Family members wanting control over you

nearlyrich

When my mum was alive she knew what everyone was up to in terms of holidays etc I am in contact with my siblings on a regular basis and I usually know who is going where and when, we all have each other's mobiles and to be fair most of us have grown up children so if we couldn't get hold of one of the siblings we would have ways of checking they were OK. I usually tell my children stepchildren and siblings if we are going away but I wouldn't be hysterical if one of them didn't tell me they were going away.

ailuro2

next time why not give her just enough information to suggest you're going on a "swinging" holiday, or are going on a tour of "dogging" spots. :eek: Or maybe visiting a fetish club during a trip over the channel ( don't even know if they have them there, lol!)

That way she'll know you're away, and you'd come back to some wonderful gossip!

geri1965_2

Nutz666 wrote: »

WHY should the OP at 50yrs old tell anyone that they are going away?

To stop what happened from happening.

January20

geri1965 wrote: »

To stop what happened from happening.

But that is playing the game that the father and sister want to play. These people have to get used to the fact that the OP and is wife are adults with their own lives and their own wills, and if they want to go on holidays and not tell anybody then so be it!

They were away for only a few days -did the Op say 5 days? - so really I think the father and sister had no business being so "worried". More like they knew that something was happening that they hadn't been told about and because they are used to knowing the ins and out of the OP and his wife's lives they were miffed!

And anyway, it was a surprise trip for the OP's wife, so it may be that the father and/or sister may not have been able to keep quiet about it, had they known in advance! Especially since the sister doesn't seem to be a very nice person from what the OP is saying.

The OP, for his sake, has to draw a line in the sand and tell his relatives to mind their own business! He is not a child anymore. He doesn't need permission!

mountainofdebt

When we go away, I always give my mum contact details of where we are and details of flights etc.

Not that we live in each other's pockets but when I was younger my father's family didn't want to know details and had to contact my aunt (my mum's sister) when my paternal grandfather died unexpectedly whilst we were on holiday.

Whilst I appreciate this was in the days before mobile phones but my OH refuses to take his mobile phone on holiday (as its also his work phone) and this could have had similar consequences when his dad was seriously ill when we were away.

andygb

About ten years ago, we went on a two week holiday to France, and we let everyone know before we went. Before we went, my late mum asked us to let them know when we had arrived "safely". I simply replied, that I would see what I could do, as I knew it would be a long journey with a few stops. Anyway, for around three days, we could not get to a phone (didn't work, engaged, no dial tone for England), and when we did phone, the predictable response from my family, just ruined our holiday.
When they had not heard from us for two days, they assumed that something had happened to us. My sister telephoned my brother in law, and told him that we were having marital problems (completely wrong), and she thought that something tragic had happened. She also contacted the police (who were understandably not interested, which wound her up more).
I voiced my opinions at the time, and basically told them that they were behaving like lunatics, and that a holiday is a break - from everyone!
This is why I did not tell them this time, because I cannot be bothered to "phone home" when on holiday, and if people expect me to do that, then I will simply go off for a few days without telling them.

balletshoes

sorry if I'm getting the wrong end of the stick here, but as you've already decided that you are right in not telling your relatives when you go away on holiday (and thats fine, you are of course entitled to do that), what did you post on the forum for?

burnoutbabe

if the OP couldn't get hold of your 70/80 year old father for 5 days (and no one else could), would you not be at all worried or try and investigate it?

Savvy_Sue

There's a simple response to the "let us know when you arrive" thing.

"No." You can soften it with "No, I'm sorry but I don't think we'll be able to do that", or "No, but I'd assume that no news is good news".

poet123

I think it depends on what kind of relationships you have with your family. We always let them know when we are away, and we call the kids to let them know we have arrived, and several times during our stay. They do the same when they are away.

Today our land-line is off and likely to be so for several days, so we have called/texted those who may try to use it and let them know there is a problem. It doesn't feel like we are being controlled, it seems normal to us.

However, if it is not the norm for you, tell them now that it doesn't suit you to have to account for your movements and don't do it. Simple.