Ex's wife smacked my son

toniq

I wouldn't let my child stay with someone I hadn't met, no if's no but's.

There could be a flip side, every story has two sides.

If the lads resent parents splitting up/moving on they might have had a inbuilt hostility to Step Mum.

I'm not condoning what she did,But I know my son when I throw a cushion at him will say it hurt and make a big deal when it barely touched his foot.

Hope it all works out and your son is ok.

make_me_wise

Biofox wrote: »

I am a counsellor for ChildLine (voluntary) and we get a number of calls from concerned parents/neighbours etc. We have to advise them to contact the NSPCC (since we are child centred) and a lot of people have reservations, but they can offer you some good advice.

I really admire you doing that, such a valuable way to spend some time. Do you need alot of training? Must be very hard to keep emotion out of it at times and be able to just listen and then advise the little kids.

make_me_wise

Nicki wrote: »

I started a thread a few years ago when my child was assaulted by an adult at a child's party and got lots of people posting to say it would be his word against hers and do nothing. However I did report it to the police, who spoke to my son (then aged 7), then arrested the woman and questioned her. She denied everything but the CPS told the police to charge her anyway. She eventually admitted it before her first court appearance and the CPS allowed her to accept a caution which will show up on a CRB check should she ever want to work with children.

For my son, even though only 7, he learned that provided he told the truth, he would be respected and believed, and that he could always tell if he was mistreated by an adult. Obviously, I'd rather he hadn't had to go through the whole experience but it was a good outcome.

I think you did 100% the right thing. It must have be an awful experience for you all.

Nimeth

toniq wrote: »

I wouldn't let my child stay with someone I hadn't met, no if's no but's.

There could be a flip side, every story has two sides.

If the lads resent parents splitting up/moving on they might have had a inbuilt hostility to Step Mum.

I'm not condoning what she did,But I know my son when I throw a cushion at him will say it hurt and make a big deal when it barely touched his foot.

Hope it all works out and your son is ok.

Yes, there's always two sides to every story, I agree.

But in this case, the fact that the OP isn't allowed to call the house, she has to email, that the wife slaps her own children, that it's happened more than once and that it's always when dad isn't watching/around makes me think this isn't inbuilt hostility.

snookey

I would insist on a meeting with your ex and his wife before allowing your son to stay there. It sounds as if this woman has little control and hitting a child who is not even related to her is out of order.

Mupette

http://www.parliament.uk/briefingpapers/commons/lib/research/briefings/snha-04710.pdf


very grey area.

heretolearn_2

I end to think that only parents (or those who are seriously in place of parents, ie live in stepparents, not just visited ones) are entitled to get physical with the kids. I don't see anything wrong with a smack etc, but if this was the right thing to do, then it should have been the dad. But of course there are limits and I agree that anyone who slaps a 4 year old (or any age person) round the face is out of control. There's a massive difference between that and a cuff round the ear or a smack on the bum.

I'd tell her, fairly nicely, that she is not permitted to use physical punishment on your boys. That if they need punishment it is to be: timeout, loss of computer for a couple of hours, early to bed, whatever you think is right.

She could also have overreacted because of the situation - maybe the football was really flying at her toddler and she thought he was going to get hurt and lashed out at a kid who really is old enough to know better than to boot a football at a little kid. ~So your boy wasn't an angel in this situation, but she did react inappropriately. could it just have been a bit of a cuff though? How do the boys get on with her generally? Do they get into playing both sets of parents off against each other? Are all these things actually true? I don't know, I'm not there, but I've seen plenty of mums defend their 'innocent' kids when I know different. It is possible that your boys are exaggerating.

Sambucus_Nigra

What does your older son think about all this? As he's been in the exact same situation before.

SJP

Could this be the step mothers way of stopping the OP's DS from seeing his dad? Sounds to me like she would be happy if DS didn't see his dad? Jealousy maybe??

I would certainly take the advice of the NSPCC

As for emailing my ex - stuff that - i'd be paying him a visit - at work if that was the only place I could see him!!

neneromanova

heretolearn wrote: »

She could also have overreacted because of the situation - maybe the football was really flying at her toddler and she thought he was going to get hurt and lashed out at a kid who really is old enough to know better than to boot a football at a little kid. ~So your boy wasn't an angel in this situation, but she did react inappropriately. could it just have been a bit of a cuff though? How do the boys get on with her generally? Do they get into playing both sets of parents off against each other? Are all these things actually true? I don't know, I'm not there, but I've seen plenty of mums defend their 'innocent' kids when I know different. It is possible that your boys are exaggerating.

I thought the ball was kicked at a wall and it bounced off at the little kid landing at their feet and didn't even touch them.