MONEY MORAL DILEMMA: Would you lend to a friend in need?

steves_girl

I was the friend about to loose my house etc - I didn't ask my friends for money but they did offer to help me - I declined. I couldnt afford the debts I had, how could I afford to pay back friends? I lost my house (and marriage into the bargin) but the possitive side is that the equity paid off the debts, I'm renting (as cheaply as possible) a flat. I STILL have my wonderful friends and a lovely new man in my life - I may be cash poor but I'm rich in friendships and I wouldnt swap that for the world.

cher_john

£10,000 is a lot and if you can not afford to lose it it should not be lent as there is a chance it may never be got back. However I have a mate who has been very unwell off over the last year and have bought things for them and their kids whenever I could afford it as I would rather help out with the necessities and not want anything back for it.

I have also tried to work through the finances with her offering advice and directing to this website on a few occasions. If I had £10,000 and could afford to lose it then I would definitely give it to her!

Ashlea21

The only answer has to be no. I have just finished a bankruptcy order that was all started frommlending a friend some money when she was about to 'lose' her house. The problem was after the first loan she needed a bit more to help her that would apparently definatley lead to me getting my money back. She abused my friendship to the point that I was taking out loans for her and maxing my credit cards until I was the one needing money. The step I step I took was to evaluate my mess and deal with it. She has caused me some many sleepness nights and now she won't need take my phone calls !! I have learnt friends are there to gibe guidance not to be become the mobile bank for their problems!!

Primrose

No I wouldn't loan the money. Long term it would probably only damage the friendship. Loaning money to somebody who is reckless with their finances is merely condoning their habits and encouraging them to avoid confronting the problem, rather than sort it out. The more you support them financially, the more they think they can continue in the same reckless fashion. Encourage her to seek debt counselling and help her understand how to budget but lend her money you can't afford to lose, definitely NOT.

Shytalker

My own experience is that the nature of friendship tends to change when money comes into the picture. I was daft enough to lend a close friend a large chunk of money towards his new business when I was in a position to do this. He also borrowed most of his dad's redundancy money. After a couple of years, when the job went belly-up, he took a normal job with a steady income but made no attempt to pay either of us back. Then he bought an expensive and fancy car. Then, when I was short of money for my father's funeral, I could not prise so much as a bean out of him. I was told that he could not pay me anything until he had cleared his dept to his own father. In other words, never. And that was from someone whom I was best man to at his wedding.

Moral of the story is to not be a fool to yourself. "Neither a lender nor a borrower be". The @&^%$£ has now moved to a new life in Canada, away from all his other debts.

beer_scooter

Lending money to a friend can be viewed in 2 ways, and they depend on the what the money is going to be used for. If there is a specific (and usually short-term) need for capital and you can trust the recipient to carry out the agreed repayment plan, then it could be considered.
In the case put forward here, the money is needed because someone is already in debt, apparently due to the mismanagement of their finances. Lending under these circumstances will almost certainly lead to the borrower failing to repay, either on time or at all. They can't afford it. The friendship is doomed.
A more helpful form of help in these circumstances would be to encourage them to get help from the experts at negotiating their way back to solvency. The usual "suspects" for this are the Consumer Credit Counselling Service (CCCS) or the Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB).
Keep your money and let the friendship blossom!

boblevin

No. The likelihood is that although this may be a short term fix for her friend, she will quickly fall into debt again. The chances of her repaying the loan are extremely low. It is also likely that at some point her friend will be declared bankrupt (probably by her own application), which in her friends mind will validate her not having to repay the loan.

Lulu_2

No, I would not lend to anyone with a bad track record because you could never be sure it would be used for the purpose it was to be loaned for. Furthermore unless you consulted a solicitor and had a formal loan agreement drawn up you would probably never get it back.

StavRoss_4

No way should she lend the money. Far better to lend moral support and help her friend to address the root problem that has got her into the mess in the first place. Once the problem (bad financial habit) is accepted and a debt reduction/repayment program in place - she'll be far better off and unlikely to get herself in the same mess in future. Education - that's the key, shame they don't teach "how to handle money" in schools from an early age.:p

Ebenezer_Screwj

I would refer the irresponsible friend to The Chancellor of The Exchequer - he's got most of my money and I'm hanging on to what's left. The ruling authorities are now the self-appointed controllers of our lives, if charity is dying it's their fault.