Regret not haveing more children

euronorris

Jen151 wrote: »

Good luck with whatever you and your hubby decide to do. Just wanted to let you know that my mum had my youngest brother when she was 39 and he's 21 now, he's been a brilliant addition to our family! If anything had happened to our parents, my other brothers and I would have been able to step in and make sure our youngest brother was alright. Its not too late if its what you want

My Mum was 36 when she had me, as I am the youngest of 5. My Dad was 42.

I'm 28 now, and both are still around, but should the worst happen, I still have my siblings.

Also, my parents had something written into their will which would not allow the sale of the family home, before my 25th Birthday, without my agreement. So, if the worst happened and I couldn't afford a place of my own (or just didn't want to let go of the family home yet), I wouldn't be forced to. You could do something similar to ensure the newest addition will be looked after in your absence.

You may not have a large number of family members who could step in for you, in the worst case scenario, but what about close friends? You should discuss it with them first of course.

Bambywamby

I'm 39...expecting my second baby (my first is 20 on Friday ) and I don't feel too old...I feel fabulous.
You can't look on the doom and gloom side of things and say "if I only live to 60..." etc. It's what we do for our children when we are alive that counts not worrying about croaking before they are 20. Personally I intend to live until I am at least 90 anyway.

I have been with my OH for nearly ten years and he doesn't have any other children. A while ago we sat and had a chat and he said to me...when you're old and on your death bed, what will be your regrets. To which I thought hard and then replied...well I won't regret not being a millionaire and I won't regret never having a Porsche but I will regret not having another child. I suddenly realised time was ticking, I was broody and it was now or never for us.

And here we are...17 weeks pregnant and in a state of contentedness.

The question is: Will you regret not having another baby more than you would regret having another baby?

Whatever you two decide...good luck. x x x

POPPYOSCAR

Bambywamby wrote: »

I'm 39...expecting my second baby (my first is 20 on Friday ) and I don't feel too old...I feel fabulous.
You can't look on the doom and gloom side of things and say "if I only live to 60..." etc. It's what we do for our children when we are alive that counts not worrying about croaking before they are 20. Personally I intend to live until I am at least 90 anyway.

I have been with my OH for nearly ten years and he doesn't have any other children. A while ago we sat and had a chat and he said to me...when you're old and on your death bed, what will be your regrets. To which I thought hard and then replied...well I won't regret not being a millionaire and I won't regret never having a Porsche but I will regret not having another child. I suddenly realised time was ticking, I was broody and it was now or never for us.

And here we are...17 weeks pregnant and in a state of contentedness.

The question is: Will you regret not having another baby more than you would regret having another baby?

Whatever you two decide...good luck. x x x

Congratulations!!!!

POPPYOSCAR

onlyroz wrote: »

Isn't that exactly it though? You do the nappy changing bit, and the bit where you're restricted to places you can take a buggy. You enjoy it, but you think wisfully of the days when you might get a bit of a lie-in, or be able to go to the theatre when you want. And then you finally get to that stage and decide to have another baby - and go through it all again. Fine, if that floats your boat, but not for me...

I can't say I have done this.

If you really want to do something there is usually a way.Why do you always need a buggy anyway?, I often carried my baby in a carrier and my kids walked everywhere at a young age.

I can honestly say my kids have never made me feel the way you describe so it is not the same for everyone.

Bambywamby

Many thanks Poppy. x x x

susiebaby2011

I know a mother of twins who had them when she was 40 and she is the most positive, enthusiastic, fun mums that I know. Anyone could pass away at any time so really I don't think wondering about whether you'll live past 60 or even 80 really matters at the moment. It sounds like you are finding reasons not to make yourself happy. Just go for it.

Dinah93

Have you had a chance to talk to your OH Raiya?

tazzy2010_2

Hi will throw my story into the mix

My mum had me the day before she was 40 (my brother at 38) as both my mum and dad had been married previously.

When I was 2/3 my dad had his first heart attack. My dad passed away from his second heart attack when I was 18 - three months before I sat my A-levels. My mum and dad were still happily married at the time.

I had a fantastic childhood, my mum being a bit older had her career and happily gave it all up when we came along. I never feel resentful that my dad died, I feel extremely grateful for the time I had with him and wonder where I might be now if my parents decided 40 was too old to have the second baby they really wanted.....

I passed my a-levels. I went to a state school and college and got AAAB in 2002. I went on to get my degree and PhD. I think my mum is pretty proud of me and me her for the great start they gave me in life

property.advert

Personally I think having kids at 40 is, for many people, stupid; be that blunt or otherwise. For others it is the best time.

Strangely enough, those who say that having a mother who is 40 years older than you is fine, great, rewarding etc. are usually those who are themselves older mothers and thus simply want reassurance that their decision was the right one. From a child's point of view, it may well not be but hey, don't let the kid's reaction to an elderly parent dissuade you.

No-one is advocating having kids in the teens but mid 20s to early 30s are surely the most positive years. If you have a career then you have money for childcare. If not, then should you really be having kids in the first place ? The world hardly needs more mouths to feed. The welfare state sure as hell doesn't need them.

Very simply, the better off you are then the more options you have. Dealing with a job and a child at 40 plus is light years away from doing so a decade earlier. money eases that in so many ways.

If health and finances are in order and if education plans for the existing kids are fully funded with pensions for you both provided for then why not, if he agrees, but if things are not so great, then let it lie and enjoy the kids you have.

Mankysteve

Raiya wrote: »

I know 39 isnt "old" but personally to me i feel its too old for me to start trying for a baby.

Just reminded me about a short snippet in the guardian apparently the children of 40Year women are the most successfully.

But of course they are increased risk the older your are unfortunately.