Family members wanting control over you

skintbutsolvent

Oh dear, it seems to be a week of family butting in where they are not wanted on here!

You are entitled to go away and it is none of your familys business. I would tell them you just needed some time away and decided to go before they found out and could criticise!

lostinrates

We tell our immeadiate family...parents etc..when we are going away. Even DH's who are in america. The reason is not because they think we'd be worried but more to make plans in case of family emergency. e.g. we're off to Italay for two nights soon. My dad knows because he is house/pet sitting, my clients know, one of them is horse sitting. DH's family now incase one of them gets ill/has a trauma and wants him.

This is generally respected as ''busy time'' and no one frets if...for example, we don't respond to a phone call in the middle of what would be night at home...a call to tell us about a hospital admission, another family member's crisis we might be able to help with or whatever.

If people call during the week or ut of routine its generally a change in routine, which means joy or disaster, but either way, more excitability. Its good to stop emotions escalating and the imagination going wild before it can start!

LittleMissAspie

I wouldn't worry if my parents didn't answer the phone for a week, I'd just assume they were out or busy whenever I phoned. I'd be annoyed that my mum hadn't rung back as I know she always checks her missed calls, but I don't think it would occur to me that something might be wrong. They'd phone me if it was. Other family members are always going away and not mentioning it until they come back, or you get a surprise postcard. I don't see the problem.

If we booked a short break of 5 days at the last minute I don't think we would purposely phone round to tell everyone that. If it was booked in advance we would tell people as part of general conversation.

balletshoes

andygb wrote: »

Why?
We are hardly young teenagers, enjoying a first major holiday alone. We are quite experienced and well travelled.

But they didn't know you were travelling, something awful could have happened to you at home. To be honest I always tell my mum (and my sisters hear from her) when I'm going to be away on holiday, even for a few days - saves her worrying if she does call/phone and doesn't get an answer. I don't see anything wrong in doing that, its just a bit of consideration.

make_me_wise

andygb wrote: »

We have just returned from a lovely five days away in France, a surprise trip for my wife, who has worked hard for the last three years whilst we have not had a holiday.
We did not tell anyone (apart from immediate neighbours) we were going away, because we wanted to enjoy it, and not have to explain in detail why we were having a holiday, when we cannot really afford it.
On our return, we found nine messages from my sister, wanting to know where we were. She had apparently sent flowers (which my neighbour looked after and watered ). I phoned my sister and dad, telling them that we only went away for a short break, and they went ballistic, calling us selfish.
I think that they have a big problem in their attitude, because they hardly ever phone us (I phone once a week), and they never come to visit us (my sister does not drive, and my dad only drives when he feels like it).
Now is the really scary part. My sister, my wife and myself are all in our fifties.
Should she be more aware that people have their own lives, make their own decisions, and do not want to be accountable for every action they take?

Very odd reaction from your sister and dad. Hate to ask such a blunt question but had someone died? If there wasn't a major emergency I cant see why they were so bothered that they couldn't get in touch with you for a few days.

To be honest being in your fifties has little to do with it. My husband and I and our siblings are in our 30s and know better than to behave in such a way. Very bizarre.

Did they think you had won on your joint lottery sindicate and done a bunk with a fortune :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

January20

OP, have you ever thought of sitting down with your sister and your father and telling exactly how hurtful/ annoying the way they behave towards you and your wife is? You may have to be firm. You may have to give an ultimatum. And you really shouldn't phone them once a week every week or let them have personal/ financial details about you! It will only reinforce their sense of ownership over you.

Oldernotwiser

balletshoes wrote: »

But they didn't know you were travelling, something awful could have happened to you at home. To be honest I always tell my mum (and my sisters hear from her) when I'm going to be away on holiday, even for a few days - saves her worrying if she does call/phone and doesn't get an answer. I don't see anything wrong in doing that, its just a bit of consideration.

Surely you must be out fairly often when she phones; does she worry every time?

Spendless

I know how OP feels, I feel similar about my FIL, who once turned up on our doorstep (they live in same village) cos he was worried about not being able to contact us. I was on the phone to my mate so the landline was engaged and DH's mobile was in his car!!

He rings so often when we just walk in that my kids call it 'the Grandad alarm' and we joke he was rigged our hallway to monitor when we walk thru it!!

Only the other week, he rang in a similar state about not being able to get hold of my SIL (his daughter) and I suggested to my husband that he pointed out that she's in her 40s, with 2 marriages behind her, a f-time job, a mortgage and an adult daughter and perfectly entitled to not answer the phone before 10.30am on a w/end!! The thing is until someone does tell him how irritating it is, he's unlikely to stop. I have warned my husband if he starts doing it with our children when they've grown, I'll have no qualms about telling him to get a life.

balletshoes

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Surely you must be out fairly often when she phones; does she worry every time?

I meant if she tried calling me on say the first or 2nd day of a trip I was having away, and I didn't get back to her because I was away and hadn't told her I was going, yes, she'd worry. She leaves a message if I'm out, but if I didn't respond by calling her back within a day or so she'd worry.

Savvy_Sue

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I'm with the OP on this, his family's reaction is really weird and I'd be pretty cross if it were me. Who on earth tells all their relatives when they're going away for a couple of days?

I do - at least my mum and my siblings, I've always told MIL on her weekly phone call. But I do my family by email, because normally I answer pretty quickly if they email me, and I don't always know if I'll be online when we're away.

But then, mum does the same for me. whether I care or not ...