Ignorant comments

nannytone_2

youre being too sensitive!not everyone on crutches is disabled. most of them have just had an accident and are quite happy to tell everyone and anyone what happened to them!

i went in monsoon to buy a brightly coloured, sequinned top. the sales assistant said 'are you going somewhere nice?

she wrongly assumed that because i was buying an expensive top that i was going somewhere nice......just as the person you'd seen tthought you'd had an accident! her asking wasnt meant to offend.

the woman who served me would have no doubt been mortified to find out that i was buying the top for my grandsons funeral.

not everything that is said is a slight against you!
it's just making conversation!

OneYorkshireLass

formaldehyde_perfume wrote: »

I was on crutches the other day when I walked in to my buildings society and asked them to update my books, the woman looked at me and said 'so what have you done to yourself?' like my disability was some how my fault. Even if I had only broken my leg or something there are very few people who would do that deliberately so I think it was incredibly insensitive to say to anyone... But it is just ignorance

I used to work in a shop and would never make personal comments/ask questions like that! She could just have easily have said "the weather's lovely today" or summat ... and that would have been fine for both staff and customer.

I would have said "nothing", and then waited a beat before saying "what have you done to your hair?" or something similar .... I wonder how uncomfortable she would have felt then!

formaldehyde_perfume

nannytone wrote: »

youre being too sensitive!not everyone on crutches is disabled. most of them have just had an accident and are quite happy to tell everyone and anyone what happened to them!

i went in monsoon to buy a brightly coloured, sequinned top. the sales assistant said 'are you going somewhere nice?

she wrongly assumed that because i was buying an expensive top that i was going somewhere nice......just as the person you'd seen tthought you'd had an accident! her asking wasnt meant to offend.

the woman who served me would have no doubt been mortified to find out that i was buying the top for my grandsons funeral.

not everything that is said is a slight against you!
it's just making conversation!

Firstly, I think your comment about how sensitive I am is rude. Not everyone has come to terms with their disability and there is no set time period for someone to do that so just because I refuse to let my body win doesn't mean I want someone blatantly pointing my physical flaws out to me in public.

... Actually, I was going to make a full reply to this but I'm not going to waste my spoons on you. This is pointless.

You irritate me beyond belief; this is not to say I dislike you, I don't know you, but I'd rather not have to read what you write so for that reason I am going to block you. I don't wish you harm, but I do wish you would be more considerate.

formaldehyde_perfume

OneYorkshireLass wrote: »

I used to work in a shop and would never make personal comments/ask questions like that! She could just have easily have said "the weather's lovely today" or summat ... and that would have been fine for both staff and customer.

I would have said "nothing", and then waited a beat before saying "what have you done to your hair?" or something similar .... I wonder how uncomfortable she would have felt then!

Exactly! The weather was actually lovely that day too!

I try hard not to judge, usually, but this woman had a very 'unusual' face and frankly, was ugly.. I had a very hard time holding my tongue (which, for me, is a major achievement) because what my whole body was urging me to say was 'Nothing, what have you done to your face?' but instead I found myself giving her slight evils and said 'It's a medical problem' .... I mean, what did she want me to say? 'I have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome type 3 which is a connective tissue disorder affecting most of my joints, I also have secondary fibromyalgia which means even the slightest of touches can be extremely painful. I can't walk without pain, I'm on roughly 15 tablets a day, I'm not able to work, my life has no purpose.... ' Seriously, I could talk at her about it for hours.

Sometimes having a physical representation of my disability (scooter, stick, blue badge, DLA paper, crutches etc) is helpful but sometimes it can cause social problems too.

nannytone_2

formaldehyde_perfume wrote: »

Firstly, I think your comment about how sensitive I am is rude. Not everyone has come to terms with their disability and there is no set time period for someone to do that so just because I refuse to let my body win doesn't mean I want someone blatantly pointing my physical flaws out to me in public.

... Actually, I was going to make a full reply to this but I'm not going to waste my spoons on you. This is pointless.

You irritate me beyond belief; this is not to say I dislike you, I don't know you, but I'd rather not have to read what you write so for that reason I am going to block you. I don't wish you harm, but I do wish you would be more considerate.

and that's not being over sensitive!
blimey

nannytone_2

someone asking you if youve 'done' when youre on crutches is many peoples idea of an acceptable thing to say.
to hav
ve to bite your tongue because you think someone is 'ugly' is totally different! thats just bloody rude!

GlasweJen

I ask patients what happened if they are in casts or on crutches. They all seem to like a sympathetic ear and it can be relevant because some people on crutches need to stay upright as much as possible but others would need a chair if they had to wait.

gordikin

formaldehyde_perfume wrote: »

Firstly, I think your comment about how sensitive I am is rude. Not everyone has come to terms with their disability and there is no set time period for someone to do that so just because I refuse to let my body win doesn't mean I want someone blatantly pointing my physical flaws out to me in public.

... Actually, I was going to make a full reply to this but I'm not going to waste my spoons on you. This is pointless.

You irritate me beyond belief; this is not to say I dislike you, I don't know you, but I'd rather not have to read what you write so for that reason I am going to block you. I don't wish you harm, but I do wish you would be more considerate.

You clearly need help. No doubt that will irritate you too. The woman in the BS made an innocent remark and you come on MSE telling us she was ugly and that you 'struggled' not to tell her so? You are the 'ugly' one.

daska

nannytone wrote: »

someone asking you if youve 'done' when youre on crutches is many peoples idea of an acceptable thing to say.
to hav
ve to bite your tongue because you think someone is 'ugly' is totally different! thats just bloody rude!

ermmm... biting her tongue would be being polite. it would have been rude if she'd said it out loud but she didn't so it wasn't. and you do have a way of coming over as 'I'm all right Jack, what's YOUR problem'

P.S. putting everything in bold is almost as bad as shouting in caps.

Torry_Quine

formaldehyde_perfume wrote: »

I was on crutches the other day when I walked in to my buildings society and asked them to update my books, the woman looked at me and said 'so what have you done to yourself?' like my disability was some how my fault. Even if I had only broken my leg or something there are very few people who would do that deliberately so I think it was incredibly insensitive to say to anyone... But it is just ignorance

My advice to the OP would be to try and calmly explain to the person that you found the comment inappropriate and it was upsetting, your life is very difficult and although you love your child that your life would be a lot easier if they didn't have autism, and that you would love to be able to work and do all the things that non-carers take for granted. Then, if this doesn't get through to the 'friend' I would just stop talking to them, they really aren't worth the energy.

That is called making conversation, to be honest your reaction seems somewhat excessive. At least she didn't ignore the fact that you may have needed some help.

daska wrote: »

ermmm... biting her tongue would be being polite. it would have been rude if she'd said it out loud but she didn't so it wasn't. and you do have a way of coming over as 'I'm all right Jack, what's YOUR problem'

P.S. putting everything in bold is almost as bad as shouting in caps.

She puts things in bold as her sight problems mean she can't see normal text, i must have picked that up somewhere.