Ex's wife smacked my son

Biofox

Hiya,

It sounds as if you are quite torn over what to do. I think you are right to be angry at this woman but equally you don't want to put your DS in a situation where he may feel he is being asked to choose.

Kids are often honest and rarely make things like this up, in my experience, without there being some underlying issue. As it has been said before it could have been a clip around the ear and taken out of context. But whatever the circumstances if it hurt your son and made him feel as if he was being unfairly treated (being punished for doing something when really he'd done nothing wrong) then this is cause for you to be concerned.

I don't think that attempting to have a word with this woman is necessarily a good option. Often is the case where you intend to speak with her "mother to mother" however she might have other ideas and it could turn a lot more agressive than you intended. Likewise, I don't think it is wise to go over and smack her- hopefully these people were joking! It wouldn't set a good example for your children, lead by example.

In this case it is difficult to know what to do, you want to follow your heart but your head needs to be listened to- voice of reason and all.

I honestly think a call to the NSPCC might help you. It's not so extreme as the police or social services however you can speak with an advisor there and get some valuable advice. You don't need to give her name etc and it needn't go further than the advice if you don't want it to.

I am a counsellor for ChildLine (voluntary) and we get a number of calls from concerned parents/neighbours etc. We have to advise them to contact the NSPCC (since we are child centred) and a lot of people have reservations, but they can offer you some good advice.

I hope this helps and I hope that you get what you are looking for.

Take care

Triker

Biofox wrote: »

Hiya,

It sounds as if you are quite torn over what to do. I think you are right to be angry at this woman but equally you don't want to put your DS in a situation where he may feel he is being asked to choose.

Kids are often honest and rarely make things like this up, in my experience, without there being some underlying issue. As it has been said before it could have been a clip around the ear and taken out of context. But whatever the circumstances if it hurt your son and made him feel as if he was being unfairly treated (being punished for doing something when really he'd done nothing wrong) then this is cause for you to be concerned.

I don't think that attempting to have a word with this woman is necessarily a good option. Often is the case where you intend to speak with her "mother to mother" however she might have other ideas and it could turn a lot more agressive than you intended. Likewise, I don't think it is wise to go over and smack her- hopefully these people were joking! It wouldn't set a good example for your children, lead by example.

In this case it is difficult to know what to do, you want to follow your heart but your head needs to be listened to- voice of reason and all.

I honestly think a call to the NSPCC might help you. It's not so extreme as the police or social services however you can speak with an advisor there and get some valuable advice. You don't need to give her name etc and it needn't go further than the advice if you don't want it to.

I am a counsellor for ChildLine (voluntary) and we get a number of calls from concerned parents/neighbours etc. We have to advise them to contact the NSPCC (since we are child centred) and a lot of people have reservations, but they can offer you some good advice.

I hope this helps and I hope that you get what you are looking for.

Take care

Sigh....yes I was joking.:D

abacus73

sarluk wrote: »

Ds2 has just stayed over and when he came home told me that they were all at the park and he was playing football, he kicked the ball at park fence and it bounced off and rolled towards one of the little ones(didnt touch him tho) and ex's wife shouted "what do you think you are doing" and smacked ds2 across the head.

Ds1 stopped going to stay at his dads a few years ago after she gripped him around the face after she demanded he look at her when she was telling him off.

Ds2 gets very distressed at times as she often slaps her boys...he was in tears when he got home a few months back cos she'd slapped the 4 year old across the face.

Put it this way. If this was your kids teacher treating him in this way instead of your exs wife, what would you do?

Would you really send him/her an email asking for 100% guarantee it would never happen again? Or would you phone the police and be advising you wished to press charges for assault?

It doesn't matter who she is, this woman has been assaulting your kids. By handling it the way you currently are it is putting your son at risk of further abuse.

I wouldn't lower myself to go round the house and try to reason with this individual. She sounds like the type who would lamp you if you dared rile her. Report her to the police and let them deal with her.

bestpud

Those who say to call the police: how do you think that would turn out for the OP's son, out of interest?

There is no witnesses so they are not going to act without speaking to him and taking some sort of statement.

Is that really the right course to take, do you think?

Seems a bit OTT to me. Surely the best plan will allow him to retain a relationship with his dad but not be left open to another smack around the head?

Nimeth

Triker wrote: »

Sigh....yes I was joking.:D

Still satisfying to dream about it though, even though you have no intention of ever doing it.:D

Though if it were my kids and I caught her in the act of doing, I'd certainly give her such an earful.

gingin_2

If it were me and if your son wanted to keep in contact with father and siblings, I would arrange a neutral meeting between the three of you, ideally with a mediator there, where you can discuss what you are unhappy with and what cannot be allowed to happen again and what can be changed.

I would only allow the child to be in her presence again if she could behave calmly during the meeting and then be able to give your son a full genuine apology, along with a radical change in behaviour.

mrbrightside842

sarluk wrote: »

Have emailed his dad today and explained what had happened and i feel its unacceptable but as usual hes brushed it off as not a big deal and doesnt seem bothered at all. Im even more fuming now and really upset. There has been nothing but problems with my sons and her and im at the end of my tether with it all now.

Has dad acknowledged that it happened? In what way is he brushing it off?

make_me_wise

Bestpud, as a 12 year old I would have preferred to give a statement to a fully trained police officer who had my best interests at heart, rather than be around a step mum with no self control who saw fit to assault me.

It is up to the dad to have his kids welfare as his priority and maintain a relationship with them. If that means seeing him whilst the step mum is not about then so be it. She cant even treat her own kids properly, what kind of mother hits a 4 year old across the face?

I think a long course of anger management would do her the world of good.

bestpud

make_me_wise wrote: »

Bestpud, as a 12 year old I would have preferred to give a statement to a fully trained police officer who had my best interests at heart, rather than be around a step mum with no self control who saw fit to assault me.

It is up to the dad to have his kids welfare as his priority and maintain a relationship with them. If that means seeing him whilst the step mum is not about then so be it. She cant even treat her own kids properly, what kind of mother hits a 4 year old across the face?

I think a long course of anger management would do her the world of good.

Ahhh, I thought the son was only 4!

In that case, he could make his own mind up at 12 and I'd ask him what he wants to do.

12 is quite old to be smacked, isn't it? Even for parents who believe in it as a disciplinary method? :eek:

Nicki

bestpud wrote: »

Those who say to call the police: how do you think that would turn out for the OP's son, out of interest?

There is no witnesses so they are not going to act without speaking to him and taking some sort of statement.

Is that really the right course to take, do you think?

Seems a bit OTT to me. Surely the best plan will allow him to retain a relationship with his dad but not be left open to another smack around the head?

It would have to be the child's decision of course but the police are excellent in this sort of situation. I started a thread a few years ago when my child was assaulted by an adult at a child's party and got lots of people posting to say it would be his word against hers and do nothing. However I did report it to the police, who spoke to my son (then aged 7), then arrested the woman and questioned her. She denied everything but the CPS told the police to charge her anyway. She eventually admitted it before her first court appearance and the CPS allowed her to accept a caution which will show up on a CRB check should she ever want to work with children.

For my son, even though only 7, he learned that provided he told the truth, he would be respected and believed, and that he could always tell if he was mistreated by an adult. Obviously, I'd rather he hadn't had to go through the whole experience but it was a good outcome. Had the woman not admitted the offence by the way, the police would have used the video recording of his statement to them so he wasn't going to have to appear in court, but that might be different for a 12 year old.

For OP's son, it could achieve 2 things. First to put a warning shot across the step mother's bows so she doesn't do this again, and second to show him that his own mum will always be in his corner fighting for him. If the police do take things further it might also impress on his dad that this is a big deal, and make him take things a bit more seriously in future.