Catspaw: This kittens got claws part 2

Lemon_Tree

you're welcome to real and virtual cake, but we had to hand back the allotment (felt like a weight had been lifted when we gave back the keys)

catspaw

ahhhhh, allotments are meant ot be enjoyed not be a burden, but I'll take you up on the cake.

This week I am focusing on DD1's birthday presents for next week when she turns 14, think I have most of them sorted and at a fairly cheap price so then I can start stocking up for christmas.

Managed a NSD yesterday but not today as have to pick up 2 books for DD1 and a couple of bits for the school uniform for next year........will have all that done in next 2 weeks.

Wednesday will be a NSD hopefully and another massive PAD to nearly clear the 1st fine.

This will be taking things to the bone but i HAVE to be debt free asap and that hopefully means end of next year. Not sure how but I need to be.

Much as I am trying to save things with OH I don't think the continuous sulks and tantrums and the always going with what he wants is going to do us any good in the long run.

He ruined Saturday and the kids didn't get to see their god parnts because of him and he is starting to loose it over little thigns with them ie leaving a CD player plugged in gets a smack and a 1 week grounding:mad:

catspaw

Things have and haven't gone to plan.

Managed another PAD of £50 so the car fine is slowly creeping down and I will clear it by next week.

The shopping for school shirts didn't quite happen. Wandered in mr T and soooooo many people I turned round and wandered out again:o I just don't do crowds.

DD1's birthday is creeping ever closer which means a horde of teenage girls sleeping over in a tent in the back garden, and 1 of DD2's friends also comming over.
Presents are all sorted though.

Not sure where I am with OH.
He is now suggesting that apart from my petrol money, I putt all my salary/CB/TAXC into the joint account. For bills, rent and treats for us.
The problem is, he wants it for the 2 of us not us and the DD's, which is not fair. OK, they can't exactly do a pub meal but it would be nice to take them out once in a while for a meal. And also it means I have no cash of my own. No money to clear debts /pay for car or even spend £2 on a second hand book.
He has also decided to ground DD2 for finding a lolly stick in the front room.

He has now decided to ground them if either takes food without asking...no snacks/toast/cereal without asking permission and I'm sorry but they should be allowed to eat if they are hungry.

Its mostly things over the DD's that are annoying me, his treatment of them has changed over the last few months.

Lemon_Tree

things don't sound good to be honest. If he wants you to put all your money in except petrol then he needs to pick up his share of the responsibility for paying debts which i'll bet he's not. What's he doing with his money? And if you have a joint account with everything going in then that includes more than just yourselves, it includes children!

grrrrr i really feel for you, i'd be giving him a piece of my mind, but then i was trained by my mother to hold the money cards after her first marriage experience!

the whole disciplining children is thankfully something i don't need to worry about, but you sound like you need to sit down and talk that through as well. Sorry i can't remember if they're both your children or if any are his as well. Memory of a gold fish at the moment.

Eager_Elephant

Hi catspaw

Just caught up and noticed you have not posted for a week.

Hope things are ok at home.

If my DH tells the children off and I think he is out of order I will tell him so, disciplin eof the children is always discussed.

I'm the same as Lemon Tree I can't remember if the children are his as well.

Reading your posts comes across as bullying to you and the children, this is not acceptable in a relationship.

((catspaw))

EE

Eager_Elephant

Have just been back to check and at the start of the diary you have called him your new man and that things were not working out even then, so I am assuming that he is not the father of your children.

It seems bizarre to me that your 'new man' is disciplining your children unless of course this has been agreed. I did not like my DH disciplining my son until he was about 6 (but DH had been with us since DS was 2) as I thought I should do that.

As for your 'new man' smacking your children this is assault and should not be tolerated - if he won't go then I'm afraid but I think you and the children need to go for your own safety.

EE

catspaw

He's definately not their father.

There are many things just not adding up now and in a way I can see where some of them come from as his father was an abusive alcoholic, yet I know that this is no excuse especially as he takes great pains to tell me he's not like his dad.

I now that I need to sort things or leave.:(

I was trying to keep thei diary more bout money saving yet I know that this is a secrure place to sound off if I need and sometimes I might just have to do that.

For the last couple of months he has been drinking too much, comming home and having at least 4 drinks before bed, he tries to pick arguements/fights with me most days, usually ovber the kids /money/the house.....that we don't clean enough and bookcases aren't in order, things left plugged in, kids rooms spotless, that he's the only one who cares and pays for things.....and it is definatelky a case that until I beg for forgiveness for being wrong...the fact that I don't disciple/hit the kids enough...the fact that whatever I say I didn't just say (as in he keeps 'forgetting ' what I said 2 minutes ago), and it is all my faulkt and I need to be disciplined, and end up in tears.
Once I admit everything is my fault and end up in tears he calms down.

Hang on, writing it all down it doesn't look that good, it looks psychotic come to think of it:mad:

He has decided that we are all off camping for a week, and that I don't need to ttake the kids on any days out as it means spending money (even with free entry), yet it is ok to keep buying camping kit. It is ok to do what he wants.....I feel I need to take the kids on days out when he is working shifts and have them lie and say we didn't go anywhere.

I can see some of his money ideas, ie we want to have cleared all the bills when we leave here and have extra for bond saved but, actually I can't see and it's starting to wind me up a treat.

All I have to do now is figure out how to save nearly £3K for rent and bond so that I can leave

On the money saving side of things I have everything worked out to what I owe nad will update my signature tmw to one BIG total. This also takes into consideration what my old landlord is saying I owe.

Lemon_Tree

sending you bug hugs, you really sound like you need them. It's not going to help you by me saying that you need to get out of that situation but i certainly wish i was closer so that i could help you. You have the right to talk through your thoughts and feeling on here, please don't ever think you can't post unless it's about money.

Eager_Elephant

Hi catspaw

I think you need to look at some websites regarding narcissistic people - it certainly appears that he is one of them.

How long had you known him before he moved in with you?

Why do you have to leave, could he go?

Could you get advice from your Local Authority Housing Department about whether they can help you find somewhere?

Your children should not have to lie just because he does not want you going out. He appears to be making their's and your life a misery.

Is there no friends that you could stay with in the short term?

((catspaw))

EE

catspaw

And I come crawling back, not because I haven't been MSE for a while but because I have been away camping/sufing/dorwning as the case may be.

We all went away for a few days to the Welsh coast where usually.....and note I say usually have some good surf:D not this time, flat as the proverbial pancake. but just enough for both DD's to get to their feet and learn.
OH did behave himself, he acutally paid and made suggestions for the kids.
You know sometimes I feel bad that I am thinking of leaving and that I might be paranoid about things having had seriously abusive relationships in the past and others I think that I need to do what is right by me and the DD's.
Is it a case that once he stops drinking as much and realises he is turning into his dad, a person he dispised he will change and be ok?? or am I just deluding myself.

The council can not help:mad: they won't unless you are homeless and then the nearest place they will put me is 50 miles away.

Oh well.

I have finally, finally added up the full total of the debts, and I know I might be out by £1K, as in over estimating the amount but if I work to that then any extra is good.

I am also starting to save, hopefully.

I have done some figures that mean I might be able to keep this place if I end up on my own, it would be very very tight though. I am looking at other property but I really like where I am at the moment and frankly I have had enough of moving. I have moved every 18 months since I left home MANY years ago.

Things can only hopefully get better:D

oh and my car blew up as I was leaving Wales, costing me £120!