Family members wanting control over you

andygb

We have just returned from a lovely five days away in France, a surprise trip for my wife, who has worked hard for the last three years whilst we have not had a holiday.
We did not tell anyone (apart from immediate neighbours) we were going away, because we wanted to enjoy it, and not have to explain in detail why we were having a holiday, when we cannot really afford it.
On our return, we found nine messages from my sister, wanting to know where we were. She had apparently sent flowers (which my neighbour looked after and watered ). I phoned my sister and dad, telling them that we only went away for a short break, and they went ballistic, calling us selfish.
I think that they have a big problem in their attitude, because they hardly ever phone us (I phone once a week), and they never come to visit us (my sister does not drive, and my dad only drives when he feels like it).
Now is the really scary part. My sister, my wife and myself are all in our fifties.
Should she be more aware that people have their own lives, make their own decisions, and do not want to be accountable for every action they take?

vroombroom

maybe they were just worried about you?

pigpen

They might have been worried you were lying dead in your home! They might have called the police and reported you missing and had your home broken ino to check you were all ok. I can imagine if I have disappeared for 5 days the people who loved me would be worried and frightened.

they don't want to control you or know your every move but if you are going away it helps them to know you are safe surely?!

You could easily have text them saying 'we are away until Saturday (or whenever you get back) I am just treating *the wife* as she is special and deserves it. I'll let you know when we are back safe' ..

They just love you and were concerned and you are annyed about that? I think you should count yourselflucky to have people to miss you

geri1965_2

She was probably worried - that isn't the same as wanting you to be accountable to her. It was perhaps a little inconsiderate of you to disappear without telling anyone you would be away.

andygb

vroombroom wrote: »

maybe they were just worried about you?

Why?
We are hardly young teenagers, enjoying a first major holiday alone. We are quite experienced and well travelled.

geri1965_2

How come I can't thank any responses on this thread, only the OP?

ignore please thanks buttons have appeared!

Plans_all_plans

Well I can see your frustration if you don't normally hear from them, but TBH I think they are within their rights! If I couldn't get in touch with my sister for 5 days, I'd be petrified something'd happened to her!

A quick phone call to them before you went just saying "we're going away for a few days so don't worry if you can't contact us" wouldv'e sufficed. If they started questioning you you could say half jokingly "our financial situation's none of your business, cheeky!!"

I don't think it's a matter of wanting to control you, they were probably just worried.

andygb

pigpen wrote: »

They might have been worried you were lying dead in your home! They might have called the police and reported you missing and had your home broken ino to check you were all ok. I can imagine if I have disappeared for 5 days the people who loved me would be worried and frightened.

they don't want to control you or know your every move but if you are going away it helps them to know you are safe surely?!

You could easily have text them saying 'we are away until Saturday (or whenever you get back) I am just treating *the wife* as she is special and deserves it. I'll let you know when we are back safe' ..

They just love you and were concerned and you are annyed about that? I think you should count yourselflucky to have people to miss you

Did you actually read the part, where I said that they never (well, the last time was Christmas 2009, and they had someone else drive them, and then left after the meal) visit us, and hardly ever phone us?

Sambucus_Nigra

Why do you feel the need in the first place to not tell them what you are up to? Did you ask why you were selfish for being a grown man and treating your wife to a short break [during a time when people are off work and taking short breaks]?

Do they not have your mobile phone number to call?

Just tell them in future that if you want a hol to call your mobile rather than going off the handle as yes, you do leave the house sometimes and yes, you are an adult and as such, are prone to making adult decisions without consulting them!

anguk

I agree with the others, I don't think your family is trying to control they were probably just worried because, as far as they were concerned, you'd disappeared off the face of the earth. I don't understand why you couldn't have mentioned that you were going away in your weekly phone call to them?

I think it's nice that they were concerned when they couldn't contact you, we hear so many stories of people who have been found in their homes weeks after they'd died because nobody cared enough about them.

Would you not be concerned if you couldn't contact your sister or father?

vroombroom - just noticed your signature, good luck for tomorrow!!! I know how you feel, my daughter was 3 weeks late!

Oldernotwiser

I'm with the OP on this, his family's reaction is really weird and I'd be pretty cross if it were me. Who on earth tells all their relatives when they're going away for a couple of days?