Memorygirls - The Matrix Re-inspired

redsquirrel80

Hugs Fantasia.. agree with the others that you did absolutely the right thing. Imagine how you would feel if you had done nothing - the consequences could have been much worse for the baby, and it might well have preyed on your mind for years. Is your OH maybe saying what he is because it has come to the forefront now and you are having to deal with upsetting fall-out? I do think counselling sounds like it could help you to settle things in your own mind. Take care of yourself xx

fantasia322

Thank you so much everyone for all the affirmations.
I do know deep down that I did right, the doubt came in when relation came to me. I didnt know what to say to them, this is particularly emotive to me and I knew if i gave her my version it would be clouded with over emotional statements hence the reason I pointed her to her social service records, which would clearly only give factual stuff without my biased emotion.

The whole episode destroyed any relationship i had with the other relative though who is a sibling and only 17 at the time this occurred. Have made several attempts at reconciliation, recently when I discovered our parent had had a massive heart attack and still they don't want to know. Not even for the sake of our shared parent. Am going to make an appointment with my g.p. and see what the next step is for me.

I do feel so much better though for actually having acknowledged it out loud. I just want to put the whole thing to bed and get past it,
thank you again to everyone. My idea was to write it down here and just leave it, but your supportive replies have been amazing and i could'nt not acknowledge xxxxxxxx

Bitsy_Beans

I am really glad to see you posting fantasia but sorry to see you're having such a tough time.

I think you completely did the right thing and whilst it may appear to have opened a can of worms I think the victim in question deserves the answers to their questions. I don't think anyone has the right to deny them that.
I hope your GP can help you out but also that your OH can finally support you in your decision xx Big hugs to you xx


OK having 15 mins of internet time before I do 15 mins cleaning.

EssexHebridean

Fantasia I have nothing of practical use to add to what others have said, but will agree wholeheartedly with them that not doing what you did was not an option for you. Had you kept quiet and said/done nothing, you would not have been able to live with yourself and the negative reflections onto your mental state would have been far, far worse.

Re those of us who want to change our relationship with food, and perhaps require a small size of clothing into the bargain, I obviously hope we can do something over here as, as most of you know, I don't participate on the private forum anymore. There are already weight-loss threads on the health & beauty boards so we won't be allowed to open another, it will be merged. I was hoping that, on the basis that MG herself is also trying to eat more healthily at the moment she might be happy for it take up a small amount of space on this thread. Personally I intend to make my food posts a part of my regular posts anyway - (for example, I've just eaten a big plate of tuna salad dressed with 2 tsps low fat yogurt (Crickett, for regular eating I agree totally with you on the yogurt thing - I usually go for Greek yogurt in fact!), half a tsp of honey and a little grain mustard. The dressing and the tuna were the only things with any real calorific value as the rest was lettuce, mixed leaves, radishes and tomatoes. In "old" weightwatchers points (working from memory) it would I think have been about 3 points max. The change here is that I have been eating pasta & pesto, or cous cous for lunch with a pitta bread. In fact, sometimes with two pitta breads. I'm going to wait 10 minutes to see if I want anything else, and if I do there is a slice of melon in the fridge just waiting for me! Yum!) Like I said before, I don't "do" scales - I have a nasty habit of becoming obsessive about weighing myself and then yo-yo diet as a result which is less healthy than being bigger in the first place. I don't "do" diets either really. What I want is to change my relationship with food, and stop eating out of habit. If anyone saw Supersize -v- Superskinny the other night a LOT of that rang bells with me - the chap was eating huge huge portions (not that I'm as bad as him, but still!) but in his head he was telling himself "Nah - I'm not THAT bad!" The alarm bell really started clanging the other night when, having sat and mindlessly eaten an entire bag of japanese rice crackers, I then hid the empty bag so OH wouldn't realise I'd just eaten the lot...... Uh Oh! :eek:

crickett1234

Okay EH... I understand re "the other side". I think MG would be okay with it... and who knows, we could all benefit from one another's ideas! For myself, I had a nectarine at 11am because my stomach started rumbling and at 12 I had my lunch which was a ham and cheese sarnie on brown bread with salad and low fat mayo. I followed that up with a granny smith and I have also drunk another two pints of vaguely squashed water (I was on the last dregs of my squash bottle... plus, I always try and only put a few drops in to take away the taste of the manky water in the building where I work!

Right, off to another building on campus and a meeting. Probably won't get back here today, so have a lovely evening one and all and i will see you in the morning!

susan946

Fantasia - it's all been said........all I can offer is a huge hug.

Sometimes you have to do what you have to do in the knowledge that there may be a comeback. You have to harden your heart and stick to your guns. What you did was the only thing you could have done and lived with a clear conscience. Had no action been taken and the child had been seriously damaged you would have found that much more difficult to deal with. Of course the perpetrator will deny it and defend him/herself in what ever way is possible. Trying to undermine you is the easiest way for them.

You need to hold your head high, square your shoulders and rise above it. Easier said than done, I know, but with the help and support of true friends and professional advice you will get there.

I'm sorry this has caused a rift between you and oh, but my guess is that this will pass. It maybe for you the healing process may include counselling for both of you.

Good Luck

Sue

Bitsy_Beans

As far as the road to being slim is concerned I don't mind people posting on here and if people are doing it without joining SW or WW then it's definately in the spirit of make do and mend which was MG's original thread Not to mention perhaps eating less and therefore buying less food (UGC anyone ) which leads to being MSE and more money to throw at debts (if you want )
Just my [STRIKE]ramblings[/STRIKE] thoughts at any rate

tellmeitsfriday

Maybe we should start with a food diary... that way we list what we like, and people can recommend healthy/cheap adjustments?

EssexHebridean

I reckon the first thing (and I honestly feel this is key for everyone) is to work out where your problems lie - me for example, my portion sizes are too big, and I eat out of habit, and when I'm bored. Last night I had my dinner (Cottage pie - but smaller portion than I would normally have had) and a plate of fruit afterwards, and then went upstairs for a natter with my friend/neighbour for the rest of the evening - didn't even think about being hungry because I was occupied. The keys for me are: Reduce portion sizes - particularly of rice, pasta etc; Eat a maximum of one packet of crisps per day; have fruit in the fridge to snack on rather than unhealthy stuff; Drink more water; (Just been and drunk a glass!) and finally - the biggie for many of us I think - MORE EXERCISE!

Bitsy definitely no WW for me - I did do their system years ago - went from a size 16 to a 10/12 but I struggle to get to their "ideal" weight range - I felt pressured to make it there to get to my gold membership, but because my basic frame is dense-boned by the time I got there I was looking positively gaunt on my face & collarbones etc. I'm only 5'1" and currently take a 16 (sometimes an 18 on top - I have some heavy grade weaponry in my armoury up there! (big Bazookas!) :rotfl:) but more people assume I'm a big size 14 or thereabouts. I weigh heavier than I look, and carry that weight quite well, if you know what I mean.

Right - I think I deserve a TA DA list!
Washing from machine > Airer outside.
Dishwasher loaded and will go on tonight
Washing from airer - not folder and put away yet though!
Client invoice updated
Accounts sheet updated
Avon recanvassing flyers prepped & printed
Avon books prepped for recanvassing
Repaired my favourite black combats
Updated my Avon order
Emailed Avon about a problem with the last books (awful printing - have asked for Credit!)
Tried a load of surveys - failed on most!
Washing up
15 minute tidying blitz on front room.
Sorted a pile of paperwork ready for filing.


Going to pop out now and deliver my Avon books for the houses I need to recanvass - I have asked my Sales manager for more territory so fingers crossed that will come through in time for the next campaign in a weeks time. :T - I'm going to walk round, it's not far, but at least that's a bit of exercise for me!

ps: The melon got eaten!

Bitsy_Beans

I know each to their own but I did WW in the run up to getting wed and I hated every minute of it Made me obsess about the foods I felt I "couldn't" have. So I have chucked all the "diet" books away and am on my journey to embrace intuiative eating. I know I can do this but just have to battle my bad habits. Like you EH portion sizes, eating too fast and eating due to boredom are my main weaknesses. I am terrible for snacking when I am on the 'puter I suppose as I am at home I don't see many other adults for the main part of the day if I am honest it can get a bit lonely with just a 2 year old for company so the computer is my refuge which then just leads me to snack due to boredom, lonliness and for reward
it's a long road I am tacking but I didn't make these bad habits overnight so I need to have realistic expectations and it's all about the baby steps