Memorygirls - The Matrix Re-inspired

tellmeitsfriday

That Cheery's right again :P!

She should however be "working from home" not Matrixing (says I!)

crickett1234

So she is. Clever clogs! We could post over there then? I will admit to feeling slightly intimidated by that thread though... lots of posts about running and huge amounts of exercise and little bitty things to eat... and it scared me! Bearing in mind, I have a LONG way to go... all that kind of talk can be pretty scary. I might post the first time over there and test the waters!

fantasia322

Bitsy_Beans wrote: »

Meant to say.....Fantasia where the heck are you girl?? Been missing your posts

Hi Matrixettes,
Thank you for all the lovely PM's. I've been reading when i can, but have got some personal issues at the moment which i am trying to deal with. Will explain because its complicated. Wont use names because this is a public forum and I know people from all walks of life read etc.
About 25 years ago there was an issue in my family with a relation abusing a child (beating not sexual). The child was a baby and someone came to me with the info and I knew what they were saying was the truth, but they were afraid of the person hurting the child so I stepped in and reported the abuser. Result was back in the 80's if you were shown to be giving false information then you were at risk of prosecution, however I was validated because the police intervened and said baby was removed from relations care, to hospital (designated place of safety) and then into foster care. However relations between me and other party broke down. Other party then did a disappearing act and baby was put into guardianship of another close family member. Years passed and baby grew up and had a very strained relationship with abuser, she had heard rumours in family about what had happened, and couldnt deal with it, so she was pointed in my direction. Was sort of torn between stirring up the past and letting sleeping dogs lie but I suggested that to get a full version of the truth perhaps seek her records from Social Services, which she duly did. So now she knows the full truth about what happened and the part i played in it.
She has started seeing a councillor, and hopefully the end result will be that she finds peace. Abuser had totaly denied anything had ever happened, and told lots of people including child that nothing had happened and that I was lying through jealousy etc.
Now others know the truth but I've been getting it in the neck for openeing up a can of worms and have been having nightmares about, did I do right by telling the truth, or should I have left it alone. Maybe I'm the one who should seek councilling. I need to move on from this but am finding it soooooooo hard.
On top of this things havent been good at home because I can't focus on anything else and OH reckons i should have let the whole issue lie. So we are barely communicating at the moment. I've really been concentrating hard on work, to take my mind off everything.

Sorry Matrix, this is a long-winded, rant, sound-off blah, blah, but I've been carrying it round for so long maybe I've now got it off my chest.
MG will say to OH you've got all the stuff and ask him to get in touch, I cant guarantee what the outcome will be though, he isnt very communicative at the moment.
Am sooooooo sorry for the long ramble.

Cheery_Daff

(((((((((((fantasia)))))))))))) gosh what a difficult situation for you all I know hardly anything, of course, but I would say ABSOLUTLEY you did the right thing stepping in - think what it would be like if it was you being abused as a child - I reckon I'd be incredibly grateful for someone stepping in.

As for whether you've stirred up a can of worms - well, again you've done the right thing by suggesting the person looks at their records. Just because other people are now saying it didn't happen doesn't mean it didn't. And yes, I reckon you need to find some peace for yourself - and if that means counselling then yes, you should go for it. Of course it's difficult to let this go, don't beat yourself up about it, this is a *huge* thing, in your life and in that of someone else.

Get what help you need Fantasia, and hopefully as you find peace your relationship will blossom again. Must be difficult for both of you - but you did the right thing. I'm sure the other person is grateful that someone finally told her the truth. Look after yourself xx

OliveOyl_2

Fantasia, IMHO I think you've done exactly the right thing at both points.

But I'm concerned at the damage this has done to you and OH's relationship. Slightly concerned that you may have stirred something up for OH? His reaction seems a little OTT.......


((((hugs)))))) for all this has stirred up for you.

crickett1234

Fantasia, can't really say much other than.... (((HHHHUUUGGGSSS)))

robsmum_2

Fantasia: You have done exactly the right thing! Hugs to you for all this has stirred up for you.

I've worked with children who have been abused and the subsequent denials and mud throwing is par for the course(sadly) - my take on this is that people are so nasty because they feel guilty that they didn't report the abuse.

Please don't feel guilty but do get yourself some help- either counselling, chat with your GP or a neutral trusted friend. You need to off load this because of how it's affecting your life.
Good Luck and take care.xxx

Kittikins

(((((((((((fantasia)))))))))))) you did the right thing, take care of yourself xx

re: weightloss, can we have something on here please? I can't get into the other side, even tried setting up a new profile as the site told me to and it didn't work for me

tenmah

Can't add to what the others have already said, but ((((hugs)))) to you for what must be such a difficult situation. However, know in your heart you absolutely did the right thing. Even if it had been proved to be incorrect information, the thought that there might have been abuse going on would have meant you were doing the right thing and the fact it turned out to be correct (despite the denying going on now) meant you saved a child from hell, because there was a possibility that abuse could have escalated to who knows what.

InaPickle

fantasia322 wrote: »

Am sooooooo sorry for the long ramble.

Don't you dare apologise: and I mean that in EVERY sense!

Fantasia, you did ABSOLUTELY the right thing in reporting the abuse. I'm quite sure that the abuser is happy to sling mud at whoever - particularly you, who had the guts to stand up for a defenceless baby - as (s)he can't take responsibilty for his/her actions. The only thing that matters is that your conscience is clean, and that the person who was on the receiving end of the abuse can see that you did the right thing. Hold your head up high for doing what you did, and if said victim ever comes to you with questions, answer them honestly and truthfully as (s)he will be weighing up everything in his/her mind and will come to their own conclusion, and if there is paperwork to back up your version of events (which there evidently is), (s)he will only be able to come to the conclusion that you did the right thing, unless (s)he is seriously messed up in the head. This might take some time, but unless it has messed them up in the head, I can't see how they won't realise the truth.

I could mention an instance in my family that took 20-odd years for the truth to be realised* (not a question of abuse, per se, but of blatant lies leading to broken relationships), but in the end, the person who caused all the trouble has justifiably been left high and dry. I imagine that this will happen in this case, too, given time.

*Hugs* Well done on doing the right thing. You wouldn't have been able to live with yourself if you had not. :T :T :T :T :T

*Just to point out: the person doing the lying wasn't in my family, but the person being lied to was.