Now I am beig unreasonable - but can't help it!

patchwork_cat

I am going to get slatted for this, but maybe your DH has a point about the abortion. You have mental health issues, as does your DH and your DS. Do you really feel that it is best for everyone to have another baby that may also have mental health issues? Even failing that the amount of stress etc.

belfastgirl23

lookingforsun wrote: »

So if I continue I will lose him almost certainly, and I know that everyone thinks I should abort, but having seen that little heartbeat - I just can't stop crying.

who is everyone??

ladymarmalade1970

The only person who can get you out of this horrendously damaging situation is yourself. This is going to sound REALLY harsh but maybe because you can't leave situations like this that is why your son is like that? You have another child and another one on the way and you all deserve happiness. If you stay with this PIG of a man then your children will be severely damaged as they will think that it's ok to let people treat them like this! How would you feel if a man was like this with your daughter?
Please phone the Samaritans, make yourself a list of what you have to do and start doing stuff. Crying about it on an internet forum isn't going to do anything at all.
What is your little girl doing right this moment? Why don't you take her to a park, clear your head then come back and make that phone call. There is loads of support from various forums so you never need be alone.
I can't really say anything else other than what does he have to before you see sense? Start hitting you or start emotionally damaging your daughter too??? You HAVE to leave. You have children to look after and yourself so therefore you have no choice...
xx

dearbarbie

those are his reasons? dumpable offence.

stop being a doormat!

balletshoes

lookingforsun wrote: »

Thank you. I honestly don't know why it is so hard to just make the move. Sometimes life isn't really so bad, and we seem to get on.

At this present moment in time I'm unable to think clearly - as I said I spent last night awake, and had hardly sleep... for someone with bipolar that is very dangerous, and has led to manic phases in me. This morning, after the police rang, I decided to go to bed, and at that exact moment DD woke up... I was so, so tired that I was grumpy with her, I told her to go back to sleep & that she was being horrible... I can't believe what a monster I am, I almost want to just leave her, as I can't believe i could be grumpy with her... and she just smiles at me. I am, however, angry with my son, he seems to view disappearing & worrying a great deal of people, as nothing to be concerned with.

I did go for the scan today. I saw the baby & the fast, flickering of it's little heart. DH came in with me, but didn't look at the screen. This has upset me more than ever, as DH didn't want his first wife to abort her baby (she didn't know the father) and was attached to it. He told me he wanted lots of kids with her. He also tells me that he may, in the future, want more (and I'm 40, so not with me).

His reasons for terminating are - that I had a caesarean last time, and my uterus may open; that I got too fat with DD; that he doesn't like sex with me pregnant (he refuses now); and that he may have an affair; our daughter will feel pushed out (on the contrary both our sons have been negatively affected by being only children).

So if I continue I will lose him almost certainly, and I know that everyone thinks I should abort, but having seen that little heartbeat - I just can't stop crying.

The reason I'm with him is quite simple - I'm insane! I keep repeating the same mistake over & over, hoping for a different outcome. All I've ever wanted was a family - a husband & a couple of kids, it's always eluded me, so now I'm trying to convince myself that I can make it work...

And finally - yes - the irony of seeing DH play happy families with his DS, whilst being so detached from our unborn, isn't lost on me. I know (logically) that his son is in no way to blame, or responsible, but in all honesty I'm growing to resent him. I know it's wrong - but I cannot help that I feel that way. He dotes on his son far more than on our DD, in fact he talks nicer to him.

OP look at what you're writing - really, read this post of yours back :eek:. If you can't honestly see what a complete tw*t (and I don't mean twit) your OH is, and that you'd be better off without him in your life (well as far as possible, as you have a child together and one on the way), then I'm beginning to despair for you all.

you say you get on most of the time, yet your DD is treated worse by her own father than his son is (not to mention all that bo**ocks from him about how it will be all your fault if you stay pregnant and he cheats on you because of it :eek:).

If you can't make the break from him and his seriously skewed views on life for you, can't you do it for your children? Do you want your daughter growing up with her own CPN, due to what she's learned in her family life? If you stay with your OH, no matter how much you rant on here about his ways/attitude/actions, you are showing your daughter that all of that is okay and acceptable behaviour in a partner/husband.

Is that okay with you??

You already know, because you've lived it, that you can be a family without having your husband as part of the picture - when you were alone with your son, you were a family.

Nimeth

lookingforsun wrote: »

Thank you. I honestly don't know why it is so hard to just make the move. Sometimes life isn't really so bad, and we seem to get on.

At this present moment in time I'm unable to think clearly - as I said I spent last night awake, and had hardly sleep... for someone with bipolar that is very dangerous, and has led to manic phases in me. This morning, after the police rang, I decided to go to bed, and at that exact moment DD woke up... I was so, so tired that I was grumpy with her, I told her to go back to sleep & that she was being horrible... I can't believe what a monster I am, I almost want to just leave her, as I can't believe i could be grumpy with her... and she just smiles at me. I am, however, angry with my son, he seems to view disappearing & worrying a great deal of people, as nothing to be concerned with.

I did go for the scan today. I saw the baby & the fast, flickering of it's little heart. DH came in with me, but didn't look at the screen. This has upset me more than ever, as DH didn't want his first wife to abort her baby (she didn't know the father) and was attached to it. He told me he wanted lots of kids with her. He also tells me that he may, in the future, want more (and I'm 40, so not with me).

His reasons for terminating are - that I had a caesarean last time, and my uterus may open; that I got too fat with DD; that he doesn't like sex with me pregnant (he refuses now); and that he may have an affair; our daughter will feel pushed out (on the contrary both our sons have been negatively affected by being only children).

So if I continue I will lose him almost certainly, and I know that everyone thinks I should abort, but having seen that little heartbeat - I just can't stop crying.

The reason I'm with him is quite simple - I'm insane! I keep repeating the same mistake over & over, hoping for a different outcome. All I've ever wanted was a family - a husband & a couple of kids, it's always eluded me, so now I'm trying to convince myself that I can make it work...

And finally - yes - the irony of seeing DH play happy families with his DS, whilst being so detached from our unborn, isn't lost on me. I know (logically) that his son is in no way to blame, or responsible, but in all honesty I'm growing to resent him. I know it's wrong - but I cannot help that I feel that way. He dotes on his son far more than on our DD, in fact he talks nicer to him.

Bold mine. Reading this thread, I don't get the impression that most people think you should abort.

You sound as though you very much want to keep the baby and as it's your body, it should be your decision ultimately. If a man had told me I was going for an abortion without having discussed it and decided it with me, I'd have clobbered him in the nads! If he's going to resent the child and you can't bring yourself to abort, you're better off without him.

Your DH treats you like a doormat and he plays favourites with his children, which will lead to your DD resenting him.

Taking that first step away from someone who treats you this way is hard, but each step after that gets easier.

SailorSam

sassyblue wrote: »

I don't see that.... maybe the OP is just desperate for someone to talk to? but l agree with the rest, it's about time talking stopped and action started.

I think you're right there Sassy, i'm sure we've all asked family and friends for advice about the same problem even though they told us what we should do a thousand times before.

Pee

I really think you should call your GP and ask for some advice. I was thinking that counselling might help you explore some reasonable alternatives with your DH because it is good he has a good relationship with his son and not fair on the son to hold against him the unfair treatment of your son. I do think your DH is being unfair to your son. I don't think the answer to this is to be unfair to his. There are threads on how to feed a family cheaply so the cost of the food need not be a problem.

On the other hand a man who feels you should have an abortion because he doesn't like sex with you when pregnant and might have an affair if he doesn't sleep with you for say twelve months and is worried about what weight you are...

I really think you should see a doctor, to arrange some counselling which could help you deal with the damage. Provided he said these things and you aren't thinking that is what he is thinking because of some action on his part, you should also be seeing a solicitor to look at your options going forward.

shellsuit

OP, if someone had come to you with the exact same problems as you, and asked you to help and advise them, what would you do and say??

SailorSam

lookingforsun wrote: »

All I've ever wanted was a family - a husband & a couple of kids, it's always eluded me,

I can understand that.
I'm on my own and would have loved to have met someone and had kids but ..
I think i'm better off by myself than with someone who didn't make me happy.