Leave OH? Advice please

Bloomin_Freezing2

I don't usually look at OP's other posts but in your case I did, I wondered what else you have posted about your OH as your username seems familiar to me.

So your OH told you not to take a job last week? Because it would have an effect on him?! he is totally controlling you! Sure you can see that? He is beating you down with his comments, and by being nice every so often making you think maybe 'he didn't mean it' or stringing you along just enough so you stay with him, then he can beat you down again.

And for what it's worth - I wouldn't get him a b'day present next week!

threemuttleys

OP, Please get out now. If you are anywhere near me, you are welcome to kip on my couch if need be. I think there is a link on here somewhere for womens aid etc

pupsicola

Bloomin_Freezing2 wrote: »

So your OH told you not to take a job last week? Because it would have an effect on him?! he is totally controlling you! Sure you can see that? He is beating you down with his comments, and by being nice every so often making you think maybe 'he didn't mean it' or stringing you along just enough so you stay with him, then he can beat you down again.

I was expecting but dreading something like the above being mentioned. OP you do realise the only effect you getting a job would have on your OH, is that he would be loosing control over you hun.

Suddenly you would have a little independance and wouldn't be reliant on him for money. You also wouldn't be isolated, but mixing with other adults. Most possibly as happens in working environments you may discuss your personal lives. Suddenly things may not seem as rosy with your set up and you might start questioning things your OH did and said.

He didn't want any of that to happen. You really need to get away.

pearl123

The truth is sometimes not easy - especially when you feel stuck in a situation. Pack your bags and go to your mums. That's what mums are for!

Now I'm sure he has his good points but he is not treating you at all well! And he does sound particularly freaky. Go find yourself a fun, kind man!

nzmegs

I once had a BF who was like this. When i finished university and got a good job it started going downhill. He would tell me my job was rubbish (it was actually very good) that they only hired me because my brother worked there (in another city) and that the job was out of my league....that didn't work as ai enjoyed my job. So he moved on to personal comments about me in genral. My degree was a waste of time, my friends were all morons and didn't really like me at all, I was nothing special becuase I had a degree and that being educated didn't make me better than him - I never thought that way but he clearly did. He even said he would burn all of my books and even threw some of my university stuff into the fire. then it was I dressed badly, couldn't cook, was untidy and on and it went. it wasn't until a few months later that he first hit me...and it wasn't until then that I had the sense to leave.

Could it be that your BF is worried about what might happen now that you are not a student and how that might open your eyes to the world. Getting a job and living independantly is the first step towards improving your self esteem and he won't like the idea of that at all. Find someone who can push you to do better and who will encourage you and give you good advice. yes compromises need to be made in a relationship - but there was no reason why you couldn't take on a job which isn't working with him. Ever thought he just wants to keep an eye on you?

sjc3

I have led such a sheltered life. Reading this thread has been a real eye opener to the kind of nuts you can get involved with. Thought I had, had it rough by dating a few idiots and kissing a few frogs before meeting dh. The way many of you have described your experiences makes me think I was very lucky. Its only since being on this forum that I have understood about dv and the awful effects it can have on someone.

EssexHebridean

Bloomin_Freezing2 wrote: »

I don't usually look at OP's other posts but in your case I did, I wondered what else you have posted about your OH as your username seems familiar to me.

So your OH told you not to take a job last week? Because it would have an effect on him?! he is totally controlling you! Sure you can see that? He is beating you down with his comments, and by being nice every so often making you think maybe 'he didn't mean it' or stringing you along just enough so you stay with him, then he can beat you down again.

And for what it's worth - I wouldn't get him a b'day present next week!

BF - please read a little more on the job issue before jumping to conclusions about it! Those of us who know Charlie from another thread where she is active were also all telling her not to take the job as it was utterly wrong for her (in her own opinion too!) and would have lead to her spending her working life hating what she was doing and probably ending up hating herself for doing it. Self esteen is sometimes more important than earning money! The decision for her not to take the job was not about her OH controlling her - she'd pretty much decided not to take it anyway and as I understand it talking that through with him was part of being in a relationship. Not saying his behaviour since is in any way right, but equally don't want to stand by and see people being quite that unfair when perhaps they aren't totally clear on the facts!

jinky67

sjc3 wrote: »

I have led such a sheltered life. Reading this thread has been a real eye opener to the kind of nuts you can get involved with.

You dont realise at first though, it creeps up gradually, you get the fantastic, then you get the good, then you get the crap mixed with the good, so you think, "oh but its not always like this, things will be better" sadly they rarely are

somethingsgottogive

Sounds to me like he's either up to no good or has realised he doesn't want to be in the relationship, and is basically taking the cowards way out and being an a****** to get YOU to leave HIM. Just get out of there, I can't see how you can say 'oh, he's so nice the rest of the time' when he's constantly emotionally abusing you? Get out!

jackieglasgow

I am surprised at the number of women saying he's using it as an excuse to get rid of the OP, that sounds like the furthest thing from this man's mind IMO.

I am concerned though that the OP will be like that poor woman a couple of months ago, and get so much advice telling her to leave that she never came back to the board, probably for fear of being told she did the wrong thing.

Charlie, you should know that no matter what your decision is and what you don, you will always find support on here, please don't be afraid to ask more questions, and for more help. x