My home is a mess

greensalad

I need a bit of advice regarding keeping my place tidy.

I moved into my boyfriends flat 7 weeks ago. For the first few weeks I didn't have a job, so the place stayed pretty tidy. But now I'm working full time and it's started to slip...

I'm trying my hardest to not only keep it tidy but keep going with organisation required. I was pretty good at only moving in things I really needed (decluttered before I packed) but my bf is not the same. He has a lot of rubbish.

I've managed to get him to organise some stuff but he is really difficult to get going. To the point that I've just started doing it for him and not telling him (and I feel kinda bad about throwing away his clothes without his permission, but seeing as it's been 7 weeks and he hasn't noticed...)

How do I get him motivated too?

For example, I wanted to sort out the wardrobe. It's a full triple wardrobe with a shelf above and was full to the brim. I convinced him to reduce his clothes by about 30% by going through them and telling him what he wasn't allowed (doesn't fit, not seen him wear it in 3 years, not sentimental etc) and we got it done. I had to go through all the boxes of crap he had in there... a printer that he hasn't used for 3 years! Bags with broken handles, god knows what.

My biggest problem is when I say "this weekend I want to sort out X" he moans. He works hard, as do I, but he believes that weekends are his break time, and he shouldn't have to do anything he doesn't want to. Irritatingly he also considers after work in the week to be his "relax time" as he's been at work all day... so when does it get done?

Another example, when he first moved into this flat last April (with another housemate, not me) I convinced him to do a clothes clearout. Four bin bags of clothes sat under the dining room table FOR A YEAR. It's a 5 minute walk to the charity shop. It wasn't until I moved in in April that I said it was time for it to go... and I ended up taking it down to the shop by myself (four trips).

pollypenny

Just back from hols and four loads for washing dried in minutes, it seemed, in a rare Welsh sun!

Glad everyone is plodding on, doing a bit! Good luck, green salad! Getting men to sort stuff is a challenge !

Glad work,is going well, Emm. Alec and YL you are working hard, too.

Emm-in-a-pickle

Hi Messies!

Dibuzz, well done on the clearout and I hope the painting is going well.
YL, sounds like you`ve been very productive there too - a bit of decent weather makes a difference, too.
PSSO - I`ve pondered about MP3 players, but never used one. I still use old tape cassettes!! I`ve got a fair collection of audio books on tape and almost know them off by heart now....

Alec E, well done on the early start - I`m not very motivated so early in the day, I tend to get going after I`ve had to be up early for other reasons though.

Greensalad, if your OH is anything like my menfolk it`s a mistake to give them advance warning that you have a task in mind...have you tried the surprise approach?

Pol, good to hear from you again, hope you enjoyed the hols. We used to go camping a lot when the kids were young, and there always seemed to be at least a week-long washing binge afterwards.

Well, I had an appt at Occy Health today, just routine, then a stream of folks popping in after I got home - `just popped in` - (why ME???) I think the nice weather has brought people out... Still, I have got a couple of floor rugs washed and dried, and cooked for tomorrow evening as well as today. Another early shift tomorrow, then off for the weekend. Hoping for an early night tonight, but I fear it`s too warm to sleep!

dibuzz

It's been too warm to paint, I'm not too steady on a ladder anyway and still feeling a bit dizzy on the new meds so I will get it done when the weather cools down a bit.
I will try to get the bookcases assembled when they arrive tomorrow but eldest is off next week so he will help if I need him to.

Emm-in-a-pickle

Hi all.
Another scorcher here - NOT conducive to de-messifying, at all,
(nor for wobbling about up a ladder with a paintbrush Dibuzz, I quite agree!)
I`ve done my early shift, called in farmshop on my way home and bought some salady stuff and fruit. (Fridge is now bulging with watermelon!) I`m so glad I cooked for tonight yesterday, so now I`ll throw a new potato salad together and we`ve got cold tandoori chicken portions. Yum.
Meanwhile, I`m just sitting around drinking lukewarm tea and enjoying not having shoes and socks on!

dibuzz

Bookcases and desk only arrived at 5.15 so when I'd picked eldest up from the station we built his desk, it looks really good and matches his room perfectly. He has pale green walls, black skirting boards and windowsill, black curtains and curtain pole and the desk is black. The black woodwork sounds awful but looks really good with the pale green.
He's going to help me with the bookcases tomorrow as we'd both had enough after building his desk and transferring his pc, monitors etc.

YORKSHIRELASS

greensalad wrote: »

I need a bit of advice regarding keeping my place tidy.

I moved into my boyfriends flat 7 weeks ago. For the first few weeks I didn't have a job, so the place stayed pretty tidy. But now I'm working full time and it's started to slip...

I'm trying my hardest to not only keep it tidy but keep going with organisation required. I was pretty good at only moving in things I really needed (decluttered before I packed) but my bf is not the same. He has a lot of rubbish.

I've managed to get him to organise some stuff but he is really difficult to get going. To the point that I've just started doing it for him and not telling him (and I feel kinda bad about throwing away his clothes without his permission, but seeing as it's been 7 weeks and he hasn't noticed...)

How do I get him motivated too?

For example, I wanted to sort out the wardrobe. It's a full triple wardrobe with a shelf above and was full to the brim. I convinced him to reduce his clothes by about 30% by going through them and telling him what he wasn't allowed (doesn't fit, not seen him wear it in 3 years, not sentimental etc) and we got it done. I had to go through all the boxes of crap he had in there... a printer that he hasn't used for 3 years! Bags with broken handles, god knows what.

My biggest problem is when I say "this weekend I want to sort out X" he moans. He works hard, as do I, but he believes that weekends are his break time, and he shouldn't have to do anything he doesn't want to. Irritatingly he also considers after work in the week to be his "relax time" as he's been at work all day... so when does it get done?

Another example, when he first moved into this flat last April (with another housemate, not me) I convinced him to do a clothes clearout. Four bin bags of clothes sat under the dining room table FOR A YEAR. It's a 5 minute walk to the charity shop. It wasn't until I moved in in April that I said it was time for it to go... and I ended up taking it down to the shop by myself (four trips).

Oh I sympathise, you could be talking about my OH. I have had to accept that I cant make my OH tidy, or make decluttering and organising stuff something that he will willingly do.

There are two approaches that work for me. One is just to accept that to a certain extent if I want stuff looking nice and tidy I just have to do it myself. So I would say to him, right I am sorting your wardrobe next weekend and I will decide what stays and what goes. If you want to help you can.

The other approach is to just say to him - on Saturday we are going to spend the morning sorting clothes out and then go and and do something nice in the afternoon. Its only one morning out of the weekend and I want you to help. Usually being direct like that works. Although it does feel a little like treating him like one of the kids!!

My OH doesnt see mess and clutter in the same way I do and thinks I bother about it too much. We will never agree on this and I have to accept that. I have to see it from his side of things too sometimes.

Not sure what the plans are today. DS1 being a bit "difficult" at the moment, which is hard. Lets hope he wakes up in a reasonably calm frame of mind. Saw the consultant yesterday and she was brilliant which is a real positive and she is going to chase up the mental health assessment which we have been waiting 6 weeks for.

Off to make another brew and get dressed I think! Have a good Saturday all x

pollypenny

Just done some shopping, Sainsburys £4 off a £20 shop, and back home.

Put a summer duvet on spare bed ready for visitors, now contemplating going to watch Wales v. South Africa at the rugby club.

Far too hot to iron the bits left over from my holiday mega wash.

Emm-in-a-pickle

Hi Messies!

Dibuzz, not surprised you`d had enough after the computer desk - just moving and putting back computer and its attachments is a nightmare of a thought, that`s why I`m put off the idea of a new desk!! DS is the one who Knows, I suppose if I had any clue which wire goes where I would clean under there more often too.

YL, hope things settle down with DS1, I`m glad your consultant is so good, it does help a lot doesn`t it.
Re the mess/clutter, I think you`ve posted wise words. Acceptance of what you cannot change and of the other person`s view of things is probably a lot less stressful than a running battle that you don`t win anyway. It may sound defeatist, but if you see the occasional bit of help with things as a bonus, it just might happen more often. Hopefully...

Pol, I`ve had a few of those vouchers for Sainsbury but most of the time I would struggle to find £20 worth of stuff there that I really want from there. On the other hand, the Morrisons thing where you spend £40 for 3 consecutive weeks and get a tenner off £40 spend the fourth week - that really works for me (so much so that I haven`t darkened Mr T`s door for ages!!) I still use Aldi for a few items, and my farmshop, but M`s is definitely my favourite supermarket at the moment.

I`ve got a half leg of lamb in a cast iron pot with a load of veg, on lowest simmer on hob, and we`re going to sit outside on the decking this evening with some wine - football avoidance here, definitely!

Hope everyone`s having a nice weekend, enjoy the football if that`s your thing or enjoy whatever measures you take to avoid it...

dibuzz

Son's computer is one he built himself and in an oversize tower case with extra fans so is heavy to move and he has 2 large monitors as well.
We've done one of the bookcases but the heart is getting to me so we are going to leave the other one till tomorrow.
I will put some stuff on it later and sort out which books can go to the charity shop.
Youngest 2 are out tonight so I'm going to have a bath and read in bed after tea. I'm starting to enjoy this learning to relax thing