Family members wanting control over you

Sambucus_Nigra

andygb wrote: »

They could have turned up for my 50th birthday bash, but decided not to, as they do not like BBQs.
At our wedding, they could have stayed until the end, instead of leaving after an hour, because they thought the music was too loud? They were the only people to complain, everyone else had a good time.

I think I'd have changed my number and not told them at all by now!

Anacrusis

It sounds like you don't like what your relatives say to you about what you spend your money on (I wouldn't either if mine were doing/saying the things you said above!) and so didn't want to have them saying things about your holiday - fair enough.

I think it might have helped to pretend you forgot to mention it/say you thought you'd already mentioned it and "oh dear, so sorry you were worried - check with our neighbours if it happens again, we did tell them we were away for a few days" or similiar. it but probably too late for that now! I know you won't feel like being apologetic, and there's no need for you to be if that's not how you feel, but saying something like that might lessen bad feeling without you having to tell them what you're doing... did they invite themselves along on the France trip? Maybe they're annoyed because they wanted to have been able to invite themselves along on this trip too??!

pigpen

andygb wrote: »

They could have turned up for my 50th birthday bash, but decided not to, as they do not like BBQs.
At our wedding, they could have stayed until the end, instead of leaving after an hour, because they thought the music was too loud? They were the only people to complain, everyone else had a good time.

Well at least they came..

My dad only stayed about 20 minutes at my wedding.. and has never got me a birthday card in my life.

There is always 1 (or 2) and so long as you enjoyed yourself that is what is important

Mrs_Arcanum

andygb wrote: »

We have constantly asked my sister not to send presents, as we cannot afford to give them.
She ignores this, and makes a big point of telling veryone what our financial situation is, and how she has bought us something, because we are so poor.
She will ask us in front of other people, if we have liked the presents which she has given us. She will actually go further than that, and tell people how much they cost.
She never removes price tags from presents.
She always makes a point of telling people what she buys for other relations.

I suspect you have something your sister is envious of; a good & happy relationship.

MiL drives SiL nuts with her daily phone calls (she only lives round the corner). So you can have too much family contact and I do understand your annoyance.

As the saying goes "you can't choose your relatives but you can choose your friends"

Anacrusis

andygb wrote: »

We have constantly asked my sister not to send presents, as we cannot afford to give them.
She ignores this, and makes a big point of telling veryone what our financial situation is, and how she has bought us something, because we are so poor.
She will ask us in front of other people, if we have liked the presents which she has given us. She will actually go further than that, and tell people how much they cost.
She never removes price tags from presents.
She always makes a point of telling people what she buys for other relations.

Oh my, what a character!!

fiscalfreckles

andygb wrote: »

Did you actually read the part, where I said that they never (well, the last time was Christmas 2009, and they had someone else drive them, and then left after the meal) visit us, and hardly ever phone us?

andygb wrote: »

On our return, we found nine messages from my sister, wanting to know where we were. She had apparently sent flowers (which my neighbour looked after and watered ).

Those two don't add up! Don't be so defensive, your sister sent flowers, was probably surprised not to get a thank you and tried to check they had arrived. You seem to have a chip on your shoulder about your whole relationship with your family and are making it worse by over-reacting to them. You all seem very judgemental about each other.

I hope you had a nice break. Personally, I would let anyone I was in regular contact with know if I was going away as I think it only polite. But if you don't want to, that's your business. There was however, a reason your sister was concerned about you (the flowers) - I think to say she is trying to control your life is a bit strong.

scooby088

If i was in that situation i would tell my family to back off, i also had a sister who thought she owned my every move she didn't like when i wasn't there at her back and call, so now i have no relationship with my sister which is her loss really. As long as i got someone to look in on my house and sort the mail out then i can't say i would tell my family where i was going.

burnoutbabe

I'm sure my parents would be very worried if they tried to get in touch and couldn't get hold of me for 5 days. (though we have mobiles and facebook so they would be able to get in touch with me IF I WAS ALIVE).

not telling them you are going away, because you are worried they will tell you off for spending money you don't have, well your old enough to spend your own money how you want. you are giving them control by feeling you have to hide things from them.

bluenoseam

Perhaps it's just me, but ultimately i get rather annoyed when my sisters are "in my pocket" in so much as hanging around, constantly checking up etc - last time it happened was a couple of years ago i'd went to get my tonsil taken out & my elder sister went nuts because she hadn't been informed, she was promptly told at 25 it was doubtfull i needed my hand held & that i don't appreciate being leashed like a dog. I can see how you got frustrated, not like it's any of their business what you and the wife get up to.

as for the odd gifts & the flaunting of her better financial situation, just remind yourself that it's a sign that really she's quite insecure about her own position meaning she must show off to someone in a worse position in order to validate her thought that she's better off - frankly quite pathetic to clearly rag on someone who by the sounds of it, is perfectly accepting of their financial situation.

family, the only thing in life which can annoy you so greatly with you having little or no way to actually do anything about it!

andrealm

Didn't you have a mobile phone with you while you were away?

If you are usually in contact on the phone once a week and hadn't mentioned that you were going away for a few days, it's understandable that they were concerned when they couldn't get hold of you.