Leave OH? Advice please

goodgirl80

charlie792 wrote: »

It probably started before this, but the first time I really remember was valentines day, starting with snide comments about my hygiene or appearance - saying I don't shower/clean my teeth etc (not sure what planet he is on as I most definitely do) or he would start commenting on my clothes, or worse he'd just give me a disgusted kind of look and when I pushed him he'd come out with some comment about how stupid or disgusting I looked. I bit my tongue for a bit but it started becoming more frequent and to some extent almost obsessive. But it started to become the first or last thing he would say to me. Just two examples, I was saying goodbye to him at lunchtime (he comes home for lunch) and just as he was leaving he says 'your face is disgusting' - referring to a spot I had, and a few weeks ago, I bought a new jumper (the house is freezing so I wanted to be warm), litterally within 2 seconds of him walking through the door he said 'take that off you look ridiculous'.

This is not a relationship. Either he's a nutter or he doesn't love you. Probably both. THIS IS NOT HOW PEOPLE BEHAVE WHEN THEY LIKE EACH OTHER. Cut your losses and move on xxx

pearl123

Charlie, I presume you do know it is domestic abuse. And what he is doing is appauling. If you stay with him - then you allow the situation to continue -( it's like saying it's ok to treat me this way).

Have you told him how he makes you feel? I presume - you have. Does he appologise after an episode? Cause that can end up being a bit of a pattern. Upset..then he very, very sorry etc. To be honest, he sounds from your descriptionn very unstable.

If you are not happy and I don't think any woman would be with a partner who is so verbally vicious about appearance, clothing, things like washing up being left undone - then please ask a friend or Mum to help you out.

You can end up running around in circles trying to please bullying partners but in the end one end up ground into the ground.

There's no pleasing a bully - they have only got to pick the next thing on their list !
Phone your mum - and tell her clearly you've got a problem with him.

dearbarbie

charlie = hope you're ok

i see you posted on this:

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/42823800#Comment_42823800

babes, its not normal.

ps i see youre looking for a job and fresh outta uni. if you want me to help with your cv i can pm you my email address. i graduated 6 years ago (omg, that long ago?)x

LadyMorticia

This is abuse. Pure and simple and this tends to be just the beginning. My mum with abused by my dad. This is how it started. All the put downs. Then he ripped up all the clothes of hers he didn't like. Cut up skirts he thought were too short. Stopped her going out. Then he started hitting her and then it got worse from there. She managed to get an injunction against him in the end but only after she had suffered so much hurt and abuse at his hands.

OP, please get out. Go to a public place and phone your mum or a good friend. I really think that her texting your OH just shows that she doesn't understand the seriousness of the situation. Are there any children involved? Would it be better to leave when he's at work, so that there won't be a massive conflict if he sees you trying to leave?

You really don't deserve this OP and it's not your fault - not at all.

dearbarbie

Oh LM - how awful of you to see that happen to your Mum

Mojisola

charlie792 wrote: »

I packed some stuff and phoned my mum. My mum said I could go home and she would pick me up. Two hours later he comes in 'so your still here then' I said I was waiting for my mum, to which he informs me she's not coming. Apparently she text him or whatever telling she wants me to sort it (not just his side, I phoned my mum after and she told me the same thing), and said she would only pick me up if I seriously thought about it....Nice of her to tell me as Id been waiting all this time.

In the end I never got home.

When you get home, check with your Mum that he hasn't been contacting her and telling her lies about you and asking her not take you in because "he really wants to work things out with you".

LadyMorticia

dearbarbie wrote: »

Oh LM - how awful of you to see that happen to your Mum

I was only three when it happened but these things have always stuck with me. Now she has no self-esteem. She's only had one relationship since (and that didn't last very long) and she doesn't value herself. My mum and I don't get on (for a few other reasons) but I would never want anyone to feel like that.

dearbarbie

Mojisola wrote: »

When you get home, check with your Mum that he hasn't been contacting her and telling her lies about you and asking her not take you in because "he really wants to work things out with you".

my god! clearly your mum has no idea what's going on - can't you call her during the day and explain?
or stay with a friend?
there must be a way out.
x