Regret not haveing more children

pigpen

If you had a baby with your OH it could be looked after by one of your older siblings too.

The only thing I would say is that you speak to the people you might want to look after our child should you die... see if they are actually willing.. it is unlikely to be necessary... but that doesn't have o be before trying.

The former head at our primary school had her son at 45. There are just a few extra tests offered to older mums but if you and your OH agree then go for it.. why not?

Though 18 y/o's do NOT want to know their parents have had sex so mightnot be too impressed lol

Whatever you decide you have to live with so do whatever will make you happy... and good luck

MsHoarder

Have some statistics to cheer you up. In summary, unless you currently have health problems, you are more likely than not to reach 80. Basically as you get older your life expectancy gets higher, as obviously you haven't died before reaching that age.

So don't worry about dying at 60!

balletshoes

Raiya wrote: »

Hi thanks for replies.
My OH is down the middle he'd be happy to have one of our own but wouldnt be too upset if we didnt.

I know i could die tomorrow(pray i dont) but if i was to then im quite happy in the knowlegde my 2 exisiting children would be well looked after by ex H or if he was not around then by one of his family as he has a huge family. I on the other hand have no family at all to speak of and my OH has virtually none apart from his parents who are in their 60's and an uncle who's not far off 70. So if i or other half ended up not being around there would be no one else.

I realise im being somewhat stupid but i feel it would be unfair to have another child at my age incase the worse was to happen. I just need to find a way to get over the regret.

but your 3rd child would have someone - they'd have their older siblings to take care of them .

clearingout

I'm not sure there's ever a good time or age to have a baby. 16 is too young and you're not mature enough or experienced enough. At 26 you're considered 'old enough' but probably establishing a career and/or perhaps don't have the financial stability. At 30 you're perhaps 'just right' but if married younger, facing marriage problems or if recently married (for first or second time), enjoying life together and establishing a secure home....then by 35 you're too old. At 40 you're apparently selfish and miserable and could die at any moment (tell that to all the 80 somethings sitting in rest homes!!!).

If you want a baby, give it a try!

threemuttleys

Thing is, 39 is not old. You only get one chance at life. how would you feel in 10 years time if you didnt do it...Go for it!

busiscoming2

I shall come at this from a different angle.

I found that when I was about 39/41 I really wanted to have another baby, but it passed, I think it is your body's natural way of letting you know this is your last chance before you get 'too old'. So although you say you regret not having another child, maybe it just feels worse at the moment because of your hormones?

Chakani

OP, my mum had me at 37 and my brother at 40, she is now a fabulous energetic grandma to my two children, and has been able to be a great support to us while we got used to being parents. From my experience of being the child of a mother of that age, there are no regrets for either us or our parents.

I'm not saying you should have a child if your heart is against it, but if it is what you and your DH want, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. The only impact it has had on me is that I have consciously chosen my brother as guardian for my own children in my will, rather than my parents, due to their age.

VfM4meplse

Just do it! The average female life expectancy is over 80, and the quality of life we have as we age is so much better than even 20 years ago. Also, you have a family infrastructure that will be old enough to offer support soon.

I think you need to make a positive decision either way, as if you are still undecided your regret will only worsen.

Spendless

busiscoming2 wrote: »

I shall come at this from a different angle.

I found that when I was about 39/41 I really wanted to have another baby, but it passed, I think it is your body's natural way of letting you know this is your last chance before you get 'too old'. So although you say you regret not having another child, maybe it just feels worse at the moment because of your hormones?

I went thru exactly the same experience aged 38. My children were 2 and 5 at the time. It was triggered by women I knew with a boy and girl like myself of similar ages becoming pregnant with a planned 3rd. My feelings went away too, within a few weeks. I also wondered if the way you are feeling is to do with an '0' birthday coming up, when you do reflect on the past and look to the future.

snookey

Hi go for it. Your still young my next door neighbour just had twins in her 40s first children. Im 41 and have fleeting moments of oh having a baby but it soon passes when I see a mum struggling with a crying child,lol.