Leave OH? Advice please

DVardysShadow

jackieglasgow wrote: »

I am surprised at the number of women saying he's using it as an excuse to get rid of the OP, that sounds like the furthest thing from this man's mind IMO.

I am concerned though that the OP will be like that poor woman a couple of months ago, and get so much advice telling her to leave that she never came back to the board, probably for fear of being told she did the wrong thing.

Charlie, you should know that no matter what your decision is and what you don, you will always find support on here, please don't be afraid to ask more questions, and for more help. x

Who knows what is in his mind - I sort of doubt that he knows himself. But the devious making her leave option is one of the more rational possibilities.

Apart from that, I agree with this post.

crispy_chris

I just wanted to echo the sentiment that you need to leave now. Things will only get worse if you don't.

pearl123

I would also advise you to get some work. If you are reliant on someone else for money in this case your boyfriend - he has then alot of control on what you spend and how you spend it. Getting a job will give you greater independance and freedom, which I suspect he would not like!
Don't be bullied. You sound a like young woman, with so much ahead of you - move on with your life.

RuthnJasper

Charlie, sweetie, I am SO sorry that this is happening to you.

One of my friends was married to a guy like this and she put up with it for over twenty years before she had the courage to divorce him on the grounds of his unreasonable behaviour. It totally shot to pieces her self-esteem and confidence (and finances - she spent @£4k getting her perfectly-OK teeth fixed because her OH called her 'horse-face' all the time).

No-one, apart from a few close family and friends knew what he was really like (he was never physically violent), as he was completely different in public and if anyone ever asked, he'd just laugh and say "Oh, ignore it, it's just her time of the month." or something similar.

If it were me, my bags would have already been packed and Jasper-dog and I would be on the next train home. In the end, only YOU can really decide. But you sound sensible and I'm sure you know what's what.

Whatever the future holds for you, I wish you lots of luck and I'm sure you will go on to find a decent man who will love and respect you properly.

Rxx

Britwife

You obviously know what you need to do. I have a feeling that he contacted your mum. Otherwise, why would she have texted him when you were the one needing picked up.

I have a feeling you would be welcome home but he is going to try and ruin everything in your life. Get away while you can and don't make excuses.

You can do this!

Flee_2

OMG you poor thing. My ex was the same. It made him feel better to put me down and treat me like I was worthless. You need to get out before he starts to wear you down completely.
Nobody should be treated like that, it is emotional abuse.
You need to sit down with your parents and tell them that you are being abused by him and either they help or you will have to live in sheltered accommodation (or something worse). You cannot stay there.

juliebunny

Hi Charlie

Not sure if you are on here and reading these replies but if you are please let us know you are ok (or on the other <superior:o> thread you know and love).

My tuppence of advice is to get out of the house with your boyf to have a discussion. I know it sounds naff but get into a neutral environment and try and get him to really open up to you about what he is thinking? Maybe he can't handle the responsibility of supporting you - a lot of men these days can't shoulder responsibilites - I was in a reverse situation.

I know you are job hunting - keep that up. As someone else said - once you get into an independant situation it will a) give you options and b) change the balance in your relationship.

Not sure about your parents from what you have said. Any friends around to help? Lucky the people on here who said their parents would rescue them no matter what. Mine wouldn't have and didn't because it would have interfered with their own relationships and lives!! I am now fiercly independant having left home at 15 and working a saturday/holiday job to put myself through A levels

Try and get a job where you can meet people and make friends, even if it's waitressing or whatever. You can keep looking for something better.

Plans_all_plans

juliebunny wrote: »

Maybe he can't handle the responsibility of supporting you - a lot of men these days can't shoulder responsibilites.

Even if that is the case: who would want a man like that anyway? I certainly wouldn't.

It would raise serious doubts in my mind about the future: what if I got ill and couldn't work? What if we have kids and he wants me to go out to work, when I want to stay at home? What if I want to study to better our financial situation in the long run? She'd have to put up with verbal abuse in all of these situations, as he'd just view her as some sort of dead weight who's not contributing.

The adult thing for him to do is talk to you if he is feeling financial pressure, or is unwell, stressed at work etc. No man in my life would verbally abuse their wife consistently even if their own life had gone to the dogs. I am lucky to come from such a normal, stable family background and this behaviour to me is shocking and appalling.

ladymarmalade1970

Everyone has assumed her mum will have her. She may not. Mine didn't.
OP, please find a friend or someone to stay with a.s.a.p. I am wondering if you have stayed with this "thing" mainly because you have had some family problems with your mum and stuff.
Sorry if i am wrong but even if i am, and i hope i am and that your mum will have you, you need to get out of there. He is spiteful and being extremely unkind and if you stay he will finish you off.
It took me 10 years to leave an abusive partner and he never once hit me.

peachyprice

OP, you've been on here this afternoon, have you been reading your replies this thread?
Could you let people who are concerned for your safety know that you are safe?