Regular Ramblings from LookingAhead

ZTD

LookingAhead wrote: »

Be warned....this is a ramble and a half!

Like none of us have been guilty of that... :whistle:

LookingAhead wrote: »

but having to find extra cash because of some little scrote just p***** you off. Well it has me anyway.

It does anybody.

LookingAhead wrote: »

Something snapped and I just thought "I can't win financially, I just can't do it - life is always throwing a load of sh*t at you so why bother trying?"

You can do win. You know why you can do it? Because life has thrown a load of shiit at you - and you know what? You've dealt with it.

Life doesn't stop throwing shiit at you when you throw the towel in. It's not a boxing match. Nothing changes when you lie on the floor and the towel is lying beside you. All that happens is that you're bent over and given it good and hard :eek:. But that's not going to happen, because you're still standing and fighting.

LookingAhead wrote: »

I'm still conscious of the fact that I can't return to the place I was in November 2005 (light bulb moment!). No no no.

But, I just feel like the fight has gone out of me.

It hasn't. The fight is still there. You are still fighting - just not as hard as you know you could. You have lost things - a little bit of hope, and a little bit of confidence. But the fire is still within you.

LookingAhead wrote: »

I can't see the point of scrimping every penny and having a boring life for months on end to make a bit of headway just for something sh1te to come along and screw it all up and set me back months.

But only months. You can recover from this. If you had carried on the way you had - that setback would have finished you off.

ALSO FIND A BALANCE! I've said this before...

LookingAhead wrote: »

I know I'm whining and I know there are people with worse debts than me - people with worse lives than me. And believe me I feel for them and I *still* have to thank my lucky stars. Right now though, to be honest, I just feel like moaning about my life! If that's OK!

It is OK. It has always been OK. If people just came on saying what a wonderful day they'd had - it wouldn't be DFW, it would be Stepford Forums.

That's what I have problems getting through to people. It is OK to biitch about stuff, because it draws other people out who it has happened to and says to them "You are not the only one". Not being the only one brings a sense of community and belonging.

LookingAhead wrote: »

I saw a post by Minnie Spender earlier, she said she missed the old stalwarts - myself, Moozie & Freebird were named. It made me feel a bit sad because I really want to be part of this community - but I can't offer anything at the moment. Or at least that is how it feels. I do pop on and contribute a little bit but my heart isn't in it because I'm doing really really badly.

For God's sake woman! Every time you come on even if it's to laugh at SS's "genitalia problems" it is contributing! If it's to say I hate junk mail offering loans - it's contributing! Or even my life is shiit and I'm feeling really down - it's CONTRIBUTING! Can you not see that? You are contributing to the general supportive culture of this board!

So don't be a stranger...

LookingAhead wrote: »

I work with someone who has so much luck with money. I mean we're talking grants, finding money hidden away (purple notes here not just a few quid!) winning stuff...I'm really really jealous!

Don't be. There will always be people better off than you in whatever department you care to name. Who cares? You can't be them, you can only be you. Trust me, being you is the most important person you will be, and it's a job only you can do.

LookingAhead wrote: »

When God was handing out the financial luck/savvy I tell you , I was off at the short legs and big ar5e queue. Some deal that was. A *bum* deal. Ho ho.

At least you got a bum deal (I must declare a conflict of interest here: I like large well-shaped bottoms, so stop talking about them ) - I got short legs and a tiny arrse. So what? My health is shiit. So what? Can't change it - I'll worry about the stuff I can.

I like to think I'm good in bed, so that's one department I excel in: Self-delusion. :rotfl:

LookingAhead wrote: »

Well it's not true to say I don't get any luck......I found £1 in a trolley the other day, someone hadn't got their pound coin back when they deposited their trolley - I was ecstatic! :rotfl:

So you are having some luck.

LookingAhead wrote: »

I'm probably glossing over any good things that have happened to me of late - cos I feel so down.

You will be. List them.

LookingAhead wrote: »

There are people out there no doubt reading this with so much on their plates who might want to slap me, people with real issues to deal with.

Nobody wants to slap you. Your issues are real issues - let's cut the "I'm not important" thing. Everyone is important.

LookingAhead wrote: »

They would tell me that this is a temporary blip and that if I just get a hold of things, it'll be OK. I guess they would anyway.

Is that "Guess" as in offer the most statistically probably outcome? Or "guess" as in offer the outcome that will reinforce my emotional state?

LookingAhead wrote: »

But I've had so many "temporary blips" that you could string them together like a paper chain! I just have to face up to the fact I think, that I'm cr ap with money and probably always will be!

Again - so what? I'm crap talking and socialising with people. But I just go out there and keep trying, and try to avoid looking down trying to bring into existence that hole to swallow me up, by the power of sheer thought.

LookingAhead wrote: »

God I wish I'd gone & got that Chablis!!

Naah - you want those boxes. Blue Nun I believe... :rotfl: :eek:

taxi73

Hi LA ...sorry you are feeling so down....I cannot say anymore than ZTD has said as all that person says is true ...you have conquered so much and are a real inspiration to everybody on here...do not think otherwise...we all have to let off steam...where better than here after all these are our diaries and life is never simple is it?...you should come on here no matter how you feel...it's all part of the process of becoming debt free and we are all here for you...:A :A :A :A ..you have helped loads of people on here...we are a community let us help you as well..we are all here whether you want to laugh or cry

Annie_Fanny

ZTD wrote: »

That's what I have problems getting through to people. It is OK to biitch about stuff, because it draws other people out who it has happened to and says to them "You are not the only one". Not being the only one brings a sense of community and belonging.

I wholeheartedly agree. Biitching is going to toilet for the brain. I enjoy nothing more than a good biitch - it makes me feel so much better. It's a necessary release and cheaper than therapy! I also like flicking v's (in the privacy of my own home) at whatever or whoever is at the top of my !!!!!! LIST! It is all about fighting and rallying your inner strength. Of course you are mad at the twonk that stole your stuff - scr*w them - but try not to let it steer you off course - that person may be in debt too with a massive drug problem. I wouldn't want to live their life - no way jose!

Don't worry you are doing really well.

Take pride in what you have achieved so far.

hypno06

Hi Hun, now, it is a bit too early in the day for a glass of wine, but go and get a cuppa and take a deep breath. Then sit down with a bit of paper and a pen and write down all the things you have achieved since LBM a couple of years ago. These don't have to be just DFW stuff - life is about so much more than that.

Once you have written them down, give yourself a pat on the back and be proud of what you have achieved.

OK, so there is still a way to go, but wouldn't life be boring without a challenge or two.....! At the moment in my DFW life, doors seem to be slamming in my face. So what do I do, I go looking for more doors, even though I now have a rather bruised nose.....One of those doors sooner or later will take me through to the next room.

And as for the short legs and big !!!!! queue - I was in the same queue but some git changed the signs around - I swear it originally said "Amazonion beauty, pert boobs and bum and legs up to your armpit queue". I did demand a refund but the Sale of Goods Act had not yet come into existance.

Stay strong, and keep on rambling. Please x

(BTW, not only have I got tickets to see Madness, but I have now got tickets to take DD to see Girls Aloud for her birthday - now that is something to feel sorry about.....)

LookingAhead

Just a quickie to say thanks to everyone who has responded and offered a different perspective/advice.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Oh and AF = I loved the "toilet for the brain" thing :rotfl:
Hypno, I'm really truly sorry you have to go & see Girls Aloud :eek:

immoral_angeluk

LA just wanted to give you massive virtual hugs and say that YOU ARE part of the DFW community and the whole point of this board is that there are people here pretty much 24/7 who know what you're going through and are here to support you when things go wrong. No-one is 100% DFW 100% of the time we all have our weaknesses.
I want to go to and make a list of all the good things that have happened to you since your LBM. I want you to write as many as you can no matter how small and I want you to pin it up on the wall by your pc and look at it at least once a day and remind yourself just how far you've come.
:grouphug:

tesuhoha

LA, I know how you feel. Ive had setback after setback this year, dentist, OHs necessary tools (£250 this week :eek:) DS 18th (this week) Corgi Registration (this month £205), expected but not afforded. Also last month daughter's deposit for uni rent (400). It knocks you back some but you have to go on trying; you have no alternative. You just have to try to have a bit of patience (although i know its so hard) and the time will go and you will get there in the end but if you give up you will never get there or if you give up and have another lightbulb in 2 years say, you will think, I would have been debtfree/almost debtfree by now if I hadnt given up. Cant think of anything else helpful except to say, cheer up, what's done is done; you can't do anything about it; you just have to accept it or go mad. Dont be bitter about the little scrote because his day will come; what goes around comes around and lets hope its soon. We should feel sorry for him for being so ignorant and such a pathetic excuse for a human being. LA, this is your new starting point; turn over a new leaf and start again. Good luck and I do hope you feel a bit happier soon as you have been down for quite a while now. Love Tes xxx

LookingAhead

Just a little update to say I am feeling a bit happier now though just by typing that, a butterfly will now flap its wings in Brazil and cause that little extra bit of wind that will spread east over the Atlantic, building momentum as it goes...stopping only when it reaches East Anglia after roaring across the Fens where it will blow the lamppost outside my house over which will fall on the house causing damage to the roof.

Or something.

But anyway, just for the moment I have cheered up a bit.

I didn't do the writing anything down (not that it wasn't a good idea I_A in fact it is excellent) but just because I've been so busy and also very negative so I just didn't have time and wasn't in the right frame of mind to do it. When I get into one of those moods I'm afraid I am monstrous. Just be thankful people that you only 'know me' virtually and not in real life. I swear you *would* want to slap me.

But just to show that I am improved I will make a little list now. OK here goes. Since my LBM I have:

1. Cleared a £500 overdraft on a First Direct "Spending" account and closed it.
2. Began EBAY-ing and Amazon-ing whenever I had/have anything suitable to sell.
3. Cleared all my credit cards (3 in total) which I think all came to three or four thousand (I forget now...don't want to remember!)
4. Discovered QuidCo & Pigsback and have made useful amounts through these websites.
5. Have started cooking things from scratch which has reduced the shopping bill and we eat healthier too.
6. Got rid of my car and BF has his own now which I do not maintain.
7. Started being a bit more OS around the house to save money too i.e. reducing washing powder & conditioner, using star drops, soda crystals. Always drying on the line or radiators where possible and not using tumble dryer (it's practically knackered anyway!).
8. Started freecycling - have only 'given' so far but that's fine, it helps others who may be in debt themselves and helps de clutter the house!
9. I get a lot more lifts now or offer to drive rather than drink a lot/get taxis which saves a lot of cash. Or just don't go out! :rotfl:
10. Resurrected my shopping in charity shops habit. (But not exclusively - I also try to shop for items in sales everywhere I go in town!) But I don't shop as much these days obviously.
11. Save coppers & 5ps and pay them into the bank every couple of months rather than use coinstar which we did before.
12. Keep my Excel spreadsheet totally up to date (I use it every day!)
13. Am totally honest with friends & family about Christmas and just don't really 'go there' as far as presents go - cos I just refuse to get more into debt because of it!
14. Buy text bundles as they are better for me on PAYG.
15. Get lifts to work where possible to save bus fare (and help them reduce their carbon footprint ).
16. Try & use Orange Wednesdays for cinema trips if I go.
17. Cutting back on all utilities i.e. turn lights off when leave the room, use economy wash cycle always (or rinse cycle if something just needs 'freshening' i.e cardi jacket things), make sure the heating is only on when it needs to be...I'll put a jumper on far more quickly these days!
18. Buy what I *need* (mostly) rather what I *want*.
19. Get samples of things when I can which can get you through a tight spot i.e. washing powder....when you just haven't got the cash for a few days and you need to get something clean!
20 Shop around for best bargains where possible/look for BOGOFs for things I do *use*.
21. Always open minded about hints & tips on here.
22. I repair things now rather than throw away - where possible.
23. Sacked the window cleaner (he was rubbish anyway) and bought a cleaning kit from B & Q and have started doing it myself.

Am I getting a bit desperate now...???

24. Use free Orange site texts in the month for quick messages.
25. Use email a lot to save phone bill.
26. ALWAYS take home made lunch to work.
27. Switched gas & electric via Uswitch (via QuidCo!) last year. May do it again soon too but need to check how npower are doing competitively.
28. Negotiated with water suppliers not to increase my monthly direct debit as much as they said they were going to. A small victory!
29. Told npower to stuff their direct debits and now we only pay for what we use (and we're frugal). Don't talk to me about the annual saving they offer you if you pay by DD as it's all irrelevant if they're taking tonnes more off you than they need to and building up a nice healthy credit in *their* bank account. GRRRR don't get me started!

OK I think that's it for now! But I guess it's quite a long list isn't it? My overdraft lets me down but hey, I'll get there.

Thanks I_A, I feel good for typing out that little lot but tell me, what do you think?



PS
30) I *budget* a hell of a lot more!!

ZTD

LookingAhead wrote: »

Just a little update to say I am feeling a bit happier now though just by typing that, a butterfly will now flap its wings in Brazil and cause that little extra bit of wind that will spread east over the Atlantic, building momentum as it goes...stopping only when it reaches East Anglia after roaring across the Fens where it will blow the lamppost outside my house over which will fall on the house causing damage to the roof.

Tall lamp posts in the fens...

Or short houses...

LookingAhead wrote: »

Or something.

More like something not covered by insurance - like a horse sitting on your car. Yes it has happened - but not to me...

LookingAhead wrote: »

OK I think that's it for now! But I guess it's quite a long list isn't it? My overdraft lets me down but hey, I'll get there.

You should print that list out and stick it near your computer.

Don't worry about the overdraft. These things take time, and you've done so much already.

kathfisch

LA, i'm glad to see you're feeling a bit more positive now and able to write such a long and impressive list! :T

I know exactly how you feel about not belonging or not being able to contribute or whatever when it comes to dfw. I'm not in debt any more but, such is life, I will be again soon. And then hopefully out of it 4-5 months later.... only to be back in it again, round and round... that's just the way it is at the mo. I'm living on not much and trying my best to apply dfw principles, but I still feel like a fraud because my debts aren't up there at the level of others.

But then I get into a conversation on here and I realise it really doesn't matter, we all have something to contribute. I'd argue that you have lots of very useful experience and insight to offer precisely because you feel like you're struggling sometimes and really wrestling with money issues in relation to your whole life (not just the sums IYSWIM?). We all falter sometimes, we all feel like giving up and spending tons, sometimes we even do it.... but not all of us own up to it here and really try to understand what's going on inside ourselves as it seems you are. To me there's an aura of 'perfection', a 'hardline' and uncompromising approach to dfw, that surrounds this board. That's no bad thing... that's what the lightbulb moment is all about... but it can make us (me) feel like its not ok to slip up, like we have to be perfect.

I don't know what i'm trying to say (waffle!) except that there are other people here who feel the same and who don't mind when you need to write all the negative stuff cos it makes us feel a bit more normal As ZTD says, if we were only here for the positive stuff dfw would be a pointless and pretty dull place!

Kath x