Ex's wife smacked my son

sarluk

Hi,
sorry this isnt moneysaving but i see a lot of posts that arent on this board so hope its ok to post here.

Background: have 2 sons 18 and 12 with ex hub. He is remarried with 2 little ones. Only my ds2 (12 yr old) goes to stay at his, 4 nights a month.

Ds2 has just stayed over and when he came home told me that they were all at the park and he was playing football, he kicked the ball at park fence and it bounced off and rolled towards one of the little ones(didnt touch him tho) and ex's wife shouted "what do you think you are doing" and smacked ds2 across the head. Ex was other side of park and didnt witness it. Ds2 very shocked and it has bothered him a great deal. He is not a smacked child...i have never smacked him and as far as i know/been told his dad has never smacked him either. Obviously im furious about this. I think and feel that she has got absolutely no right what so ever to smack my son.

Have emailed his dad today and explained what had happened and i feel its unacceptable but as usual hes brushed it off as not a big deal and doesnt seem bothered at all. Im even more fuming now and really upset. There has been nothing but problems with my sons and her and im at the end of my tether with it all now.

Ds1 stopped going to stay at his dads a few years ago after she gripped him around the face after she demanded he look at her when she was telling him off. She denied doing it so dad called Ds1 a liar and they had huge fall out. She was always doing/saying stuff when their dad wasnt there or in another room then denying it. Ds2 said after she hit him she was extra nice to him for rest of day.

Im at a loss of what to do. I have always encouraged both boys to stay in conntact with dad but i have to secretly admit best decision ds1 made was stopping going there. He was coming home everytime in tears,breaking down and stressed out. Ds2 said he really dislikes her...she nit picks,shouts all the time,blames him for almost everything,storms off and spends the time hes there hidden in the bedroom only coming downstairs to take food up...ds2 says hi and she just gives him an evil look and ignores him. Ex and her argue non stop nearly everytime ds2 goes there(that was another factor in ds1 stopping going he was so fed up of hearing them argue).Ds2 gets very distressed at times as she often slaps her boys...he was in tears when he got home a few months back cos she'd slapped the 4 year old across the face.

Don't really know what im asking any advice/opinions ect... most welcome.
Thanks

neneromanova

If you want to, you could go to the police station? Dunno if that's a bit extreme though. I'd just ask DS2 what he wants to do, if he wants to continue going there or stop going.

shellsuit

Did your son tell his Dad at the time?

She sounds a right one. Never mind emails, I'd call to the house and out of earshot of the little ones, I'd tell her that if she dares touch one hair on either childs head again, she'll have me to deal with.

Seriously, it needs dealing with pronto and the only way to deal with people like that is to tell them to back the hell off.

pigpen

Ring SS? Ring the police and charge her with assault?

I'd not let DS go again.. ever.. unless she was elsewhere or they werre supervised.. and I'd see my solicitor and explain why!

My stepmother used to beat 7 shades of the proverbial out of me when my dad turned his back... until I picked up an old walking stick and belted her back with it!!! I was a tiny 10 y/o at the time.. never been one to take stuff lying down.. noone would listen so I took it upon myself!

I'd probably have gone round and cracked her round the head and ex too.. then thought about logical alternatives..

Nimeth

Smacking a child isn't on IMO, especially not around the head. Your ex's wife is out of line, way out of line. There should be no reason for discipline in this case, none. If your DS had hit the little ones, I would have told him to be more careful and if he wasn't I'd take him home.

You have every right to be furious, I sure would be! I think your DS needs to speak to his dad, perhaps with you present, and tell him how this incident has made him feel, both the smack and the not being believed.

I wouldn't approach the wife, you'll either get brushed off or told off. I can't believe she slapped her 4 year old.:mad:

You also should have a word with your DS2, ask him he wants to keep going or not. If not, reassure him that it's fine and let him stay home with you.

make_me_wise

sarluk wrote: »

Ds2 has just stayed over and when he came home told me that they were all at the park and he was playing football, he kicked the ball at park fence and it bounced off and rolled towards one of the little ones(didnt touch him tho) and ex's wife shouted "what do you think you are doing" and smacked ds2 across the head.

Ds1 stopped going to stay at his dads a few years ago after she gripped him around the face after she demanded he look at her when she was telling him off.

You do realise this woman has been assaulting your kids. You are not allowed by law any more to hit a child, let alone smack them round the head or grip them round the face.

If I were in your shoes I wouldn't be on a money saving site asking for advice. I would be reporting her to the police without hesitation. That vile woman is very lucky that no-one who witnessed what went on didn't report her. If I saw anyone treating a child in that manner I would. The police would take you seriously.

I think it is a huge misjudgement of your ex to treat this in such a casual manner. Its like he condones what she is doing.

Your poor kid I hope he is okay.

Alias_Omega

Probably just a clip around the ear, and taken out of context.

Monitor the situation and see how it goes in the future.

sarluk

Hi
thanks for replys.

ive never met or spoken to his wife(theyve been together 9 years)...I have to email as im not "allowed" to call their house. I have his mobile number but know hes at work so couldnt call him. He has always refused to sit down and talk anything through with the boys and i.

Ds2 keeps going through stages wanting to go/not wanting to. Its exactly the same pattern repeating itself as with Ds1. His dad is very manipulative and emotionally blackmailing. He told ds1 if he didnt go there anymore he wouldnt see half brother(they only had the one at this time) so ds1 decided to give it a go again after the face gripping incident he lasted 2 visits. He hardly sees his half brothers and it breaks his heart.

Ds2 is very close to half brothers and the threat of hardly seeing them will make him keep going even if he is unhappy to.

He didnt tell his dad at the time as he said he was afraid to, theyd already been arguing that morning and he said he was afraid theyd argue some more, plus his dad always takes her side.

Im so stuck...i really dont want him going anymore but i know his dad will manipulate him into thinkng it was no big deal and i know ds2 will start to think it too(even tho i know its a big deal for him).

I have said in email that i want 100% guarantee it wont happen again. If it did no email next time straight to police! But then if it was to happen again id feel a huge amount of guilt for not stopping him going.

sarluk

Alias_Omega wrote: »

Probably just a clip around the ear, and taken out of context.

That was my first thought but ds2 said it was across top of his head and it hurt

KiKi

She smacked him over the HEAD?

There's a word for that, and it's called 'assault'. Of a minor. I wouldn't let him go back until ex sits down with you and talks it through. I would also consider filing a complaint with the police, even just to register it in case it happens again.

What a witch.

KiKi

Hard_up,_not_happy

Stop messing about sending emails asking for 100% guarantees. This woman has a complete lack of control to be able to treat your kids in that manner. She shouldn't be around children.

If anyone treated my kids like that they would be dealing with social services and the police quicker than they could breathe.

I agree with the other posters who have said that she has been assaulting your children.