Regret not haveing more children

barbiedoll

OP, I'm sure that if you really wanted another baby, you would just go and have one. I have only one child, for similar (age-related) reasons as you. Some days, I regret it and some days I don't, I mostly feel guilty for my DS being an "only one", although he does have half-brothers and sisters. I work with babies all day too and I do admit to feeling broody sometimes but the thought of going through it all again does give me nightmares!

If you still feel that you have a lot of love to give a child but can't face the thought of full-on parenthood again, maybe have a think about fostering? A couple of my friends are now foster carers and they say that it's the most rewarding thing that they have ever done. Your local authority will have information on their website and there is a lot of help and support if you decide to go down this path.

Ultimately, it's a decision for you and your partner, I wish you well in whatever you decide, just don't feel bad because he doesn't have any of his "own", I'm sure he is a good step-father to your two, which means he is still a "Dad", no matter what the DNA says.

themull1

Make sure you do want a baby, not that you're getting a bit bored in your marriage and just looking for something else to do!! I was 34 when i had my second child whose 8 now, and my god its hard work!! 39 is the new 29!! but if its a definite, have one, there are loads of older parents out there!!

DevilsAdvocate1

Raiya wrote: »

Hi thanks for replies.
My OH is down the middle he'd be happy to have one of our own but wouldnt be too upset if we didnt.

I know i could die tomorrow(pray i dont) but if i was to then im quite happy in the knowlegde my 2 exisiting children would be well looked after by ex H or if he was not around then by one of his family as he has a huge family. I on the other hand have no family at all to speak of and my OH has virtually none apart from his parents who are in their 60's and an uncle who's not far off 70. So if i or other half ended up not being around there would be no one else.

I realise im being somewhat stupid but i feel it would be unfair to have another child at my age incase the worse was to happen. I just need to find a way to get over the regret.

Well I'm glad my mum did not think like you! She was 40 when she had me and I am now 42. Mum is in her 80s and still looks after my 3 children on her own (at her request, not mine).

You sound to me like you would really like another child. At the moment you still have the chance to have one as you are likely to still be fertile. What if you spend the next 5 years trying to come to terms about not having anymore and then can't have anymore because you have left it too late?

patchwork_cat

Raiya wrote: »

Hi all...

i do come on here often but didnt want this showing up in my everyday posting so created new account.

Im feeling so low lately because i really regret not having anymore children when i felt i was young enough.

Im 39 and have 2 already with my ex H they are 18 and 12. Have been with my OH now for 9 years, he doesnt have any of his own. Over the last few years we have thought on and off should we or shouldnt we but for one reason or another it just didnt happen. I felt ok-ish about it and felt happy and lucky to have 2 already, but just lately its taking over my life that i didnt have 1 with OH and im so down and very tearful about it.:(

I know 39 isnt "old" but personally to me i feel its too old for me to start trying for a baby. I keep thinking if i did and just say lived till i was 60(i know i could go before or much later) then i would be leaving my child at the age of 20 and i would not see them fully grow up or they would not have their mum for some of the important things in life like when they married or had kids themselves.If that makes sense.

I just cant get over the feeling of regret and its making me feel so low...i just wish i had thought and felt this strongly about it 6/7/8 years ago.

I hope im making sense? Any advice of how to move on from this and get a grip as its taking over my life/thoughts 24/7.

TIA.x

Would it be any easier to lose a parent at 26 instead of 20? You don't know what will happen in the future and worrying about things that may never happen would mean you never did anything. Do you feel too old at the moment for a baby?

My children are the same age as yours approx. and I get broody sometimes, but I am older than you. I know however that no way would I want another baby, but it doesn't stop me when I see a cute baby saying to my DH ohh I want one!

Raiya

thanks again for all the replies.

I really would like another child.
In all honestly i always have wanted more than two and if things had worked out with ex H we would of had more.

Ive always been a worrier and i think that i "think" too much about the what if's.

My OH is great with my 2 and has always said he would be happy for us to have one of our own but not too upset if it didnt happen, which for one reason or another it just hasnt. He has always said he just wants me to be 100% sure as we know i'd have to have c/section as i did with my other 2. Also he worries as much as do about complications as i had quite a few with both pregancies and my body was much younger to cope with it then.

I will show OH all the replies over the weekend then we can have a good ole' chat about it all.

Thanks again

nottslass_2

Raiya wrote: »

.
Also he worries as much as do about complications as i had quite a few with both pregancies and my body was much younger to cope with it then.

I will show OH all the replies over the weekend then we can have a good ole' chat about it all.

Thanks again

Just wanted to add that I had my 1st baby aged 18,one when I was 34 and last year I gave birth to my 3rd aged 42, and guess what ? The most trouble free pregnancy was the last one !!! Guess there's life in the old gal yet.lol

furball

Ok here goes. I have had 5 children. My first when i was 19 my last 4 weeks before my 40th birthday. I had my 2 middle children still at home when i married my darling OH. He had no children of his own and said he loved my children as his own so didn't need one of his own. He is a fantastic stepdad and i knew he would make a gread dad. We discussed it and as i was already on the starting blocks of the menopause he said let's just see what happens. So our DD was born just before my 40th. My eldest daughter 21 at the time was there with me and my husband as i was convinced he was going to pass out, he didn't. I have to say it was the best decision (sp) we ever made. Our darling daughter is now 6 and yes OH is a fab dad and treats all my children the same. Yes she is a daddy's girl but in the nicest possible way. OH says it's the best thing that ever happened to him. So that's my 2 pennorth. Hope it helps. Oh i now have 2 darling grandchildren. Our youngest was 2 when our granddaughter was born. So it didn't put my eldest daughter off being at the delivery. Sorry it's a long post.

meritaten

I may be wrong but you come across as maybe a bit depressed? at age 39 you DO start to take stock of your life and perhaps you have been doing this and feeling unfulfilled? you may also be thinking that your children are flying the nest and empty nest syndrome often prompts women to want to fill it again!
you also seem to be having quite morbid thoughts - again natural as one approaches middle years and realise we arent immortal! I would recommend counselling to help you sort out exactly what it is you want! I am not being flip or nasty hun, but take a few months to really sort out what you are feeling - and talking therapy is good for that even if you only talk to the mirror as you would a best friend!

toniq

39 isn't old! I'm 38 and trying IVF ....again as i desperately want a child with hubby, I also have a child from a previous relationship.

Much luck with whatever you decide to do x

mrs_lds

cherie blair @ 45,
john travoltas wife 48
38 is NOT too old and don't think negativly about dying at 60, just do not look back with regret