sjc_2
    sjc_2 Posts: 685 Forumite
    I wouldn't lend her the 10K in one hit, I would want to sit down review the situation in detail, incomings V outgoings see where the immediate problems were and address them. Work out a budget and control it with her.

    I would make sure she didn't lose the house, but I wouldn't want to give her 10K in one hit, her to blow it and be in the same situation in X months.

    I would also be looking at including a repayment plan to me for the loan as part of the budget so you can see the money coming back in.
  • francmarie
    I wouldn't lend it.
    I would give it - as much as I could afford and live without.
    If I had money and a friend needed it I would give it to them.
    I know from past experience when I was a student many years ago, that when anyone lends money they keep waiting for it to be repaid. This causes tension in the friendship and puts pressure on someone who is already in a difficult situation.
    If you give it as a gift and tell the person there is no need to return it - ask them to do the same if they are ever in a position to help someone else. If this doesn't feel comfortable, you shouldn't even think of lending it. You aren't up to coping with the loss of the money and you will destroy your friendship with the negative feelings you have. Why not give them some of the money and let them try and borrow the rest elsewhere?
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