Seriously need help...please :)

seven-day-weekend

RuthMarianna wrote: »

I have read right through this thread and I feel very sad. I am 57 and my children have all grown up and I have 1 grandchild. I have seen how things for mothers has changed so drastically. My mother was expected to give up work when she got married and she brought me and my brothers and sisters up on my fathers wages with no other help and while money was tight we had happy secure childhoods with Mum in the kitchen making dinner when we got home from school. We did not always go on holiday or have expensive gifts but we were happy and my Mum had time to teach us to cook and lots of others useful skills.

When it was my turn I stayed home with my children and only got nelp other than child benefit after my husband died when I got widowed mothers allowance. I tried to work but it was a nightmare with no available childcare so after a couple of years I gave up.

Now I see my daughter working full time with my grandson being cared for by us or nursery. My daughter does very well and likes to work but I see how difficult organising everything is. She never has any time to herself and is always stressed. I am proud of how she copes and my grandson is happy and well balanced but I just feel sad that we have lost something. Parents have to pay for others to do much of the parenting for them. I would like us to live in a society where parents and in particular mothers are valued for their role as mothers and the contribution they make to society. When we treat parenthood as a hobby that people do in their spare time we will end up with problem children in the future. I think women should go on strike from having children for a few years until mothers are valued and allowed to spend time as mothers without apology.

I have thanked your post because I agree it is important that parents (not necessarily the mother) bring up their child themselves and that it is an important role.

I do not agree that they should get State Benefits for doing so, they should budget accordingly.

(We brought our child up when my husband was a student and I did not work. We had a mortgage and usual bills to pay, so we did without a car and other luxuries, bought clothes from jumble sales, lived on lentils and took in lodgers to make ends meet. We did not have any State Benefits other than the ChildBenefit that everyone with a child had - about £10 a week I think it was).

SingleSue

It is still possible for the mother (or even father) to stay at home whilst the other partner goes out to work....but different choices need to be made. No posh holidays, no expensive cars, no replacing household items every 2 years when they don't need it, no putting purchases on credit cards etc.

One of the biggest reasons it was possible in the past to have a parent at home child rearing was because they were frugle, they made do and only replaced when it absolutely needed to be. My childhood holidays were not of exotic places, no, they were of camping in the cheapest sites my mum could find or staying at my paternal grandmother's house in Sussex, we didn't have a VCR until, well I had left home, our clothes were jumble sale or home made, the meals cooked from scratch.

My parents are still like that today, their television is not HD or even HD ready, it's the old style bulky television, their Sky box the original sky digital, not Sky+ or HD, their holidays simple.

I made the choice to return to work, not because of financial reasons but because I felt imprisoned...we were managing just fine on now ex husband's salary, which was not particularly high at the time. In fact, when I returned to work, my other colleagues would moan about not being able to afford things when their joint income was double and sometimes triple what ours was at the time!

But then, they also had a liking for new cars, expensive holidays, expensive clothes and a new kitchen and sofa suites every 3 years.........and we had more disposable income than they did as we had no finance to pay back.

Blue22

Bunii_Hugz wrote: »

The problem with that is I work full time, am 20 years old and have a 18 month old daughter, I pay my way and hers ...

But do you really pay your own way, or do you receive a large sum of money from tax credits.

Bunii_Hugz

Blue22 wrote: »

But do you really pay your own way, or do you receive a large sum of money from tax credits.

Yes I do pay my own way the only thing I get help with is nursery fees and thats not through CTC its through salary sacrifice

prosaver

if a child lives till at least 75 that would be 59 years of the kid paying tax and vat .
so you stay at home and bring your kid up and it will be the best thing you ever done and youll be really close to him /her.
why work ?

Bunii_Hugz

prosaver wrote: »

if a child lives till at least 75 that would be 59 years of the kid paying tax and vat

Hey everyone lets quit our jobs, breed and jump on the benefit band wagon !

Dont think about the here and now our kids can pay tax for us in the future ... hmm dont think you have to be the sharpest tool in the box to realise that simply isnt gonna 'fly' :doh:

eyeinthesky

RuthMarianna wrote: »

I have read right through this thread and I feel very sad. I am 57 and my children have all grown up and I have 1 grandchild. I have seen how things for mothers has changed so drastically. My mother was expected to give up work when she got married and she brought me and my brothers and sisters up on my fathers wages with no other help and while money was tight we had happy secure childhoods with Mum in the kitchen making dinner when we got home from school. We did not always go on holiday or have expensive gifts but we were happy and my Mum had time to teach us to cook and lots of others useful skills.

When it was my turn I stayed home with my children and only got nelp other than child benefit after my husband died when I got widowed mothers allowance. I tried to work but it was a nightmare with no available childcare so after a couple of years I gave up.

Now I see my daughter working full time with my grandson being cared for by us or nursery. My daughter does very well and likes to work but I see how difficult organising everything is. She never has any time to herself and is always stressed. I am proud of how she copes and my grandson is happy and well balanced but I just feel sad that we have lost something. Parents have to pay for others to do much of the parenting for them. I would like us to live in a society where parents and in particular mothers are valued for their role as mothers and the contribution they make to society. When we treat parenthood as a hobby that people do in their spare time we will end up with problem children in the future. I think women should go on strike from having children for a few years until mothers are valued and allowed to spend time as mothers without apology.

I am a similar age, and I am saddened that people have children without ensuring that they can afford them. I would be ashamed that I was unable to provide for my family, yet we have people having loads of kids, which the tax payer is expected to pay for. In this day and age it is inexcusable to get pregnant by "accident", when contraception is so readily available. Even then, a termination is an option which is refused by many, even though they have no means to support a child. This teaches the resulting offspring that the state will provide, and so the cycle repeats itself.

My own childhood was bleak by comparison, I have a sort of memory of a butlins holiday where I learned to walk, but I did not have a holiday until I was 14 years old, and that was a week in a caravan park.

I have worked since I was 15, and paid tax and NI, except for a total of 8 weeks, so at 58 I have paid a fair bit. I don't expect the state to pay for me, I still work and pay tax etc. I don't think it unreasonable to expect people to take responsibility for themselves and their families, and pay for them. If you can't afford children, then don't have them. If you cannot afford a lifestyle choice, then don't choose it!

Blue22

Bunii_Hugz wrote: »

Yes I do pay my own way the only thing I get help with is nursery fees and thats not through CTC its through salary sacrifice

You said you were a single Mum earning 11k so you would be entitled to a very nice sum in tax credits. But if you've chosen not to claim it is very generous of you.

prosaver

Bunii_Hugz wrote: »

Hey everyone lets quit our jobs, breed and jump on the benefit band wagon !

Dont think about the here and now our kids can pay tax for us in the future ... hmm dont think you have to be the sharpest tool in the box to realise that simply isnt gonna 'fly' :doh:

its funny how people forget the mps expensives

1. 'Flipping’ their addresses: MP nominates London property as “second” home, charges the taxpayer for furniture and refurbishment, then nominates constituency home so they can do up that one too.
2. Climbing the property ladder: MP renovates property courtesy of taxpayer, sells it on at a profit, then buys another property, renovates it, sells it and so on.
3. Council tax reduction: MP claims full rate of council tax on “second” home, paid by the taxpayer, then claims discounted rate on their other home, paid by themselves, by telling council this is their “second” home.
4. March madness: MPs who haven’t claimed the maximum permissible allowance during the financial year go on spending sprees in March to “use up” the remainder of their allowance before April deadline.
5. Last-minute repairs: Splashing out thousands on renovations just before stepping down as an MP in order to maximise profits when second home is sold.
6. Capital gains tax avoidance: Although second homes are subject to capital gains tax for the general public, MPs can avoid paying this when they sell their second home by claiming it is, in fact, their main home.
7. Claiming for the 'wrong’ address: Although MPs are supposed to nominate the home where they spend the least time as their “second” home, some claim their main family home as their second property, so that the taxpayer foots their large household bills, while their “main” home is a cheap rented room in a friend’s house in London or their constituency.
8. Long-distance shopping: MP buys large household goods, such as beds, wardrobes and armchairs, and has them delivered to constituency home, then claims they took them to their London home at a later date. Parliamentary officials rarely, if ever, question whether they are telling the truth about where the furniture ended up.
9. Maxing out: Until recently, MPs did not have to submit receipts for claims under £250, so many claim for £249 worth of cleaning, repairs or other services without having to provide any proof of what it cost them.
10. Binge eaters: MP claims the maximum £400 food allowance for every month of the year, even during the recess when they are unlikely to be away from their main home

and you think its wrong for a mother not to bring up her child?

SingleSue

eyeinthesky wrote: »

My own childhood was bleak by comparison, I have a sort of memory of a butlins holiday where I learned to walk, but I did not have a holiday until I was 14 years old, and that was a week in a caravan park.

My childhood was far from bleak....and we only had tents in a field for holidays!

It might have sounded bleak but we had so much fun, we may not have had many pennies to go around but by god we made the best of what we had.

I'm 40 now (dreaded 41 in 3 weeks) and the furthest I have been is Denmark....for a business trip. We still have holidays in a caravan in the UK and the kids love it, even though our weekly spending money is my housekeeping money (my ex husband would hate it), a day on the beach costs no more than a cup of tea, a night in the clubhouse 90p (3 x cordial plus one free water for me).

But bleak it is not.