Regret not haveing more children

nottslass_2

catkins wrote: »

Although I do not think 39 is too old, why on earth do you want another baby? Your children will be grown up soon and you will be able to enjoy yourself with your OH. You have only been together 9 years - think of all the places you can go and things you can do without a baby tying you down. Oh and the sleepless nights, the crying, the tantrums - you must be mad

Why would anybody bother having a family in the first place if this is their view ?

Having children certainly doesn't stop me & my OH enjoying ourselves.

Spendless

catkins wrote: »

Although I do not think 39 is too old, why on earth do you want another baby? Your children will be grown up soon and you will be able to enjoy yourself with your OH. You have only been together 9 years - think of all the places you can go and things you can do without a baby tying you down. Oh and the sleepless nights, the crying, the tantrums - you must be mad

That's certainly the way I'd think. Mine are 11 and 8 and I can see glimpses with the eldest, that the days of never being able to leave the house without always taking them with me are starting to disappear.

nottslass wrote: »

Why would anybody bother having a family in the first place if this is their view ?

Having children certainly doesn't stop me & my OH enjoying ourselves.

No but it certainly changes what I/we do. We look to something we'd enjoy as a family, rather than as a couple eg we went to France recently for a shopping trip, which is something we enjoy very much but our youngest is very travel sick, and we live several hours from kent without the crossing,and the eldest hates shopping. We wouldn't go if we had to take them, as it happens eldest was away with school, and family had youngest, but it's not something we can do 'spur of the moment'. I do look forward to a time sometime ahead in the future when we can have more 'couple time' . Starting again would put that time even further into the future.

Jen151

Good luck with whatever you and your hubby decide to do. Just wanted to let you know that my mum had my youngest brother when she was 39 and he's 21 now, he's been a brilliant addition to our family! If anything had happened to our parents, my other brothers and I would have been able to step in and make sure our youngest brother was alright. Its not too late if its what you want

POPPYOSCAR

nottslass wrote: »

Why would anybody bother having a family in the first place if this is their view ?

Having children certainly doesn't stop me & my OH enjoying ourselves.

I agree with you and have had this discussion before. Having children has never stopped us from doing the things we have wanted to do either.
The only thing I would say is that is that I look forward to the day that they both can drive(One does) so we can stop being a taxi service!!!

onlyroz

nottslass wrote: »

Why would anybody bother having a family in the first place if this is their view ?

I think you've missed the point. Each stage of a child's life is something to cherish - but having nearly got through the baby stage (my youngest is two) I'm looking forward to being able to visit places that you can't get to with a buggy, or require walking distances that a young child wouldn't be able to manage. The OP has already "done" the baby bit, and it *is* extremely rewarding - but I think serious thought should go into why she thinks she wants to go through that particular stage all over again. Is it just a fleeting desire to once again hold a baby in her arms, or is it something more fundamental?

catkins

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I agree with you and have had this discussion before. Having children has never stopped us from doing the things we have wanted to do either.
The only thing I would say is that is that I look forward to the day that they both can drive(One does) so we can stop being a taxi service!!!

Surely it depends what things you want to do and how easy it is for you to get a babysitter? What if you like going to concerts or the theatre - you can't take a baby with you to those can you?

catkins

nottslass wrote: »

Why would anybody bother having a family in the first place if this is their view ?

Having children certainly doesn't stop me & my OH enjoying ourselves.

I don't have children so can do what I want, when I want but I know plenty of people with children who are restricted maybe because they cannot get a babysitter or cannot afford a babysitter.

A baby surely has to be somewhat of a tie? There are lots of places you cannot or should not take a baby - me and OH love motor racing and a baby should not be taken there. Also some people may not want to leave a baby with a sitter.

balletshoes

catkins wrote: »

I don't have children so can do what I want, when I want but I know plenty of people with children who are restricted maybe because they cannot get a babysitter or cannot afford a babysitter.

A baby surely has to be somewhat of a tie? There are lots of places you cannot or should not take a baby - me and OH love motor racing and a baby should not be taken there. Also some people may not want to leave a baby with a sitter.

yes, babies and children definitely change your life and your routine - however, thats not necessarily a bad, restrictive or inconvenient thing.
I had 15 years as an adult doing exactly what I wanted when I wanted, and it was brill. I've been a mum of one for nearly 10 years now, and its brill too - I have a completely different lifestyle now as a parent than I did as a singly/couple, but just because its different, doesn't make it worse (in fact, I can't imagine my DD not being here, and I'll be sad when she no longer wants to come on holidays etc with her parents - then it'll be time for another life adjustment for me and her dad).

I never really enjoyed the nappies, baby-stage of my daughters life, much preferred it when she was starting to walk/talk/become her own little person. But the nappies/highly dependant stage of a childs life is so short really, that certainly wouldn't put me off having another child (I'm 43).

onlyroz

balletshoes wrote: »

I never really enjoyed the nappies, baby-stage of my daughters life, much preferred it when she was starting to walk/talk/become her own little person. But the nappies/highly dependant stage of a childs life is so short really, that certainly wouldn't put me off having another child (I'm 43).

Isn't that exactly it though? You do the nappy changing bit, and the bit where you're restricted to places you can take a buggy. You enjoy it, but you think wisfully of the days when you might get a bit of a lie-in, or be able to go to the theatre when you want. And then you finally get to that stage and decide to have another baby - and go through it all again. Fine, if that floats your boat, but not for me...

Dinah93

Surely if your outlook is that a baby will be a burden and restrict your life then the answer is it's not for you, but if you long for a baby and see the sacrifice of free time as minute in comparision with the joy and happiness that baby would bring to your life then it's a simple answer to try for one. Everyone is different but for me I can't imagine any lie ins or holidays could add up to the enrichment brought into your life by a child.