Leave OH? Advice please

Gigglepig

Could it be that your OH is behaving like this because he is fed up with you but doesn't want to be the person who breaks up, if that make sense? What does your OH think about your relationship and your future together?

Is there anything else which can have caused the change in behaviour; i.e. for example stress at work, medical issues?

I am sorry to hear that you feel trapped. My advice would be to consider how you can become more independent.

charlie792 wrote: »

I feel like Im going crazy but that I have nowhere to go. It seems my parents aren't that crazy about me going back there, infact twice in the past Ive asked to go home and twice my mum has done this to me.
I have nowhere else to go, I have no money, nothing - he has to pay for everything for me as it is - I already owe him so much as it is.
I feel totally trapped.:(

If you really are that dependent on him, he may perhaps resent it? He should not be rude and abusive towards you but if there is an underlying resentment that could explain why he gets angry about "small" stuff like washing dishes.

I'm only speculating here, but perhaps you'd both respect you more if you paid your own way. It may sound harsh, but if you are an adult, there is no reason why you cannot look after yourself rather than rely on your mum or OH.

So, my advice would not be to leave your OH straight away, but to try to solve any underlying issues (become more independent?) and then decide whether you want to leave your OH.

ailuro2

How old are we talking here, and does he have mental health issues? I think you should show your Mum this thread, she might know a bit more being closer to you both than us here on the forum, but it just reeks of him having a problem. Sorry.

pupsicola

You are suffering from abuse hun, plain and simple. It starts this way and almost always escalates. You are isolated and reliant on him financially. He knows it and is using it against you.

This next bit is going to hurt like hell to hear, did for me when I was told it. When he is being nice to you it is to confuse you, to make you question your judgement about when he is being monsterous.

You live with a Jekyll and Hyde character who gets a kick out of demoralising you and insulting you.

Be really brave, pack a bag and get out. Phone your parents and tell them you have had to walk out and are coming to stay. When you get there tell them everything.

No-one deserves to be treated the way he is treating you.

Your parents wont turn you away, they will want to help. My dad drove half way across the country to get me because when I finally rang and asked for help he could hear fear in my voice. He dropped everything and came for me, thats what parents do hun.

peachyprice

It sounds like it could be a mental health or drug issue.

But whatever it is, just go to your mum's, do you think she would turn you away if you were on the doorstep with nowhere else to go.

You need to get away from the situation and your OH needs help.

ILoveEoin

Please please pack a bag of all the important stuff like photo's etc and leave! turn up at ur mum's door and tell her everythin or show her this!!!! but do it NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DVardysShadow

Tigsteroonie wrote: »

OP, I can't help wondering on reading your post whether your OH is deliberately trying to drive you away for some reason? It's just that I'm getting the impression he is only nasty to you when he remembers to be so.

I am thinking along these lines too

Gigglepig wrote: »

Could it be that your OH is behaving like this because he is fed up with you but doesn't want to be the person who breaks up, if that make sense? What does your OH think about your relationship and your future together?

OP, I don't suggest hanging around to find out. At the moment, there appears actually to be no immediate physical danger, so just take some time to think through what you need to take with you, because I fear that the ugly turn comes when you leave.

Pee

I think the fact you are asking the question means that you have decided it's the right thing for you to do. From what you have said, I agree. i do however wonder if this sudden complete change might be based on something else, a stress of some kind. Eitherway, you need to get out and then, maybe, if he makes an effort, you could go back. I have to say this seems more than you should be expected to put up with, no matter what the problem is and it would be worse not better if you were more involved/ had children with him.

angelil

What are "normal circumstances" when they're at home OP? It sounds to be like this is scarily and increasingly becoming the norm between the two of you.

I personally wouldn't have moved in with anyone until I knew I could support myself financially; however, that doesn't help you much now. I can only agree with the others saying to stay with a friend or whatever (you must have someone you can stay with short-term surely?) until your parents are willing to collect you. All the best x

pupsicola

DVardysShadow wrote: »

I fear that the ugly turn comes when you leave.

This is very true, when you live with someone who is abusive you are at most risk of things turning ugly when you leave. You are breaking their control over you, thats what abuse is all about.

Dont phone anyone. Get your purse and phone, the bare essentials just to get yourself away and leave.

Get to somewhere where there will be alot of people, your nearest pub. Then call whoever you know who is nearest and tell them they have to come and collect you and that you need help.

Nimeth

I second the advice to pack your bags and leave for the nearest pub before calling a friend or your parents to come and get you. He is verbally and psychologically abusing you and you do not have to put up with that. At best, the two of you need time apart from each other or more likely you need to end the relationship for good.

Comments about your appearance and being lazy achieve nothing except to belittle you and damage your self-confidence. Chances are he's trying to exert control over you and your life, though I can only guess at his reason for doing so.