Now I am beig unreasonable - but can't help it!

liney

I'm sorry, but I just can't muster any sympathy.

You have married a man who has moved your son in with his Grandparents, and replaced him with a new baby?!

What are you thinking? Go and get your son, and start being a proper Mother. The baby can be in your room and your son can be in room two. Your SS can share with your son when he visits, or sleep in a sleeping bag in the living room.

Your son should be your concern, not how much your Step Son might eat for a few weeks. If your DH doesn't like it then perhaps he can find somewhere else to live too.

Your poor, poor son. How must he feel seeing you playing happy families with a new baby and his Step Brother comming and going as he pleases.

paddy's_mum

lookingforsun wrote: »

my husband thinks I'm having an abortion that day

I'm sorry but I've rarely been so shocked as I was by this line.

Lady, this comment tells everyone - and it ought to tell you! - that there is a helluva lot more awry in your relationship than how many weeks stepson can stay and who asked whose permission or where a telescope should be stored .....

In short? If there is so little honesty and communication between you on such a vital issue as the bringing into being a new life, I can't see that the marriage has a hope in hell's chance of ever functioning.

Craftyscholar

lookingforsun wrote: »

My Stepson is coming tomorrow, and will be here until Monday. I am furious with hubby for not talking to me first,

On the Monday I am seeing my midwife- my husband thinks I'm having an abortion that day... obviously I need to tell him the truth, but it's hard & I've been putting it off, now we won't have the privacy. Also his son always gets involved in our arguments

I do know & appreciate that he has a son. So do I. I don't appreciate how his son is allowed to just come when he wants - and for how long he wants - and I don't get a say.

I feel sorry for my son. He lives with his grandparents & doesn't come to stay with me (and I'm his ONLY parent now), yet stepson lives with his mum & gets to stay with dad too. Maybe I am being petty, but I just can't help how I feel

No you are not being petty.
Your OH has invited his son to stay when he thinks you are having an abortion?
He should be supporting you, not expecting you to watch him play daddy:mad:
How do your parents feel about this situation? And your son?

Ronaldo_Mconaldo

Come on, people. The OP is just an attention seeker. The other posts may be in different names but the same phrases keep coming up "whirl-wind romance" etc. The real gem of the piece was where she said that her OH going on holiday would save them both money because of all the ciggies he would buy. Comedy gold. I look forward to the next installment of your saga under a differwnt name.

If any of this is actually true then just leave him. Problem solved.

belfastgirl23

lookingforsun wrote: »

Thank you everyone, I am seriously considering your recommendations - it just seems so hard.

My Stepson is coming tomorrow, and will be here until Monday. I am furious with hubby for not talking to me first, as I do NOT want him here on Sunday - fullstop (and I really don't care if I offend anyone).

On the Monday (yes I know it's Easter Monday - but that is the date they've booked), I am seeing my midwife- my husband thinks I'm having an abortion that day... obviously I need to tell him the truth, but it's hard & I've been putting it off, now we won't have the privacy. Also his son always gets involved in our arguments

I do know & appreciate that he has a son. So do I. I don't appreciate how his son is allowed to just come when he wants - and for how long he wants - and I don't get a say. I also think that as his son made the decision to move out, then his should now realise that it is no longer his home, but he is a guest.

I feel sorry for my son. He lives with his grandparents & doesn't come to stay with me (and I'm his ONLY parent now), yet stepson lives with his mum & gets to stay with dad too. Maybe I am being petty, but I just can't help how I feel

It does feel like you're going round and round the same things. And keeping coming to the conclusion that you're being victimised. But you need to see that you have made choices here - and they aren't particularly good ones. YOU chose to move in with your husband knowing that there was no room for your son. You got pregnant. Twice. You've stayed with your husband despite him treating you badly and treating your son even worse. You're now choosing to stay with him even though he's harassing you into aborting a baby that it sounds like you want to keep.

YOU are making choices here. Yes your husband sounds like a nasty piece of work but YOU are choosing to stay with him. And to put up with how he is behaving.

What do you think he would do if you said you were leaving?? Would he put up a fight? because it sounds to me like he's making it very very easy for you to go - which might be a male way of acknowledging that the marriage was a mistake in the first place.

Have you spoken to your parents about any of this?

As a PS why do you keep saying you're being unreasonable or petty? Of all of the things people here are berating you for, no one is saying grow up and accept this situation. What we're all saying is that this situation is untenable even in the short term, never mind the long term. You aren't being unreasonable. You aren't being petty. So what are you going to do about it?

Sambucus_Nigra

OP.

What is it you want the people on here to say?

Your husband treats you and your son badly.

Your sister treats you badly.

You are bipolar and scared of losing your kid.

You've already lost one it would seem, because of your husband.

And you have another on the way.

You have had advice going back a fair while, and have not acted on it. So - are you after advice or just a rant?

sharnad

If it is real and the op is all four users then feel sorry for you go to council about getting own house divorce husband and get on with your life

ladymarmalade1970

If this is true you really do need to leave him. I will NEVER understand a mother putting her partner before her children. I don't mean to sound harsh but that is what you did when your son had to live with your parents and his son stayed with you both. There is nothing you can do about that now but you can dump this selfish man and move on with your life and show your children that you DON'T put up with selfish people and you ALWAYS put them first.
As for the abortion bit. You poor, poor thing. I honestly cannot comprehend how you can stay with this vile excuse of a man. If it is because you don't feel you are worth much you must realise that you will feel like this for ever if you don't leave him. At least if you leave him you will only feel bad for a finite period of time and then you can start building yourself back up.
Please leave him. xx

pinkshoes

Sorry to be harsh, but you need to stop being a doormat, start standing up for yourself, and be a proper mother to your son, the one that you dumped and replaced with a husband.

YOU, and YOU alone made the decision to choose a husband over your son. Any many that would ask me to choose between him and a child wouldn't be husband material in my eyes.

Now stop whining on an internet forum, and take some action. Put your foot down about DS. If you can't afford more food, don't buy any more. If you want your son to come and stay, invite him.

And why are you not having an open and honest conversation about this unborn baby? If he won't listen, then either make him listen, or leave, as your relationship clearly has no future.

It is NOT hard to leave. Pack some clothes in a bag, and go stay with your parents, on their sofa if needs be.

lookingforsun

pinkshoes wrote: »

YOU, and YOU alone made the decision to choose a husband over your son. Any many that would ask me to choose between him and a child wouldn't be husband material in my eyes.

Hi, I didn't actually choose my husband over my son, although I'm well aware that it appears that way & may be what I have writted - and to be honest, it IS exactly how I feel.

My CPN was the one who actually advised me to kick my son out. My son had fallen in with some sort of 'cult'. He was 'seduced' by an older, and very pretty woman member. She used to come round to my house, dressed in nothing but the skimpiest pair of shorts, or a tiny mini-skirt, and a low-cut, tight fitting top. She used to go into my son's bedroom under the guise of helping him to decorate (which they did do). She made me feel uncomfortable, but any attempt to discuss it, would provoke wild outbursts.

One day I arrived home to find my son gone, and a note from the woman to say he'd taken an overdose. Upon arriving at hospital I discovered that he'd asked the woman to take off her clothes and held a knife to her throat.

He refused to stop seeing the woman, and became increasingly violent. He punched me, tried to throw me down the stairs, broke furniture, doors etc. It was then that my CPN told me that he may be better off away from me. Then when I found out I was pregnant (before the wedding), my son's CPN said that if he lived with me when the baby was born, they'd have to do a risk assessment, as they weren't sure he would be safe.

Last night my son went missing. He phoned me to tell me he was jumping off a building, and rambled about nonsense. The police were called, they were here during one of his threats.. police helicopters were out, my DH went out, so did my brother. I spent a sleepless night.. he finally returned at 8am this morning - no explanation.

I have a hospital appointment this morning as I've been bleeding, but my husband now won't take me, as he's 'tired'. I'm really annoyed as I didn't sleep sunday night either (as DD decided to play up), yet I STILL have to be up now and deal with her - what if I wanted a lie-in (goodness knows I need one).

This is all true, and I fear that I may have now revealed too much, as anyone who vaguely knows me will recognise this (and my son's friends who were all woken at 2am by the police).