MONEY MORAL DILEMMA: Would you lend to a friend in need?

Chuffy

I work with a debt worker and he sees many many clients like Jane who've taken out arrangements like this and the arrangement to repay has fallen through.
People like Jane often end up being sucked into the debt cycle along with her friend.
Jane just becomes another creditor to add to the bankruptcy - she could put a charge on her mates house though... How's that for trusting?

sheenaf

Been there, done that, lost the friends. Unable or unwilling to pay back they avoid you and are totally embarrassed if you meet up at a mutual friends. If like Jane's friend they have always mismanaged money you would only be feeding their habit, like giving drink to an alcoholic. Much better to give advice and practical help. If the house has to go then help her find another that she can afford and so on. Totally different if some financial disaster strikes a normally thrifty person (like the Farepak folk or someone made unexpectedly redundant) - then a true friend will give (not lend) as much as they can. I have twice managed to give money anonomously in such situations. Result? my friends got the cash, I got the satisfaction of seeing them out of their difficulty and shared their joy at the unexpected windfall, someone else got the credit (so what -its just like Santa) but most important I kept my friends without any feeling of being beholden to mar the friendship.

everythingblogcast

I would not lend the money as you hear too many storiess about friend not payin the money back.

mademoiselle_2

I think that the initial reply should be "no", because this person really needs to ascertain exactly what kind of 'friendship' this is, before entertaining the idea of lending money.

The length of time they have been friends is immaterial - we can ignore the obvious in friendships, to avoid hard truths.

Like a couple of the other posters, this 'dilemma' is ringing familiar bells for me. I too had a friend of many years standing, always terrible with money etc. It became a habit for me to pay for meals and trips out because she was always 'short'... and to do the driving, to run errands, to buy bits of her shopping, to loan her goods that were never returned. I couldn't tell you where the line was crossed exactly...but somewhere, along the way, my baling her out became less of a favour and more of an expectation on her part. She was so confident that I would always bale her out, she would turn out to events like 'dinner and the movies', with no cash on her!

Despite being 'too poor' to repay small debts, she took herself off on two holidays this year - one to Spain, one to the Caribbean. I was left to see to her cats - she being 'too poor' to put them in a cattery. Of course she left scant food, litter, or other supplies; the daily 12 mile round trip I had to do, to see to them, was overlooked too. I estimate it cost me about £100, all round, in cash; and hours of my time.

When she told me a few weeks later that she would be called away on business and that I would 'need' to look after her cats twice a week for three months, I said "no". I didn't say it nastily; I sought out details of cat sitting services for her, I made alternative suggestions. But she broke the friendship there and then - leaving me with the feeling that I had been used, and quite possibly appreciated less as a friend and more as someone who was a soft touch.

Lending money and friendships don't mix.

dogsbreath

No, definitely not. I have done it twice, a few thousand and a few hundred. I never got the money back. If you really must do it get it written up by a solicitor.

Fran

I seem to have stumbled into a better off thread by mistake! I thought it was going to be "would you lend your friend £50?" :rotfl:

Mics_chick

The answer is a no-brainer to me - a straight NO if she can't afford to lose it then she shouldn't lend it, especially in this case because I would see it going down the black hole along with the rest and it's alot of money to lose. A few hundred maybe £10,000 definitely not!

Mics_chick

If she agreed to go to CAB and get an IVA or other solution in place then maybe - but that's a big maybe...!

Mics_chick

I've not gone mad - the same post been added 3 times so I've editted 2 so I'm not repeating repeating myself!

nearlyrich

I have never been in the position of having a spare £10000 so this exact situation has never happened to me but I have bailed friends out for lesser amounts. I have had all the money I have lent paid back without any problems, part of the discussion was making a realistic plan to pay it back.

There is a saying that if you lend money to a friend and you never see either again they did you a favour, mind you £10000 is a lot to lose for most of us.